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for All I Think About (Is You)

3/6/2017 c1 388fiesa
It's strange, isn't it, how we think we know another person so intimately well and then it turns out we don't know them at all.
Cassian thought he knew Jyn, and could read her, but there's only little else that is more complex than humans. And most of the time they don't understand /themselves/, so how could they fully comprehend other people?

You're slowly steering this story in the direction of something... happier-ish? Maybe? Of course, I'm expecting everything to go downhill again. Especially since they haven't seen each other - or lived with each other - for six years now. But I'm hopeful. People who love each other that much even after six years - they should be together. Well. In a perfect world, they would be, at least.

I missed the clues for Cassian's alcoholism. Like, completely. Woah.

I think my favorite part in this story was not necessarily the fact that Cassian and Jyn have stopped spiralling into darkness (at least, for now), but the conversation with their friends, and how much of both Bodhi and Kay (and Dameron, and even Draven) was revealed. Kay and Bodhi square off in a weird duell at one point, enumberating the horrible effects Jyn's and Cassian's breakup had on them individually, and how they, as their friends, were affected, as well. It sounds funny saying it like this, but it isn't, by any means. I think there are few things as horrible as watching a person you love lose himself, be it to drugs and alcohol or to grief and guilt. And it's pretty clear that everyone around them was affected, Kay checking every murder victim that matches Jyn's description more or less and Dameron checking for accidents if Cassian's only fifteen minutes late shows this unmercifully. It's understandable that Kay was fed up to the point at which he forced Cassian to do something, though he, apparently, despite his intelligence and analytical skills, hadn't imagined he'd go and tell Jyn to come home. Bodhi must feel similarly, though I think he blamed Cassian (probably due to the promise) more than Kay blamed Jyn (though he does, I'm pretty sure). And, of course, Bodhi wouldn't have wanted Jyn to go and call Cassian like that. I wonder what he would have done, as last resort? Hm. (Oh no, please don't go and write another heartbreaking story! .)

Can Bodhi forgive Cassian for breaking his promise? Will his second one mean anything to him? Bodhi is kind, absolutely, but he saw what the last time did to Jyn, and I imagine he doesn't look kindly on people who break her heart a second time. (I like both Cassian and Jyn alive, thank you very much, and probably, if Cassian died, Jyn wouldn't live much longer, but that's just a feeling of mine...)

At the same time, it's rather amazing, in my eyes, how Cassian manages to speak with his friends like that. I have best friends, and there are things I don't tell them. It's too complicated. But Kay knows everything about Cassian, and Cassian's not afraid to tell him anything. Maybe it's a case of "you've seen me at my best and my worst there's nothing I can hide anymore" but even then it can be difficult to voice certain things. The fact that they do exactly that - they're really, really, really good friends, aren't they.

Kay's comment that he knew Cassian couldn't have been the murderer in his dreams, because otherwise, he'd be dead, too, next to Jyn's body, was one of the most memorable parts of this story for me.

All in all, you've again managed to make me bite my nails while reading, especially since you started off with a scene from /before/ their wedding (meaning, It's Going Downhill From Here!) But the ending was more and more... hopeful? I hope :) Now, the only thing that is left to do is for Jyn to come back.

Thank you, once again, for sharing this story here! Your writing is superb and your stories are beautiful (and this one at least not as devastating as the previous ones! ). Keep up the great work!
3/5/2017 c1 Moniecat
Amazing! I loved it. Enough said.

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