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7/20/2003 c5 36MikoNoNyte
Continuance problem showed up, Dessa. When Lu starts to tell her story to the group, Ben walks in and sits with them. Then the next paragraph he walks in again and stands in the shadows. OOps.

*whew* I was getting a bit worried with Lu's apparent mental lapse! She started treating Ben like doggy-doo, calling him pathetic, being angry at him beyond what she should for someone who was trying to protect her. Glad to see she's merely trying to cover up her true feelings. *Ahhright! Go fangirl Lu!* LOL

Lu & Lior: can you say IN-FA-TU-A-TION? Boy, she fell hard! But I don't trust him one iota. Hmph!

Kim
7/20/2003 c4 MikoNoNyte
This is abbreviated. I will send you the full comment to your e-mail.

"Bloody hell, ..." Well, it is nice to know some things haven't changed. He's as bad as his father! As Alice said in the game: Yuri could be so "short-tempered and foul-mouthed sometimes… and yet, so graceful,

and strong, and pure." Gotta feeling Ben might be the apple that didn't fall far from the tree.

He gives her a drink from a bottle given him by a stranger? What? Is he nuts? I know people were more trusting in ... let me see, 1929, but not THAT much. Ben must be a few cards short in his deck! And he then realizes the danger after-the-fact? Sheesh! He may be worse than his da'.

"...he laughed idiotically while walking backwards and tripped over a protruding root..." Yes, definately like his dad. LOL

Great discriptiveness in covering scenery, I especially liked the comment about waiting for the moon to appear while they waited at the bridge.

hair a torment of hazel... say what? hazel hair again. This time for Yuri.

Kim
7/20/2003 c3 MikoNoNyte
What's a "g c s e"? And as for going mad, Dessa hahahahaha, you're already there! This IS Shadow Hearts after all! :)

Lu has HAZEL hair? Really? (I thought it was brown, but then again her outfit ... )

"...Always playing the fool." Yup, that's Yuri. Surprising no one calls him on it except Margarete in the game. And Alice is so sweet! "...the motherly, tender voice..." very nice Dessa.

Comment, comment: "...on what idiotic thing he had said this time ..." GREAT! Loved it. And as I read that line I laughed and wondered how many people assume Yuri thinks in English? I sometimes think the things he says, if not said on purpose, are simply his really bad translations. My take on it anyway. Funny, funny line!

Good description of the dream. Colorful, yet at the same time vague. I am not sure what she was truly dreaming; other than helping a man whom she should not have. And the last line: "A figment of your living nightmare." Chilling.

Good chapter, Dessa.

Kim
7/20/2003 c2 MikoNoNyte
(HIS SON! OH YES, THANK GOD FOR PROCREATION! JOY LA LA LA LA LA LA!) hahahahahahahaha, oh thank you for the delightful laugh. Lubeana the fangirl! (No offense!)

I have a really stupid question: why is Lu hiding a book in the area beyond the Gate of Self? Who else but her would get in there? Assuming of course that each Gated area is for the individual; but perhaps you mean the Harmonixer's Graveyard to have equal access to any and all harmonixers that are living?

"...wiser and more defined" a nice description of a 39 year old Yuri. Dignified would be nice too, but I cannot picture Yuri as dignified. He's too defiant!

Ok, we've met dad, the son and the son can't figure out how to get out of the Graveyard? Hm. Okay, where are we going with this? Huh? Huh? Hmph! Ok, I'll wait until the next chapter ...

*grinds teeth* 'Answers, there's got to be answers' mutter mutter mutter.

Kim
7/15/2003 c1 MikoNoNyte
Lubeana, walking down the street with her head in a book about a Harmonixer saving the world? Wow! Where did she FIND that book? I've been looking for one since forever! Hehe. Good touch; if she were a bio-engineer or an archeologist she would be reading about it.

In your battle against the zombie thingies, the language is flowery, maybe too much so for a battle. But the tense is changing back and forth. If you ever do a re-write, you might consider running it through a grammar checker. They are not perfect, but they help. There seems to be grammatical errors throughout the chapter, including run-on sentences; probably from missing punctuation. (I'm a picky snit, so don't take it personal.)

"...as her energy slipped away, like shadows in the night." Excellent imagery, Dessa. Conveys a feeling of finality as well, as we don't know it she makes it through this or not at this point.

Good so far. I am interested in seeing where this is going. And as I know you have several more chapters posted, I guess I had best hurry! :)

Kim
7/7/2003 c5 13Aberlemno
Well finally, a new chapter!

*narrows eyes*

*stares at Lior*

Oh, what are you up to?

"Worse than Meta God with PMT" XD, that's a very good line. . .
4/4/2003 c4 Riku the Dark One
Awsome! I just love this! I dont usually read stuff like this but this was awsome!
4/1/2003 c4 Aberlemno
Cliffhanger! I just hope you update soon ^^

(And you're not having a great time. . . Whatever is wrong, I hope it goes away soon. . .)
3/19/2003 c3 Arkon Reefer -Dragon Wolf
Cool! Now we have a villian that's quite strange yet scary, like that! You're continuing alright? Never mind what's happening outside!

A guy with billiant green eyes that's like emeralds? That sound so damn familiar! Like someone I know... Na, it couldn't be!

- Double-R

Arkon is scared, I'm not, we shouldn't have enlist... Nevermind!
3/16/2003 c3 Dthedoommaniac
its so good you must continue.
3/16/2003 c3 Aberlemno
Col...And a site update! Also cool! And I wonder who that guy is.
2/28/2003 c2 Aberlemno
Now this section shows up on the list! Whee! Freedom! Anyway, I am not here to get hyper about the section. I am here to talk about the fic. *clears throat* Yes. The fic. I love that line "OH YES, THANK GOD FOR PROCREATION! JOY LA LA LA LA LA LA!"

That's just wonderful ^^!

A proper fan chapter indeed. I was wanting to do the first Shadow Hearts fan chapter! You stole my idea! Well, I was gonna do the fan chapter with Roger Bacon, cos that would have been funny. (But only to be funny. ^^;; Honest ^^;;)So I think I'm still first in the crazy Roger Bacon fanchapter queue. (Is that how you spell queue? It really is the weirdest word in the english language. (Something tells me this is ever-so-slightly off topic. . .)) Keep up with the fic !
2/21/2003 c1 4Dragon RainMaker
Not bad for a first try, not really mistake but it would make it look better if you do type capitals where they belong. Other then that, everything is nice and going along.

Don't be sad because no one review, not much Shadow Hearts fans know of this section yet because it doesn't show on the game list, I have inform them. hold on, I forgot to tell them how to get here! Aw crap!

- Double-R
2/21/2003 c1 13Aberlemno
OOh! i wonder .help in the form of what? This is really good so far. Your brother sounds evil. (my brother hid the memory card. which is evil but . not that evil.) Looking forward to the next chapter then!

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