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7/7/2017 c6 17Negrek
So this is the chapter where we meet Valeria! After seeing her relationship with her mom here, I'm definitely curious about what ultimately drove her to run off and start her journey. Annabel I can see, especially after the machamp last chapter: not only is she clearly interested in pokémon, but going on a journey will definitely catch her parents' attention, even if in a primarily negative way. But Valeria very clearly feels that her mother needs her, and it seems like something pretty severe would have to happen for her to willingly give that up. Or maybe she thinks that somehow she'll be able to find something to help her mom in the course of the journey, or that it'll somehow help her in another respect. I also have to wonder whether something happened to cause her mother to withdraw, or if Valeria's been filling this role pretty much her whole life.

Overall this was a solid chapter that does a really nice job of portraying the child characters as actual children, with a child's sense of priorities and ways of solving problems. Annabel breaking her father's magnifying glass was about the worst thing EVER to happen, even though it wouldn't have been hard for him to buy a replacement, Annabel's preoccupation with finding a friend and how June continues to torment her... in general the kind of nastiness that kids can get up to, and how hurtful they can be towards each other, was something that was done very well this chapter. Valeria might have been standing up for Annabel, but digging at June about her parents' divorce was still hella out of bounds!

You also make the somewhat sudden and out-of-the-blue friendship between Annabel and Valeria seem plausible. It's obvious how much Annabel longs for a friend, and Valeria basically comes along and sweeps her off her feet, heh. It'll be interesting to see hwo you develop that over the coming chapters and how the two of them come around to the idea of journeying together.

One thing that tripped me up a few times over the course of the chapter were places where double arrows replaced one or both of the quotation marks around a piece of dialogue. For example, here:

[ Valeria perked up. « I'd love to come." ]

At first I was thinking these were some sort of telepathy or things Anabel had picked up psychically, but that didn't make a ton of sense in context and since in some cases they were mixed with regular quotation marks I figure they're just typos. Should be easy enough to find replace and get rid of.

All in all, a good chapter. Definitely a nice introduction for Valeria.
6/27/2017 c27 Radio Free Death
Oh boy, I have a LOT of catching up to do. Glad to see this is still updating!
5/4/2017 c23 1Gentle Alouette
I like that you discuss things that aren't usually talked about in trainer stories, at least when they start out as ten year olds.

Yay! Gengar has been revealed to the gang
4/25/2017 c22 Gentle Alouette
Glad that V finally spoke her mind. And, things are beginning to clear up.
4/21/2017 c21 Gentle Alouette
I like how you really give animalistic traits to the Pokémon. I noticed this before, but I especially wanted to commend you for it. With the geodude and how they want to be alpha, and such. It's a good way to go about describing Pokémon, by comparing their behavior to animals.
4/21/2017 c20 Gentle Alouette
Espeon! 3 One of my favorite eevee evolutions. And, Anabel too got a haircut. She's now moving closer down the path of her game/anime self.
4/19/2017 c19 Gentle Alouette
That was a sad story about the mantine and Darren. It added a new perspective into his character, and why he chose to become a breeder.

Seth and Anabel. I don't want to jump to conclusions here, but...I don't know... ;)
4/19/2017 c18 Gentle Alouette
Definite tension here. I can understand Valeria's frustration and partial jealousy. She feels like she's being left behind. That's something that unfortunately happens in friendships when one of the people meets someone new who shares a common interest. More so than the other friend. V isn't as into battling as Ann, and it looks like Ann's desire to be safe and strong will effect their friendship somehow. I can see a number of possibilities as to how this may end. It may be resolved, or they may not be friends anymore. That would be very heartbreaking.
4/10/2017 c17 Gentle Alouette
Ghost would be hard to control. I know V's protective over Gengar but she may not be able to stop it if it were to go on a wild spree. I'm sensing foreshadowing here...

Also, for some reason, V is appearing to me as Phoebe of the elite four. I know she has curly hair, and Phoebe does not, but she's giving me that vibe. Especially now with the ghosts
4/10/2017 c16 Gentle Alouette
Yep I knew that as soon as Valeria had her eevee jump in something would be wrong. I understand she wanted to help her friend, but there are things people need to do on their own, like catch a Pokémon. Her intentions were good though. It's a shame Ann's making it hard for V because of it.
4/7/2017 c15 Gentle Alouette
On to Rustburo! Is Roxanne going to be the gym leader, or...? Because from what I remember, I believe she had barely become the gym leader there. She was kind of young too. I guess I'll just have to see.

I like the contrast between the two girls. I think I said it before, but I really do like that they have discernable personalities. Anabel is upset to lie, while V is barely batting an eye. I like when characters, especially ones who are set together in a story, are contrasting. It's better than having them sound virtually the same with one quirk thrown in for "funsies".
4/7/2017 c14 Gentle Alouette
That was an intense chapter. Everything escalated so quickly.

So the secret of Mr. Cinders is finally revealed. I thought he would've been a member of Team Magma, or Aqua or maybe even Rocket. He certainly had acquired Pokémon in suspicious ways, so I assumed he was working for Rocket. They would be the ones to use a breeding farm as a front for their operation. But, oh well. He sort of is in a way.

Excited to see what's in store for the two girls now that they're on the road :)
4/6/2017 c13 Gentle Alouette
Uh oh. I wonder what Anabel and V are going to tell her father. Also, I have to say I just love Azumarill. Lowkey, its one of my favorite Pokémon (the whole marill evolution line). It's so cute, but so powerful. And, I like the sound of its voice in the anime. I can imagine it's exact tone when Azu starts talking.
4/4/2017 c12 Gentle Alouette
That kid's like Ash. He's got a bunch of badges and he looks eleven. Haha

I can see that Anabel is a bit insecure. She's small, I think you said four feet and two inches? That is really quite small. Even for ten year old. Anyway, I can see how that might affect her self-esteem. She also lost her Pokémon. She's trying to prove herself, and I can see that she is getting a bit frustrated in wanting her eevee to get strong. She needs to be patient. V certainely is.

Keep it up!
4/4/2017 c11 Gentle Alouette
Huh so he has a bunch of fossils in a secret room. Very strange. How would one go about acquiring those without being a scientist?... anyway, I find it weird he doesn't get mad at them. It is all so suspicious. He doesn't punish them or scold them for sneaking around. This just makes me believe there's an ulterior motive hidden somewhere.
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