for How Much?4/7/2017 c1 
13Here Strikes Dawn
I love this so very in character with Ed and Al in particular. I feel like this should have been a scene before the battle with Scar after Nina's death. I can imagine the rain and anguish the boys are going through (our poor sweethearts). The pacing of the story reminds me of the rain: slow, cold and bitter. The narration is frustrated and helpless, and that captures Ed's personality perfectly. Not just Ed, but Al too. And I feel that unspoken connection. So, very good job. I hope to see some more of your work in the future
13Here Strikes DawnI love this so very in character with Ed and Al in particular. I feel like this should have been a scene before the battle with Scar after Nina's death. I can imagine the rain and anguish the boys are going through (our poor sweethearts). The pacing of the story reminds me of the rain: slow, cold and bitter. The narration is frustrated and helpless, and that captures Ed's personality perfectly. Not just Ed, but Al too. And I feel that unspoken connection. So, very good job. I hope to see some more of your work in the future
12/24/2016 c1 Xwolf101X
Very good story, a little to short for my liking. But i think this has real good potential. You have a good technique with description so far, I'd recommend going a little more into depth with character thoughts and feelings.
Other then that, great story and hope to see more from ya.
Very good story, a little to short for my liking. But i think this has real good potential. You have a good technique with description so far, I'd recommend going a little more into depth with character thoughts and feelings.
Other then that, great story and hope to see more from ya.
11/28/2016 c1 17DarkAgea
First, me indulging in my language-conscious self. It's 'blond' not 'blonde' (blonde is used for females), Philosopher's Stone is should be capitalized and it's 'casualities' not 'causalities'. I also feel 'large metal suit of armor' would be better.
Now that's out of the way, let me come to the piece itself. For a short one, it's really good. I really like the description in the beginning, hell the whole first paragraph was amazing.
Then this one: 'This cruel, heartless universe of "survival of the fittest" and "equivalent exchange" was weeping so he didn't have to.' Wow, that's just- I love that one sentence. Though, side note, why's it weeping if it's heartless?
Then that exchange between Ed and Al, and Ed clarifying he meant more than just deaths. It's just sweet how Ed's like 'It's not our fault' when Al asks that sadly.
And of course, the last line. "How much will it cost us?" Judging by the end of the anime (spoilers!), I think realizing your whole country is run for only one purpose (killing everybody in it to gain the power of God is a bit high career goal though) and overthrowing the Fuhrer to be quite a lot.
Did I go on too long? To just sum up the whole thing, simply wonderful. If this is an indication of anything, I'd love to read more.
17DarkAgeaFirst, me indulging in my language-conscious self. It's 'blond' not 'blonde' (blonde is used for females), Philosopher's Stone is should be capitalized and it's 'casualities' not 'causalities'. I also feel 'large metal suit of armor' would be better.
Now that's out of the way, let me come to the piece itself. For a short one, it's really good. I really like the description in the beginning, hell the whole first paragraph was amazing.
Then this one: 'This cruel, heartless universe of "survival of the fittest" and "equivalent exchange" was weeping so he didn't have to.' Wow, that's just- I love that one sentence. Though, side note, why's it weeping if it's heartless?
Then that exchange between Ed and Al, and Ed clarifying he meant more than just deaths. It's just sweet how Ed's like 'It's not our fault' when Al asks that sadly.
And of course, the last line. "How much will it cost us?" Judging by the end of the anime (spoilers!), I think realizing your whole country is run for only one purpose (killing everybody in it to gain the power of God is a bit high career goal though) and overthrowing the Fuhrer to be quite a lot.
Did I go on too long? To just sum up the whole thing, simply wonderful. If this is an indication of anything, I'd love to read more.
11/27/2016 c1 19Mother Of The Universe
Yay! You finally made a story! I'm so proud of you!
Anyways, it's a good story! I really like it! I do seem some grammar things though (Revenge of the Grammar Nazi!)
Keep up the good work! I'm happy to see your first story!
19Mother Of The UniverseYay! You finally made a story! I'm so proud of you!
Anyways, it's a good story! I really like it! I do seem some grammar things though (Revenge of the Grammar Nazi!)
Keep up the good work! I'm happy to see your first story!