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for Life During Wartime

6/23/2018 c4 Corwin1961
Good story so far. One observation on the weapons mentioned. The British special forces would not use an AR-15 civilian rifle. They would most likely use the M-4A1 special operations variant or a H and K equivalent.
6/23/2018 c17 2mwinter1
Awaiting more.
6/22/2018 c17 Arthorius
Is Harry even aware of what is going on? or is he a clueless moron?
6/8/2018 c1 Bobface11
One major problem I see with this story is the actions of MI-13. What they did is basically murder. If they killed the death eaters during the war, that would make sense. But they killed them after the majority of the death Eaters are imprisoned and the rest on the run. I'm quite sure the Prime Minister and M would never condone that. The job of the secret agents is to neutralize terrorist threats and a terrorist imprisoned in a cell is not a threat. Plus the so called "preemptive strikes" against the Weasleys makes no sense because we don't arrest or kill people for suspected future terrorist activity. The secret agents would monitor them first. This whole thing is frankly revenge from Agent Middleton.
5/2/2018 c16 Khavros
Glad to see Daphne may have a more active role going forward. Was wondering before why she was even tagged. The training and Australia bits were fairly dull though, and I think you could spend less time on the rogue agents. The training felt off, like why do we care about any of those people as it comes to the main plot? Why does Hermiones search need to be detailed so much, why is it relevant to the plot? I think you should be more vague with the Barnes scenes to make things more ominous, show me what they end up doing, not about the team logistics and interplay. It doesnt make sense as a reader unless you are planning something like having Harry infiltrate the organization or something. When you write a scene ask yourself, does the reader care about this? Lastly I think you could avoid repetitive dialogue. Harry has described the Basilisk fight no less than two times so far, both to parties whose reactions are not important to the reader. Daphne or Fleur maybe... and now when he does tell them the story it will be a 3rd or 4th repeat... or worse we won't even get to read about their reactions to the real stories. Despite this critique, I have enjoyed rereading your story. Thank you for posting.
4/30/2018 c16 1firetemplar415
The Chang family curveball. It got me.
Is there a reason why the story feels rushed and lacking in depth?
4/29/2018 c16 antiginnyharry
excellent story very original
4/29/2018 c16 Smutley Do-Wrong
"Or have Kreacher bring us to somewhere safe in London so we can shop there if you would prefer."

Reading, I thought, so here we have U. S. trained BAMF agent Harry, yet author dropping in the typical house elf taxi, for typical travel inept Harry. Later at least, you have Harry apparate them back to #4.

The "you don't wanna know", cliché, lazy less writing insert: IMO, cliché which is OK for particular instances but more often an unimaginative choice.
Summary for its use here: By NOT explaining to Daphne, it's a wink & nod by Harry to the reader. Ha ha, he knows, reader knows(or those with working recall ). Daphne, who is curious, is brushed off.
In truth, it's rude and unkind.
She rightly is curious.
In truth, a 'you don't wanna know' reply, is BS.
One ALTERNATIVE: Harry explains.
A good timing: After Kreacher is away.
The tale: slightly amusing, how Kreacher's focus and fury seeming as much focused on his soup being ruined as the home invaded and being bombarded and damaged.
Daphne gets a distraction from the trauma of her family killed(unless you didn't or change your mind about them killed).
Distraction: the tale can be slightly amusing (soup ruined angry elf), and perhaps Daphne gets some satisfaction, the tale including hitting back at the attackers.
Standard apropos option: while an entertaining segue distraction for Daphne 's thoughts. Underneath, attack on #12 would also limit the distraction, reminding or triggering Daphne's thoughts to again PTSD flashback again to her home & family destroyed. Which has an EARLIER cry on shoulder segue/conclusion. (another rather 2D glossed over intimacy moment as it was portrayed in the chapter).

General criticism ( Attempt in much less than twenty five paragrap essay, but in fragmented shorthand) . Using metaphor slash adjective sort of method to try to present my POV.
Overall, the chapter and characters read kind of dry, emotion is sort of pointed out but not painted, not really seen or characters' 'feeling it' so that the reader 'feels' some of what the character is feeling.
It read kind of like 2D comic book. The characters (not all, the secondary were fine), or rather MAIN characters seemingly glossed over, too little detail and no filler, like short story board slash simple comic book, than a story novel.
From previous chapters, a somewhat significant drop in quality.

Other than a plot device, quick and somewhat lame, 'let's orphan' Daphne to get her with Harry.
Uber bamf Harry's arrival and 'action' at Greengrass estate, underwhelming, meh!

The horse carriage scene at Delacours: Rewrite? It was like, 'cool, but we knows magic can do cool stuff. ', but outloud, not nonverbal thoughts with knowing glances exchanged.
Nonverbal alternative : with a glance, bing bing, two more tiny points added to Hermione-AussieHunkWhatsisname intimacy meter. The guy's fawning remark comparing Delacour magic with what heroine Hermione musta seen, IMO rather lame.

Perfectly understandable even if you concur with much of this criticism, to continue onward rather than change anything, edit.
Concur but not edit or not agree or understand: consider saving this and reading it AND reading this chapter again in a year or two. If you keep writing and improve, possibly you rereading this chapter and my criticism might be of use to you in analysing your skills, past and current and HOW you 'built' the chapter(now) and might build it differently with your skills and experience changing . You might in a year or two, even rewrite it as an exercise in how your skills are growing, and how you would pace and pave your story road differently.
4/29/2018 c13 Kai0ken
Yet again, the same issue of Harry being naive enough to share sensitive information about the war efforts rears it's head. The way that your Harry is behaving would have been expected and even acceptable before 5th Year. Yet, after the war, he should be a lot more cynical and guarded, rather than trust someone whom he has just met.
Remember, Canon Harry has always been portrayed as being quite secretive and guarded, even as a small child, so he shouldn't be as free with his secrets as he is now, especially after the war.
Good Day
4/29/2018 c12 Kai0ken
Come on man, after being the fulcrum of the war effort, Harry is still a naive fool? This is approaching insane levels of foolishness. The amount of plot armor you are giving your villains makes fora boring reading experience.
Your grammar and sentence structure is really good, but the actual storytelling itself has lots of room for improvement.
Good Day
4/29/2018 c16 14Dorothea Greengrass
I'm still cracking up about the goblins loving Star Wars.

The moment with Harry and Kreacher talking about the cupboard was sweet.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around Cho Chang of all people committing the (almost) perfect murder, though I can't say dear dad is a big loss.

Can't wait to edit the next chapter. :) With Harry and the Slytherin harridan under one roof, I sense trouble.
4/29/2018 c8 Kai0ken
There is one rather large plot-hole in your story, which makes me understand why so many readers have given up due to their frustration with the lack of reaction from the Magi.
Magical Britain has just been through a war, which means that paranoia should be at an all time high. Yet, despite the constant attacks on withces and wizards, no one has reacted yet? How do you justify that? The British Cabinet pretty much straight-up admitted to Kingsley that they were responsible for the bombing of Azkaban. Yet we are still waiting for the "promised" reaction from the Magi.
Good Day
4/29/2018 c2 Kai0ken
While I understood the reactions of the Prime Minister and his Cabinet to what has happened during the course of the War, I found Kingsley to be a surprisingly submissive character, which is not at all like him. While he most definitely was on the backfoot due to the situation, he was a bit too OOC as compared to his Canon self. He displayed no traces of the veteran Auror that he is.
Good Day
4/28/2018 c16 3IExistInAStateOfPureCaffeine
Thanks to this story, you've rekindled my joy in Talking heads so thanks for that. Good story. Liking it quite a lot.
4/28/2018 c16 Guest
Nice update
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