for Eight Little Eevee3/5/2018 c1 
9GijinkaVerse Writer
First of all, this is too many characters. When you have this many characters introduced, it's not a character moment; it's a role call. You shouldn't place the burden of imagining character onto the reader when it appears you haven't imagined them.
Getting multiple female isn't that surprising, although it's still rather lucky. With eight at a nearly one in five occurrence, assuming the gender ratio isn't more extreme than the games. I do wonder why it's important if they are just given to children.
Nurse Joy is confident that the 4 years old's starter preference won't change in six years. It is also assumed that every child would want an eevee.
The dialogue doesn't have much voice to it and Ira forgets how to be a 4 year old on reacting to the eevees. The characters also seem to prioritize exposition to the reader.
You have a separated scene dedicated to being in rooms and the next to characters getting dress.
9GijinkaVerse WriterFirst of all, this is too many characters. When you have this many characters introduced, it's not a character moment; it's a role call. You shouldn't place the burden of imagining character onto the reader when it appears you haven't imagined them.
Getting multiple female isn't that surprising, although it's still rather lucky. With eight at a nearly one in five occurrence, assuming the gender ratio isn't more extreme than the games. I do wonder why it's important if they are just given to children.
Nurse Joy is confident that the 4 years old's starter preference won't change in six years. It is also assumed that every child would want an eevee.
The dialogue doesn't have much voice to it and Ira forgets how to be a 4 year old on reacting to the eevees. The characters also seem to prioritize exposition to the reader.
You have a separated scene dedicated to being in rooms and the next to characters getting dress.
9/6/2017 c1 2Rekad
Hello,
First, giving information in the notes( not as a part of a tale) doesn't work, no would remember it. Text should be able to defend itself, as the reading proceeds, if there would appear any doubt or hardness with understanding what author wants to write. Writing ages, appearance, developing actions, creating scenes, building right 'mood', you need to do it as one readable and interesting text, no brackets, no author notes explanation, no alternative titles. It's just like incomplete product sends to a customer.
The way how it looks is as if you would be still writing this, you have written some text which had to wait to be polished, add details and make it flow.
Just write the story which you would like to read, Fanfiction just like any other side of this kind is a place to learn how to write good stories but basics you should already know just by reading books or other stories on this page.
2RekadHello,
First, giving information in the notes( not as a part of a tale) doesn't work, no would remember it. Text should be able to defend itself, as the reading proceeds, if there would appear any doubt or hardness with understanding what author wants to write. Writing ages, appearance, developing actions, creating scenes, building right 'mood', you need to do it as one readable and interesting text, no brackets, no author notes explanation, no alternative titles. It's just like incomplete product sends to a customer.
The way how it looks is as if you would be still writing this, you have written some text which had to wait to be polished, add details and make it flow.
Just write the story which you would like to read, Fanfiction just like any other side of this kind is a place to learn how to write good stories but basics you should already know just by reading books or other stories on this page.
8/29/2017 c7 27HolyVengeance
Rebekah threatening Darian reminds me of Max and May's sibling relationship. Good funny times.
27HolyVengeanceRebekah threatening Darian reminds me of Max and May's sibling relationship. Good funny times.
8/20/2017 c1 HolyVengeance
Daniel and Ryan sound like they don't have locks on their doors like Connor probably has.
Daniel and Ryan sound like they don't have locks on their doors like Connor probably has.
6/2/2017 c3 13midnightrebellion86
Hey, first off, sorry for taking a million years to continue reading this.
Great chapter by the way. Bruin is a cool name for an Eevee.
13midnightrebellion86Hey, first off, sorry for taking a million years to continue reading this.
Great chapter by the way. Bruin is a cool name for an Eevee.
3/18/2017 c5 Dolphin02
Huh. That was an interesting way to get evolved. I thought Sabelye was pretty good to not get to riled up. :P
Huh. That was an interesting way to get evolved. I thought Sabelye was pretty good to not get to riled up. :P
2/18/2017 c4 Dolphin02
Hmm. I never could write proper battles. XD I like the Sylveon...and I liked Ryan and Blue's partnership. ;)
Hmm. I never could write proper battles. XD I like the Sylveon...and I liked Ryan and Blue's partnership. ;)