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for The Dark Knight Of Chiba

3/22/2021 c2 1Fukawari San
Me like this
2/6/2021 c52 Fullmetal11791
First and foremost, considering English is not your first language i think this was very impressive. There was certain a lot of issues, from grammar, sentence structure, incorrect words, dropped words etc., but by and large it was readable and you were able to get the point across, so great job.

Overall, in general, I liked the plot. I especially liked how you were giving Hachiman kind of non dangerous versions of Batman villians. Thought that was cute and amusing. Also liked what you did with Yumiko.

I will say that the story did seem to sway from cheesy to very edgy, back and forth, over and over. Which i think was kind of detrimental. I also didnt love how you were considering the Huntsman to be an equal to Batman. Hachiman has solved maybe five or six crimes, and gotten into like half a dozen fights. He's nowhere near Batman's league, and i thought it kind of odd that you tried to force that in the end.

Also thought the ending was rather idealistic. A more realistic outcome, considering the absolute lack of evidence Hachiman had and the enormous amount of Influence and Money the Yukinoshita's have, would be absolutely nothing happening to them.

Still, good effort on your part. Thanks for writing.
2/6/2021 c51 Fullmetal11791
...oh man he really assaulted the party only having a tape recorder as "evidence", didnt he. There is 100% no chance those recordings hold up in court. Too easy to fake a recording. He's literally got no concrete proof the Yukinoshita's are criminals.
2/5/2021 c46 Fullmetal11791
Well, since you asked. I think Huntsman taking a trophy shows that Hachiman is doing this whole vigilante thing for all the wrong reasons. It shows that he's taking pride in his accomplishments.

Batman understands that what he does is wrong. Unfortunately, he's forced to do it anyway because its necessary for Gotham's survival. But he doesnt take pride in what he does, he views it as a necessary evil.

By taking trophies from the people he's stopped, Hachiman is showing that he's doing this for *himself*, and is actually lying to himself when he claims he's doing this solely to help people who need help.
2/4/2021 c40 Fullmetal11791
Wait... Komachi is *still* giving Hachiman the silent treatment over a minor argument after he got shot?

2/3/2021 c35 Fullmetal11791
Im kind of confused. Why on earth is Hachiman trying to hide that he had been shot? Getting shot in the arm can kill you. Even if it was just a graze, theres literally no reason to hide it. And if blood is pouring down your arm, you need stitches, its that simple. I dont know if you're trying to make him come across as some sort of tough edgy badaas, but that scene just kind of made him look.. kinda stupid.

And why try and avoid the hospital? If anything, *that* is suspicious. No normal high schooler would want to avoid the hospital if they had been shot.
2/3/2021 c34 Fullmetal11791
Tackle dive out a window, what a mad lad

And fun to see Yumiko's training is going well
2/3/2021 c32 Fullmetal11791
I get Yukinoshita not liking the idea of Batman, or vigilantes in general. Totally within her character, at least her character at the start of the show (and at this point in your story). But i didnt like the conversation in the club room. She was literally there in the gym with the thugs with guns and a maniac dressed in a clown outfit with a knife. She saw the hulking monster on steroids, something that *should not exist* outside of Gotham. She saw Yui about to get hurt, her teacher about to get *stabbed*, and the police were nowhere in sight.

And despite all this she wont, even a little bit, question her beliefs on the subject? It feels like you are, how to word this... forcing her to stay in character because to you, she *has* to act a certain way. But the reality is that *any* human in that situation would have been shaken up, and would have been grateful to have been saved.

That conversation in the club room was the time for her character development to get a kickstarted. Her beliefs should have been rattled, she should be questioning them, and it feels unorganic that she isnt. Im sure theres some event, some point in your story, that you've planned out where she starts questioning if Hachiman is the Huntsman, and maybe that's where you wanted that to happen. Or maybe a more personalized one on one save where she's in more danger or something. But regardless, *this* was the point it should have happened. Sometimes youve got to stick with your outline, and sometimes youve got to adap, and this was an adapt moment.
2/3/2021 c31 Fullmetal11791
Hmm, why are the regular Chiba police officers so against the Huntsman? Obviously he's a vigilante, and cops dont like that. But, after finding out these thugs took a bunch if students hostage at gunpoint and actually fired into the crowd, it doesnt make sense that their immediate focus is "find the freak!"

They should be elated it didnt turn into a blood bath.
2/2/2021 c27 Fullmetal11791
Really enjoying the character development with Yumiko, she's my favorite character in the story so far.
2/2/2021 c8 Fullmetal11791
... why would he not go to a hospital after getting hit by a car? That's so weird and unrealistic
1/16/2021 c32 I-Nex-I
I’m guessing it’s Haruno, doesn’t really make sense given her personality imo, but she was working under the man owl professor, so she’s the only one I can think of having access to this kind of transformation and also not be some random character out of the blue
1/3/2021 c4 3bob4204ever
not sure how to feel about hiki trying to kapow his female teacher. to make it worse a teach r and the only teacher that care about him.
10/30/2020 c57 Kzux
I mean can you please bring in the Bat family? Even if it's just Tim or Damian. Better yet Cassandra since she's Asian.
10/29/2020 c57 AlimeLover123
I will be honest... THIS WAS ABSOLUTELY FUCKING AMAZING!, like wow you are now one of my top favourite writers and i'm downloading this fanfic on my phone. And can't wait to see more of your amazing work
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