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1/20/2017 c5 Chuck2
I love how sweet but also serious this is. I don't see much fics with kid trainers anymore and I'm glad I found this one. Write more please.
1/13/2017 c1 1Zarok63
I really like this story. Your narrative flows very well and I can tell that this story has a lot of potential, please keep writing!
1/13/2017 c3 Tis me
Hi! The writing's really smooth and I can tell the characters are going to shape up solid and there's a story. I'm a sucker for OT fics.
Just saying, don't let low review numbers get to you. It's just this fandom. I mostly don't review either. You bet I'll be reading and enjoy it though, so please, please don't discontinue.
1/10/2017 c2 Zippy
Like the start. Please keep writing.
1/4/2017 c1 155Farla
["Lavaridge is that way."]

It took me a few tries to work out this out. There's a really big gap between it being said and V reacting to the speech, at which point you start marking its dialogue differently which makes it seem like someone else, like the gengar's trainer, said the first line. For a bit I thought it was speaking to them individually, so its first line to V was unheard and only indicated by her being amazed it was speaking, then it contacted Anabel for the first time. I assume you didn't want to start off marking it as ~ because you didn't want to give away what it was, but it's all really confusing. You're using italics for emphasis a lot here, but maybe it'd have been better used as a tag for weird mind speech. It being italics would've been ambiguous the first time while letting you stay consistent.

The dialogue is a bit easier to follow after this point, but there's still a lot of separation. For example:

[~We are magnanimous -~ it paused. ~That means nice.~ Anabel jerked her head. The cold pulsing words shattered her thoughts, emptying her mind to fill it with echoes. She didn't want it there. Get out! ~ You may leave unharmed.~

Anabel couldn't move. She waited for the pokeballs to drop out of the gengar, for the evil joke to be over.

"Pokeballs have trackers," she shakily pointed out. "We'll get them back. We…" She squared her shoulders. She was bigger than it! "We'll tell the Professor!"

The ghost's grin sharpened further, its red eyes burning with evil.

It was so dark. Around them there were only sandy hills and clusters of tall trees. Fear. Ghosts fed on fear. If Anabel stopped being scared, it would get bored and stop this.

"That's enough," she said more strongly. "Give it back."

The wilds could be trouble. They were for experienced trainers only, those with five Gym badges or more. But these weren't the wilds. They were less than a mile off the route. They'd not broken any rule. Rangers were supposed to keep places safe!

"This isn't what 'nice' is," V pointed out, pushing long tangled curls out of her face.]

That is a really long gap from "I'm nice" to someone objecting to the statement.

You've also got a number of missing spaces throughout this, with words stuck together.

["Catch, you're dumb," V snapped, taking a step forward. "You're clever but dumb because you let them make you bad." Her skin glowed purple. She was way too close to that monster. "Steal your own pokeball instead of ours! You'll get stuck in a computer forever when your trainer gets caught. You can come with us."]

This is certainly a good threat, but on the other hand, is it true? Because it seems pretty weird to believe pokemon are only bad when bad people are giving the orders but bad people's pokemon stay in limbo forever, although maybe "let them make you bad" means it's common belief that once given bad orders, pokemon are tainted.

At any rate, I like how they're talking to, and about, pokemon throughout this. And the way the gengar keeps telling them to get moving suggests this has less to do with stealing starters than it does stealing them, which is definitely interesting.
1/4/2017 c1 12kintsugii
Hey, this is a pretty interesting start. I do like this angle quite a bit, and it makes a lot of sense to have more experienced trainers stealing from children! I don't think I've seen this start before, and you pulled it off. Smol Annabel is also a thing I'm interested in seeing play out, and I like how you had her categorizing people's emotions. Good stuff so far!

One thing, maybe. This is an awkward length for a first chapter; not only is it very short wordwise, but there's also not much understandable action. A spooky ghost drops in and there's some general foreshadowing, but if I hadn't read your summary, I would have thought that this story was going in a completely different direction. That isn't to say that you should be outlining your entire story in the first thousand words, but it does feel like there are some elements of your plot that could be addressed a little earlier/in this chapter to make a more coherent introduction.
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