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for OctoBrawl and Christmas Revelation

6/19/2018 c1 40Creepy-Pasta
This is awesome, I love how you incouperated Avengers Assemble into this one - shot. Great job! :D
7/25/2017 c1 16RubinaLadybug
I'm glad that there's an in general holiday fic with Peter/Spider-man fighting evil alongside his close friends. I liked how you began with the three friends hanging out and ended with them out of costume. It shows that there's more to them than just the mask they wear.

And it's cool how you added Norman/Iron Patriot and Tony/Iron-man. Everyone's interaction with everyone felt authentic. My favorite part was how Peter/Spider-man tried to encourage a gift of the Osborns teaming up to take down Doc Ock. That was nice. And it was endearing how Aunt May stood by her nephew at the end. I enjoy stories that contain friendship and family love.

I noticed a few errors throughout the entire narration. Some sentences, whether as the narrator or a character's dialogue, were run-on sentences. Try breaking them up for an easier read and a more authentic speech pattern. Watch out for any misplaced commas; they are distracting when applied wrong. If you are looking to improve your writing, I suggest discarding phrases like "with that" because they're used as a crutch. I saw one out of place line where the narration went from third person to first person. And I found a few wrong words that can easily be corrected. Despite that, my attention held well throughout the action.

All and all, I really enjoyed this. I sincerely hope you receive more reviews for this story.

Thanks for the great read!
12/23/2016 c1 9The Timeless Writer
I think you did really good for your first Ultimate Spider Man story. I enjoyed reading it and I hope to see more of you making more stories.

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