5/12/2021 c1 xTheODSTx
Can’t bother signing in. Sorry about that.
So yeah. This is pretty crazy...
bad, sorry. Almost forgot to put this in here. Your character interactions are broken and do more telling than showing. Your description of actions and details when characters aren’t speaking is also prettt lackluster too.
And some of your word choices for this? “I have heard you are exceptional at cutting hair.” I’m already taken out of the damn story at that point.
So, yeah. It’s alright, I guess. I hope your other readers can enjoy this. Because I definitely can’t. I’m going back to reading fanfics I actually enjoy now. Later, dude
Can’t bother signing in. Sorry about that.
So yeah. This is pretty crazy...
bad, sorry. Almost forgot to put this in here. Your character interactions are broken and do more telling than showing. Your description of actions and details when characters aren’t speaking is also prettt lackluster too.
And some of your word choices for this? “I have heard you are exceptional at cutting hair.” I’m already taken out of the damn story at that point.
So, yeah. It’s alright, I guess. I hope your other readers can enjoy this. Because I definitely can’t. I’m going back to reading fanfics I actually enjoy now. Later, dude
5/12/2021 c1 5xTheODSTx
Funny. I typed out a review because I didn’t want to bother signing in.
I realized it was a bit rude, so I was going to write a secondary one just in case. But then, it said that guest reviews had be disabled. Which I know for a fact that wasn’t true like ten minutes ago.
So yeah. My old review claims will persist it seems.
Your word choice for dialogue is kind of cringe, my guy. I can’t see any of the characters interacting like this. “I have heard you are exceptional at cutting hair.”
“Well, when you have seven sisters...”
Like. What kind of exchange is that. Even Jaime, as awkward with Weiss as he is in canon, is more capable of speech than that. Weiss saying exceptional just because she is a Schnee? Seems forced to me.
Pyyrha? She wouldn’t talk like that. Yang? Eh. I think you did fairly well with her though. So I appreciate that for what it is.
So yeah. This was kind of a weird thing to sit through. Definitely isn’t my thing. I hope, if you do continue writing and the like, we can work on some decent character interactions. Also, your showing isn’t existent. It’s all awkward telling. Would definitely do with some improvement.
So yeah. There is my old, guest review brought back to life after you disabled guest reviews. Later, guy
Funny. I typed out a review because I didn’t want to bother signing in.
I realized it was a bit rude, so I was going to write a secondary one just in case. But then, it said that guest reviews had be disabled. Which I know for a fact that wasn’t true like ten minutes ago.
So yeah. My old review claims will persist it seems.
Your word choice for dialogue is kind of cringe, my guy. I can’t see any of the characters interacting like this. “I have heard you are exceptional at cutting hair.”
“Well, when you have seven sisters...”
Like. What kind of exchange is that. Even Jaime, as awkward with Weiss as he is in canon, is more capable of speech than that. Weiss saying exceptional just because she is a Schnee? Seems forced to me.
Pyyrha? She wouldn’t talk like that. Yang? Eh. I think you did fairly well with her though. So I appreciate that for what it is.
So yeah. This was kind of a weird thing to sit through. Definitely isn’t my thing. I hope, if you do continue writing and the like, we can work on some decent character interactions. Also, your showing isn’t existent. It’s all awkward telling. Would definitely do with some improvement.
So yeah. There is my old, guest review brought back to life after you disabled guest reviews. Later, guy
11/29/2019 c1 2ColeConCon
"If this was the case, she would gladly make as many babies with him as he desired!" Okay, wow, Pyrrha needs to take a cold shower.
All joking aside, I can definitely imagine something like this happening and this is very well written. I hope you continue with this story, I'm curious where it goes from here.
"If this was the case, she would gladly make as many babies with him as he desired!" Okay, wow, Pyrrha needs to take a cold shower.
All joking aside, I can definitely imagine something like this happening and this is very well written. I hope you continue with this story, I'm curious where it goes from here.
4/25/2017 c1 1Gruffard
Oh fun little spin off. I could see these events occurring. It is odd that Yang hair does seem able to get damage yet that Steam Vent did nothing to Weiss's hair. Using that for your starting point is new one for me. Thanks for the share.
I hope you continue.
Oh fun little spin off. I could see these events occurring. It is odd that Yang hair does seem able to get damage yet that Steam Vent did nothing to Weiss's hair. Using that for your starting point is new one for me. Thanks for the share.
I hope you continue.
2/27/2017 c1 TropicThunder
Seems like Pyrrha might need to buy a trilby after that little display.
Seems like Pyrrha might need to buy a trilby after that little display.
2/4/2017 c1 rimmytimmy
please make more of this i very much enjoyed it. it was great and there is great potential for it. so please continue it
please make more of this i very much enjoyed it. it was great and there is great potential for it. so please continue it
1/24/2017 c1 tonytaker
Well I like the story so far.I would like to see what happens next if the story continues.
Well I like the story so far.I would like to see what happens next if the story continues.