
1/27/2023 c5 alsdjhfgljkwebgh
lmaaaaaaoooooooooooo Cant wait for this supposed "outline" to come to fruition. Just all everyone else's!
Not.
lmaaaaaaoooooooooooo Cant wait for this supposed "outline" to come to fruition. Just all everyone else's!
Not.
1/12/2023 c2 HughJasz
I'm not sure how exactly to describe it... This story is much too fanfiction-y if that makes any sense.
Too many things just seem to happen and then are explained away in a sentence. It feels like things are much too convenient and people act weirdly without reason.
In the first chapter Harry somehow knows for a fact that Fleur was in france during Voldemorts reign.
Next, Harry and Fleur apparently become great friends of scene without any real explanation aside from them apparently sending letters back and forth to one another.
Then Malfoy continues to act like the most cartoon villain ever by hitting on a girl that just happened to affectionately hug Harry and then gets raging mad when he rudely talks to a Veela about his blood status and gets rejected.
Things just sort of happen. It's a bit more tricky in 3rd person but I feel as though there isn't enough showing rather than telling. Overall the whole thing just feels a bit off and much too convenient; like many of the important interlinking details of the plot were just ignored and skipped over.
I'm not sure how exactly to describe it... This story is much too fanfiction-y if that makes any sense.
Too many things just seem to happen and then are explained away in a sentence. It feels like things are much too convenient and people act weirdly without reason.
In the first chapter Harry somehow knows for a fact that Fleur was in france during Voldemorts reign.
Next, Harry and Fleur apparently become great friends of scene without any real explanation aside from them apparently sending letters back and forth to one another.
Then Malfoy continues to act like the most cartoon villain ever by hitting on a girl that just happened to affectionately hug Harry and then gets raging mad when he rudely talks to a Veela about his blood status and gets rejected.
Things just sort of happen. It's a bit more tricky in 3rd person but I feel as though there isn't enough showing rather than telling. Overall the whole thing just feels a bit off and much too convenient; like many of the important interlinking details of the plot were just ignored and skipped over.
12/22/2022 c4 Brockster550
It’s only a matter of time before Harry’s relationship with Fleur leaks out. Even though Harry knows that Ginny has been interested in him, he doesn’t realize that Ginny only wants the Boy-Who-Lived. I wonder what it was that Malfoy tried to do to Fleur that attracted McGonagall’s attention. Great chapter, keep up the hard work!
It’s only a matter of time before Harry’s relationship with Fleur leaks out. Even though Harry knows that Ginny has been interested in him, he doesn’t realize that Ginny only wants the Boy-Who-Lived. I wonder what it was that Malfoy tried to do to Fleur that attracted McGonagall’s attention. Great chapter, keep up the hard work!
12/19/2022 c4 SvenTheDecoy
the term "heir" itself converys a sense of power, either economically or politically. Duponts, Hiltons, Kennedys, and landed aristocracy have heirs. Bob from accounting has a main beneficiary.
the term "heir" itself converys a sense of power, either economically or politically. Duponts, Hiltons, Kennedys, and landed aristocracy have heirs. Bob from accounting has a main beneficiary.
12/10/2022 c4 Smutley Do-Wrong
Despite trying to hide it, she was quite certain that Harry had feelings for her, he just needed a push to make the first move.
So you can delay delay with endless flirtation which Harry brushes off.
Or, Harry could bluntly call her out, put his "out of his league" concerns on the table. Even confess his infatuation, and that it's a bit cruel for her to "tease" him when she's not sincere. [Not sincere by Harry's assumptions.]
OR Fleur could be blunt. Have a Q&A. Ask why Harry doesn't flirt back, why he isn't taking her "hints".
One option, she might "prove" she's not JUST teasing, she's seriously sincere, getting closer and closer during such a conversation, then asking, if he believes her NOW [immediately closing remaining centimeters distance, and kissing him.]
Among my few guesses, maybe like pre-teen and barely teen school settings, you'll have Aimee as the envoy, confirming both parties like like each other, green lighting the two parties can admit it to each other without fear of rejection.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
"I like him Aimee, I really like him." The other girl didn't need to be told who Fleur was talking about, though she still looked skeptical.
MORE than THIS:
"I seem to recall you saying that before and it didn't end well for you."
OR THIS: "This is different though." Fleur told her friend how she had acted towards Harry and his reaction, or lack thereof for the most part.
IT could really use few more sentences ELABORATION for readers, even adding an introspective narrative of couple sentences would help. Other wise it's so vague as would not be missed, if ommitted.
There's the above THIS & THIS; and then theres A/N: "...things about Fleur and Harry and the way they're acting. For starters, Fleur will not be some boy-crazy, love-struck, puppy. She's still rather stoic and mature but she's also a seventeen-year-old girl who is excited. For the first time in her life she likes someone who genuinely likes her back for who she is instead of what she is..."
"WHAT she is", yet considering: "Author's Note: I want to quickly clarify four things. ... ... Fleur will not be the same as she in most other fanfiction stories. I'm going to attempt to keep her much closer to canon. Yes she has the allure that Veela are known for but it's not uncontrollable for her. She will attract the attention of many men but because of her natural beauty, not because of any outside influence. For those of you wondering this is why Ron didn't lose his mind when he saw her. She also won't be able to change like the full blooded Veela can. ..."
Then the best highly guessy speculative conjecture I'll have to go with, filling so many blank spaces: Fleur is not so Veela-esq, really seemingly LESS allurie-dury IMO than even canon [just ONE eg.: why else would out of his league Ron have ask-demand stuttered out to Fleur, she going to Yule Ball with him].
So I'll just be guessing, a recent not that much younger Fleur, or maybe much younger Fleur, "fell" for a similar age or older boy or man, whom she didn't initially realize, his only interest and goal, was to "get into her panties".
She "attract(s) the attention of many men but because of her natural beauty, not because of any outside influence".
Well then, basically one has to view her as a gorgeous teen witch, or say, even view her same as a gorgeous muggle girl.
Which doesn't well fit : "...likes her back for who she is instead of what she is..."
As equivalently, supposedly, WHAT she is, is an attractive teen girl.
Confusing. Speculation does not fill in gaps in the framework pieces outlined and bits of pieces on page in the narrative.
Despite trying to hide it, she was quite certain that Harry had feelings for her, he just needed a push to make the first move.
So you can delay delay with endless flirtation which Harry brushes off.
Or, Harry could bluntly call her out, put his "out of his league" concerns on the table. Even confess his infatuation, and that it's a bit cruel for her to "tease" him when she's not sincere. [Not sincere by Harry's assumptions.]
OR Fleur could be blunt. Have a Q&A. Ask why Harry doesn't flirt back, why he isn't taking her "hints".
One option, she might "prove" she's not JUST teasing, she's seriously sincere, getting closer and closer during such a conversation, then asking, if he believes her NOW [immediately closing remaining centimeters distance, and kissing him.]
Among my few guesses, maybe like pre-teen and barely teen school settings, you'll have Aimee as the envoy, confirming both parties like like each other, green lighting the two parties can admit it to each other without fear of rejection.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
"I like him Aimee, I really like him." The other girl didn't need to be told who Fleur was talking about, though she still looked skeptical.
MORE than THIS:
"I seem to recall you saying that before and it didn't end well for you."
OR THIS: "This is different though." Fleur told her friend how she had acted towards Harry and his reaction, or lack thereof for the most part.
IT could really use few more sentences ELABORATION for readers, even adding an introspective narrative of couple sentences would help. Other wise it's so vague as would not be missed, if ommitted.
There's the above THIS & THIS; and then theres A/N: "...things about Fleur and Harry and the way they're acting. For starters, Fleur will not be some boy-crazy, love-struck, puppy. She's still rather stoic and mature but she's also a seventeen-year-old girl who is excited. For the first time in her life she likes someone who genuinely likes her back for who she is instead of what she is..."
"WHAT she is", yet considering: "Author's Note: I want to quickly clarify four things. ... ... Fleur will not be the same as she in most other fanfiction stories. I'm going to attempt to keep her much closer to canon. Yes she has the allure that Veela are known for but it's not uncontrollable for her. She will attract the attention of many men but because of her natural beauty, not because of any outside influence. For those of you wondering this is why Ron didn't lose his mind when he saw her. She also won't be able to change like the full blooded Veela can. ..."
Then the best highly guessy speculative conjecture I'll have to go with, filling so many blank spaces: Fleur is not so Veela-esq, really seemingly LESS allurie-dury IMO than even canon [just ONE eg.: why else would out of his league Ron have ask-demand stuttered out to Fleur, she going to Yule Ball with him].
So I'll just be guessing, a recent not that much younger Fleur, or maybe much younger Fleur, "fell" for a similar age or older boy or man, whom she didn't initially realize, his only interest and goal, was to "get into her panties".
She "attract(s) the attention of many men but because of her natural beauty, not because of any outside influence".
Well then, basically one has to view her as a gorgeous teen witch, or say, even view her same as a gorgeous muggle girl.
Which doesn't well fit : "...likes her back for who she is instead of what she is..."
As equivalently, supposedly, WHAT she is, is an attractive teen girl.
Confusing. Speculation does not fill in gaps in the framework pieces outlined and bits of pieces on page in the narrative.
12/6/2022 c3 Mark Andrew
Heh. Just found this. It'll be interesting to see how things go in this version. Has Harry also been made Heir Black yet?
Poor Harry being "teased" at the end there haha
Heh. Just found this. It'll be interesting to see how things go in this version. Has Harry also been made Heir Black yet?
Poor Harry being "teased" at the end there haha
11/28/2022 c2 jessessanto
Deixando o Snape extremamente idiota só para o HP parecer mais esperto do que realmente é
Deixando o Snape extremamente idiota só para o HP parecer mais esperto do que realmente é
11/27/2022 c3 Brockster550
Harry and Fleur sure pulled off an amazing duel, one that was definitely worthy of everybodys’ time. The spell Harry and Sirius were working on was unexpected, but Harry did have a point that pure-bloods wouldn’t think of putting any effort into muggle fighting. Great chapter, keep up the hard work!
Harry and Fleur sure pulled off an amazing duel, one that was definitely worthy of everybodys’ time. The spell Harry and Sirius were working on was unexpected, but Harry did have a point that pure-bloods wouldn’t think of putting any effort into muggle fighting. Great chapter, keep up the hard work!
2/9/2022 c2 Brockster550
Draco would’ve bitten off more than he could chew if he tried to take on Fleur in a duel. Nice to Fleur getting along with Ron and Hermione so far. Great one-shot, keep up the hard work!
Draco would’ve bitten off more than he could chew if he tried to take on Fleur in a duel. Nice to Fleur getting along with Ron and Hermione so far. Great one-shot, keep up the hard work!