for Golden boy no more2/9 c21 Angeliquevanwell
awesome story. I hope you will continue this story. I love to read more of this story
awesome story. I hope you will continue this story. I love to read more of this story
5/25/2024 c5 Pepperonyfan1982
Maybe have Lucius be a bit like Tony Stark? One look from a certain redhead quells his ego immediately… what if Narcissa did that for Lucius?
Maybe have Lucius be a bit like Tony Stark? One look from a certain redhead quells his ego immediately… what if Narcissa did that for Lucius?
5/25/2024 c3 Pepperonyfan1982
Might I also suggest the website language tool dot org, which will help you with your grammar? It helped me with mine and since I was the token SpEd kid in mainstream catholic school and I spent most of my time in another room with an LSA, I am improperly educated. I was actually decent at English at school because we literally got homophones beaten into us. It was my English teacher who told me I have a gift for writing stories, but I never really learned much in terms of grammar. (trust me, having your device reading your work back to you is mega helpful for catching errors.)
Might I also suggest the website language tool dot org, which will help you with your grammar? It helped me with mine and since I was the token SpEd kid in mainstream catholic school and I spent most of my time in another room with an LSA, I am improperly educated. I was actually decent at English at school because we literally got homophones beaten into us. It was my English teacher who told me I have a gift for writing stories, but I never really learned much in terms of grammar. (trust me, having your device reading your work back to you is mega helpful for catching errors.)
5/25/2024 c2 Pepperonyfan1982
I enjoy reading your work, but sometimes the context is a little out of whack or the syntax isn't quite right... Might I suggest reading it aloud or having your device do it for you? Pages has a function for that and I think Word does too but I've been Apple exclusive since 2014 so I don't know if Word does.
I enjoy reading your work, but sometimes the context is a little out of whack or the syntax isn't quite right... Might I suggest reading it aloud or having your device do it for you? Pages has a function for that and I think Word does too but I've been Apple exclusive since 2014 so I don't know if Word does.
8/22/2023 c6 
2ApatheticEntity
Mr. Potter, I have been tasked with doing something unsuspicious, so I will send you an owl in the middle of the day while you sit in front of Dumbledore’s biggest supporters and be generally suspicious XD lol, I couldn’t help but laugh
2ApatheticEntityMr. Potter, I have been tasked with doing something unsuspicious, so I will send you an owl in the middle of the day while you sit in front of Dumbledore’s biggest supporters and be generally suspicious XD lol, I couldn’t help but laugh
8/9/2023 c21 EmeraldFox-chan
please update soon, I'm loving how cute they are with each other and need more of their fluffiness to heal my soul!
please update soon, I'm loving how cute they are with each other and need more of their fluffiness to heal my soul!
6/12/2023 c16 Badbonita
I like the story even though you're making the Dark Lord act besotted with Harry - hello, Dark Lord that instills fear even in his faithful followers and he's allowing the twins free rein in his home. Completely out of character - at least that's how I see it.
Also, the twins have stomped right over into sexual harassment territory with the invasion of Lucius' personal space, unwanted touching and the innuendos. Maybe Narcissa needs to get in their faces.
Admittedly, this is your story and you can write whatever and however you wish but - for me - it's uncomfortable territory.
I like the story even though you're making the Dark Lord act besotted with Harry - hello, Dark Lord that instills fear even in his faithful followers and he's allowing the twins free rein in his home. Completely out of character - at least that's how I see it.
Also, the twins have stomped right over into sexual harassment territory with the invasion of Lucius' personal space, unwanted touching and the innuendos. Maybe Narcissa needs to get in their faces.
Admittedly, this is your story and you can write whatever and however you wish but - for me - it's uncomfortable territory.
3/3/2023 c12 Millie072
Following your request: In the discussion on blood purity and intermarriage, the is a line where Lucius would feint. To feint is to make a false movement. Proper usage is faint as to lose conscientiousness. Hermione/Adrian was a bit telegraphed.
Following your request: In the discussion on blood purity and intermarriage, the is a line where Lucius would feint. To feint is to make a false movement. Proper usage is faint as to lose conscientiousness. Hermione/Adrian was a bit telegraphed.
3/3/2023 c8 Millie072
One meeting I like to see is when Malfoy realizes Voldemort doesn't really support blood purity. The parting twixt Harry & Hermione was very well portrayed. Not overly lachrymose nor too casual.
One meeting I like to see is when Malfoy realizes Voldemort doesn't really support blood purity. The parting twixt Harry & Hermione was very well portrayed. Not overly lachrymose nor too casual.
3/3/2023 c6 Millie072
As Madame Malkin does school robes, I'd also thought of her as a moderate or lower priced shop. Lucius Mafoy would shop only tailor made. The snob factor. Will you be removing the On Hiatus notice from the summary? It might tempt more readers.
As Madame Malkin does school robes, I'd also thought of her as a moderate or lower priced shop. Lucius Mafoy would shop only tailor made. The snob factor. Will you be removing the On Hiatus notice from the summary? It might tempt more readers.
3/3/2023 c4 Millie072
Very surprised Harry would be so open about switching sides while in the Weasley household. It would make more sense to talk outside where one could see if anyone was listening. Ron is so jealous he could be listening in at the door. Molly is also a suspicious bitch when it comes to Hermione/Harry. She continues to promote Ginny. Excellent start.
Very surprised Harry would be so open about switching sides while in the Weasley household. It would make more sense to talk outside where one could see if anyone was listening. Ron is so jealous he could be listening in at the door. Molly is also a suspicious bitch when it comes to Hermione/Harry. She continues to promote Ginny. Excellent start.
3/3/2023 c21 62Stormshadow13
Great chapter.
Very understandable how one changes over time and the writing changes as well.
If you happen to rewrite the story, would you please post a note here so that your readers of this story can follow the new one?
62Stormshadow13Great chapter.
Very understandable how one changes over time and the writing changes as well.
If you happen to rewrite the story, would you please post a note here so that your readers of this story can follow the new one?