for Eight Little Eevee1/7/2017 c3 
27Dolphin02
Aww...that was short and sweet. Though I thought Bruin was completely fine. I mean, I only have 2 siblings and they're already hard enough to deal with. I don't blame the poor things for being a little distant. And Emma sounds like my type of girl. ;)
27Dolphin02Aww...that was short and sweet. Though I thought Bruin was completely fine. I mean, I only have 2 siblings and they're already hard enough to deal with. I don't blame the poor things for being a little distant. And Emma sounds like my type of girl. ;)
12/20/2016 c1 midnightrebellion86
Nice first chapter. I know I don't read your stuff that often, but I do like this.
Keep up the good work and don't worry about St. Elmo's Jackass. I think the next time I read one of his "reviews" I'm going to order a pizza.
Nice first chapter. I know I don't read your stuff that often, but I do like this.
Keep up the good work and don't worry about St. Elmo's Jackass. I think the next time I read one of his "reviews" I'm going to order a pizza.
12/20/2016 c2 27Dolphin02
Huh. Dahon seems like a nippy little bugger. ;)
I think Daniel could've found the Moss rock on his own...eventually. Well-written, concise, all together great. :D
27Dolphin02Huh. Dahon seems like a nippy little bugger. ;)
I think Daniel could've found the Moss rock on his own...eventually. Well-written, concise, all together great. :D
12/18/2016 c1 Dolphin02
While I was reading:
EEEK! LEAGLE! EEVEE'S! EEVEE'S! XD
The kids are awesome! I really like it.
When I finishedL]:
I loved it. And thanks so much! I didn't realize, but that's awesome. Love you too! ;) And don't stress about 'neglecting' anyone! :)
While I was reading:
EEEK! LEAGLE! EEVEE'S! EEVEE'S! XD
The kids are awesome! I really like it.
When I finishedL]:
I loved it. And thanks so much! I didn't realize, but that's awesome. Love you too! ;) And don't stress about 'neglecting' anyone! :)
12/18/2016 c1 23St Elmo's Fire
[Ages:
Daniel D'Arciola: 15
Emma D'Arciola: 13
Ryan D'Arciola: 13
Connor D'Arciola: 12
Rebekah D'Arciola: 5
Darian D'Arciola: 5
Ira D'Arciola: 4
Amber D'Arciola: 4]
You do not need this and it's offputting to dump it on the reader all at once. If this information is relevant, it should come up in the story.
[Alternate titles: "Intro", "Eight Young Eevee", "Meet the Partner" and "Pierre and Lauren's Family Grows"]
...Then why didn't you use those as your actual title? Your story shouldn't look like it's been picked up off the cutting room floor. Regardless, titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
[(Whiterose City, Johto. D'Arciola residence. 6am)]
This is jarring; it's better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.
Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[A large one, in fact. Lauren and Pierre were not only trainers, but also breeders. *]
Okay so here's the thing about endnotes. You are probably familiar with footnotes, as those are more common in physical books. Footnotes are nice because you can quickly glance down to read them and then return to what you were reading without much disruption, But when you change to an electronic medium, this is no longer feasible. Endnotes require scrolling all the way to the bottom, losing your place, and then scrolling all the way to the top again. It is better to work this information into the narration itself, or to just address it normally in the ending note.
Let's see what was so important you want us to drop everything and skip to the end?
[(*) LesCieux is French for "the skies" and like many made-up names is two (or more) words merged together.]
Irrelevant trivia. I see.
I would recommend against using horizontal lines for scene breaks in the story when you also use them to separate your author's notes. Speaking of which, you need a line for your ending note as well.
["Morning, mom,"]
When a title (such as "mom" or "dad") is used in place of a name, it's capitalized like one.
23St Elmo's Fire[Ages:
Daniel D'Arciola: 15
Emma D'Arciola: 13
Ryan D'Arciola: 13
Connor D'Arciola: 12
Rebekah D'Arciola: 5
Darian D'Arciola: 5
Ira D'Arciola: 4
Amber D'Arciola: 4]
You do not need this and it's offputting to dump it on the reader all at once. If this information is relevant, it should come up in the story.
[Alternate titles: "Intro", "Eight Young Eevee", "Meet the Partner" and "Pierre and Lauren's Family Grows"]
...Then why didn't you use those as your actual title? Your story shouldn't look like it's been picked up off the cutting room floor. Regardless, titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.
[(Whiterose City, Johto. D'Arciola residence. 6am)]
This is jarring; it's better to use generalized scene transitions. Time and place should be clear from context or narration.
Read this: fanfiction {dot} net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread
You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[A large one, in fact. Lauren and Pierre were not only trainers, but also breeders. *]
Okay so here's the thing about endnotes. You are probably familiar with footnotes, as those are more common in physical books. Footnotes are nice because you can quickly glance down to read them and then return to what you were reading without much disruption, But when you change to an electronic medium, this is no longer feasible. Endnotes require scrolling all the way to the bottom, losing your place, and then scrolling all the way to the top again. It is better to work this information into the narration itself, or to just address it normally in the ending note.
Let's see what was so important you want us to drop everything and skip to the end?
[(*) LesCieux is French for "the skies" and like many made-up names is two (or more) words merged together.]
Irrelevant trivia. I see.
I would recommend against using horizontal lines for scene breaks in the story when you also use them to separate your author's notes. Speaking of which, you need a line for your ending note as well.
["Morning, mom,"]
When a title (such as "mom" or "dad") is used in place of a name, it's capitalized like one.