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for Like Father, Like Daughter

2/20/2017 c1 ExplodingKnuckler
Awesome Start, I'm Definitely Looking Forward To Reading More :)
2/20/2017 c1 16ReaperJ
Nice idea, hope to see more!
2/20/2017 c1 9JohnJuanRamboJr35
Wow now thats a big cliff hanger can't wait for the next chapter and name why not mj
2/18/2017 c1 Guest
No this can't be the end !more please!
2/20/2017 c1 runefact
nice start, you could go for maria as a name, carmen, lupe is a sorth for guadalupe, angie is for angelica, camila or tereza. dunno, maybe you dont want a mexican like name.
2/19/2017 c1 31LegionnaireBlaze
Beka Aadamee Diaz, aadamee is Hindi for ember and it sounds nice.
2/19/2017 c1 DarkPale
Ch.2 when?
I need my fix bro.
2/16/2017 c1 lorx
ch.2 when?
2/18/2017 c1 1king-draco21
Very well written, I can easily see this actually happening. Can't wait for chapter 2.
2/16/2017 c1 Shannon M. Duell
good work on the story there, keep it up
2/18/2017 c1 KingOfAnime117
Very interesting concept. Can't wait for more.
2/18/2017 c1 6Cross177
All I'm gonna say is, 16 years, you are bound to have some shenanigans, even if it was with Hekapoo. The big question here is the type of name, normal name you would find for Earth, or somethin that would be as unique is Hekapoo

But the main thing is wow, the reactions towards Jackie, Janna, and Star and add to the fact Marco is mentally 30 while still physically 14, this is all kinds of messed up.
2/17/2017 c1 1AEceros
First off, thank you for the fanfiction! I greatly enjoyed reading the story you wrote. The pacing so far seems reasonable, and the characters seem in character, albeit a little bit more serious (and reasonably so).

I have a few suggestions though:

1. Make sure to spellcheck and grammar check. There were not many, but there were a few spelling and grammar mistakes (such as confusions between "where" and "were") that distracted from the awesome story. There were some other places where verbs missing entirely from sentences as well.

2. You're missing quite a few commas in your sentences. There should be commas right before a conjunction and right after a preposition that is is placed at the beginning of the sentence.

3. Make sure your tenses match. It can be a little disorienting when they don't match. It was particularly evident in your description of Marco's behaviors with Tom in the first half of the story. Even though the passage was describing a past event, the tense switched to present tense unnecessarily, which ruined the flow of the story.

4. Sometimes you use commas instead of periods, such as in the first sentence of the second paragraph. Those are two independent clauses not connected by a conjunction, so that comma should be a period.

It's mostly grammar and syntax stuff. Although it doesn't directly pertain to the story, I think that it is important to make sure these are done cleanly and correctly because incorrect grammar and syntax detrimentally affects one's impressions about a written document immensely.

I look forward to the next chapter!
2/14/2017 c1 Guest
Interesting, this looks like it could be fun. But I wonder, will this focus entirely on Marco's relationship with his kid? will Hekapoo have an active role in the story?

Anyways, looking forward for the next chapter, and thank you for taking the time to write this.
2/14/2017 c1 Guest
On Marco's scissors theirs a logo of Hekapoo on it so it may be bit literally a mark of Hekapoo on Marco
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