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2/25/2018 c6 Mal
Wow. this chapter was good. I love Bell's parents. With we could see them interacting more with their kid, but maybe that's the point. I really, really enjoyed this look back into the friendship and their past. I love the dad liking being the human alarm clock. That bit made me laugh out loud.

Erm... Tiny baby is a strange picture. Tiny babies would be...well... tinier than a normal baby. lol Although, I do get what you're trying to say.
2/25/2018 c5 Mal
oh wow. what's up with V's mom? the chapter was good. very sweet.
2/25/2018 c3 Mal
oh wow... this chapter was painfully beautiful. Well written, too.
2/8/2018 c38 Shaun Dreclin
Maaan what a tease of an ending. Glad I stuck with the story though, enjoyed it quite a bit. Hope to see the next one some time
2/5/2018 c6 Shaun Dreclin
For a pokemon story, there aren't a lot of pokemon.
1/3/2018 c38 3Rand0mness4
I've read the entire story, and I love how you sprinkled little bits of information throughout it that only came to light in the last couple chapters. You did an incredible job writing this, and I enjoyed the journey you took me on. Thanks, and have a happy new year!
12/1/2017 c4 12Keleri
""Five were pokemon nobody had ever seen before. They were the wrong kind you only get experimenting."

OMG. Now THAT is interesting. Gahhhhhhh kids are mean, I want to rescue lil Anabel.

"The legendaries had teamed up and attacked with huge armies, destroying whole cities. It had been over three hundred years ago, but no one had forgotten. Every city in Hoenn had been rebuilt and whatever ruins there were of the much bigger, old cities, were deep in the ground under tall forests, or even under the sea."


"It was kind of unfair that nobody other than clones could become a police officer, or a pokemon nurse, but Miss Lecter had explained that Jennys and Joys were always honest, driven and loved their jobs, so it was a good deal for society. There had been other clone lines, centuries ago, but they'd been made illegal after The War."

OMG. This is sinister! I love that you're explaining the Joys and Jennies with this backstory, they're something I usually ignore.

""Now that's how you make a pokemon from wildstock to do chores"."

Ah-haaaaaaa. Lots of cool details here!

Interesting, a bit of a culture clash between Grandma and Dad...
12/1/2017 c3 Keleri
"they're scaredy-snubbull"

Ha! Normally I don't care for putting pokemon into idioms, but this works well due to the alliteration. "Wailord's smile" further down is great too.

Nice, this chapter gives some good background about Anabel and her desires without being too on-the-nose.
11/26/2017 c2 Keleri
Our heroes weigh their options! I like the progression of emotions in this chapter, Anabel misses Torchic as well as what it symbolized for their journey, the girls snap at each other and then make plans. Their confusion and shame over how their parents will react is all too realistic—ideally they'd just be able to report the theft and get set up with new pokemon, but training is supposed to be this test of adulthood and their parents were already reluctant to let them go. The sketches of worldbuilding are great again in this chapter in terms of trainer-pokemon relations and the dangers that wild pokemon pose.

Grammar nitpick: use an em dash — instead of a hyphen - for those types of breaks in narration or dialogue, I can tell the meaning but the hyphen is smaller and more invisible and my brain has to stop to look for it to make sense of the sentence haha.
11/25/2017 c1 Keleri
This is a great first chapter, you get right into the action! You do a lot to develop the world with a few small illustrations by the POV character like using "ghosts" as a curse and considerations for unexperienced trainers avoiding areas with more dangerous pokemon. I really felt how tense the situation is due to Anabel's anger and fear: there's so much for them to consider in terms of getting their stolen pokemon back but also keeping themselves safe in the moment and from the Gengar. Gengar is genuinely menacing as well.
9/16/2017 c31 Guest
This is so good! XD You deserve so many more reviews, please don't get discouraged or abandon this. I'd cry so hard.
I love how genuine Ann and V are. These two resourceful kids struggling with both normal shit and the kind of shit that shouldn't happen. It just tugs at my heart.
Gengar might be a favorite of mine. Or more V's and Gengar's relationship. It's trouble. I thought it was all prejudice against ghosts at first but I can now totally see how the fear thing can make him a bad influence. I also am totally rooting for them lol, V deserves a break.
Also kudos for the worldbuilding. This is the kind of pokemon world I can totally believe in and dig.
9/8/2017 c2 56WyldClaw
That was amazing
9/8/2017 c1 WyldClaw
That was an amazing start
9/3/2017 c2 4TheSwingOfThings
You know, this chapter reminded me why journey fits are so appealing, yet so difficult to pull off. It's because the journey itself is a great vehicle for character development, but only if you remember that the actual movement of place to place isn't what does that-it's the characters' reactions along the way. At the beginning, V and Anabel's conflicts feel real and understandable: they're different people who've been placed under considerable stress and are indulging their basest instincts. Later, their resolution feels similarly realistic: instead of using their differences in perspective to undercut and blame each other, they're back to working together. If this wasn't the Pokemon world where magic monsters are considered necessary, I'd say they already were a team. Maybe V can command Anabel like a Pokemon and they can catch something that way? XD

Stuff I think could use some work: Some sentences still feel a bit unclear. The most notable one in this chapter was "That's shoot every idea until we get a good one." Is this a "there are no bad ideas" kind of sentence, or is V arguing that they should talk out every idea they have before trying any of them? A couple got clearer once it occurred to me that you're probably using "ghosts" as a curse word instead of referencing the plot-relevant ghost in the story, maybe you could make that a bit clearer in the first chapter by showing the distinction?

Stuff I loved: I already mentioned that I thought you did a good job with the arguments, but I also liked hearing V and Anabel's various ideas for how to get a Pokemon. It really helped flesh out the world you're building, and made me wonder if we're going to encounter any other trainers who've been faced with this dilemma along the way.
9/2/2017 c1 TheSwingOfThings
It appears I owe you several reviews that are well past due at this point.

Not that I think I'm going to mind writing them-this story looks like it's going to be fun. Though at times a bit difficult to understand (I'm not sure if this is due to forgetting words, or if you intentionally gave the characters a slightly confusing speech pattern), I can tell that you've given a lot of thought to your interpretation of this world, as well as the story you want to tell in it.

Stuff I think you could do to improve: as previously mentioned, I think this chapter could be a bit clearer (even if you are intending for it to be somewhat blurry or confusing, I think it might help to add something that clarifies that that's what your aiming for).

Stuff I liked: Nice lead in, great job showing instead of telling (I'm especially fond of how I seem to have gotten a decent impression of the protagonists' characters just from the description of the tent: the cautiousness implied by the tent's meticulous setup is juxtaposed nicely with what could be inexperience, indifference, or even laziness implied by their oversleeping). Oh, and in case it wasn't clear, I'm totally hooked at this point!
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