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for Almost alone in strange lands

4/13/2020 c9 Scurra71900
Thanks for the chapters!
2/27/2017 c5 Shamwoohoo52
Need to work on spacing, and length of paragraphs. It's tedious and quite difficult to read all of it. Creating a divider, like bolded text, or full page lines before authors notes works, just don't put the author notes within the body of text.
Grammar is something that can always be improved. Effectively solving spelling errors, tense errors, and general grammar issues before posting will help people focus on the story, instead of focusing on the many grammatical issues in it. Getting a beta writer to help you, or reviewing the story before posting for errors are some of the solutions.

The concept of the story is also a large factor. Is their a general plot already outlined, how is the main character going to interact. What are the general concepts; this story is a self-insert, but not really. An Original Character [you created] from our universe enters into a new, foreign, and dangerous world they would rather leave. Their experiences, and general knowledge about their world coming into conflict with the norms of Remnant need to be expressed. You did a little bit of it during this chapter, but their needs to be more.

You need to work on building characters, and their interactions with the world. World building is also something you will have to do. How will the main character of the Fanfiction change the world around him. Saying/Talking about things that are common place on Earth, but don't exist on Remnant is something you can use. Nuclear bombs, Copper wires and electricity, satellites, and the lack of Faunus, Dust, Semblance's and Grimm are just some examples.

Telling instead of showing is another problem most authors have on this site. Try to work on that.
For the story side of things, do you have that all planned out? A resolution on how he can go back to Earth? The generic steps he will take on his journey? Things you need to think about.

Lots of things you need to work on, but otherwise good job for your first story.
2/25/2017 c1 7Tracer28
Thanks for writing! _ Though I haighly suggest dramatic spacing for effect!

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