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for The Overlord Origins

2/7/2017 c2 CrazyNinjagoFan1
This is looking great!
2/8/2017 c3 4Rosalinawysteria92
Uh-oh, wonder who's talking in the last part?!
Also, do you accept OC applications for your story?
2/8/2017 c3 Kairocksrainbow
Now things are getting interesting... THEY ARE REAL! Can't wait for to see more of Ronin..This is too amazing!
Liza:SO AWESOME! Ronin is actually one of my favorite male characters. He reminds me of how my Uncle used to be..
Liza:Tracy! Have anything to say?
Tracy(shakes head)
Liza:you sure?
Liza:Okay then!
Leyna:AAAAAA! I still have the feels...
Leyna:Hey Tracy!
Leyna:Do you know where Zaya(Tracy's girlfriend) is? Need to give her something.
Leyna:Um...Hello...? Tracy?
Kaylor:Had to say it Leyna. Btw Zaya is at the doctor's.
Leyna:Ok Thanks Kaylor! See? Even she answered for me.
Kaylor:Tracy? Can you tell me why don't use your mouth?
Tracy(doesn't say a peep.)
Kaylor:Come on we won't judge.
Kaylor:You know what Nvm. This is getting too long.
Leyna:You just noticed?
Kaylor:Shut your mouth Leyna before I trap you in my vines.
Leyna:I wasn't- Nvm.
Kaylor:Exactly. Shut up too Liza.
Kaylor:See you around. Great chapter.
-Kaylor Light Purple ninja of Nature and Force Fields.
2/6/2017 c2 TheAmberShadow
So... it looks like my first review didn't make it. Shoot.
Basically what I said in that was that this was great, I could totally imagine Zane making the others knit, and that the only problem I could see was that after only a month, Jay would not be that excited about a video game.
I think you got Kai's personality down pat. He would fell more guilt then anyone else. Ando, um... same thing for Cole as Jay. Just a bit ooc.
A scream... PIXAL? Zane? Nah, factory line not finished.
Wonder what Ronin wants tell Kai... please update soon!
2/7/2017 c3 5Erio99
Things are picking up! Nice touch with Ronin. You've paced it well so far. I'm interested to see where you go with this.
But why is it that Kai seems to be the only one mourning right now? In the show, everyone was mourning like CRAZY. It could just be that we haven't seen much of the other characters, so if so I guess you're off the hook.
Keep up the good work, and I'll seeya around!
2/5/2017 c1 TheAmberShadow
Hey! Welcome! You got a great story going on here, I can't wait to see how this turns out! I like that rug part, totally seems like Zane! The only problem I see here is that, after a month, Jay would still likely be upset over Zane's death, he did leave like Kai and Cole did in season 4.
2/7/2017 c2 4Rosalinawysteria92
Interesting... very interesting...
*Sees Ronin: Whacks him with clipboard*
2/4/2017 c1 Guest
Interesting. And sad. I like stories like this, keep it up!
2/6/2017 c2 Kairocksrainbow
Holy crap that was a coaster of emotions! THE FEELS ARE REAL! THEY ARE ALIVE! THE FEELS! ARE ALIVE! But ooo there's Ronin. Think you have him in character. Heh. Anytime! But I can't wait to see where this goes...
THE FEELS ARE REAL! NC547(Name but for short) Amazing work my friend!
Liza:IK! My heart feels weird...BUT FEELS!
KRR:You can chill out now guys.
Liza:Right sorry.
KRR:It's okay. Can't wait to read more!
2/4/2017 c1 Kairocksrainbow
Omg...SO AWESOME! Totally going as a favorite! Great start for your first fanfic! I think I will be enjoying this one. This is too amazing!
Kaylor(My girl character):AWESOME!
Me: :) My Oc Kaylor enjoyed it. :D
Liza(Another girl OC of mine.):Wow...This is soooo awesome!
Tracy(A boy character of mine.) (Nods)
Liza:Liked the story Tracy?
Liza:Sup? I'm Liza Springs! Dark teal ninja of Telepathy and black water!
Kaylor:Hi I'm Kaylor Winters! Light purple ninja of Nature and Force Fields!
Tracy(waves hi)
Liza:That's Tracy Brooklyn. Very light blue ninja of Magma and Water! He doesn't say much. :/ He's also half human half Vampire but he's mostly half Vampire. :P Nice to meet ya!
Kaylor:Nice meeting you!
Crystal:Hey I'm Crystal Stone. Neon orange ninja of Amber and can teleport. I'm a guy if you are curious. This is my fiance Kasen.
Kasen:Hey! I'm Kasen Firestone! Light Cyan ninja of Knowledge and Seas! That was my fiance Crystal.
Crystal(nods) Let's go. See you around
KRR:Can't wait to read more.
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