4/22/2019 c6 23tracyh
I think you need to have a bit of a think about the way your characters speak. In some parts of your story, you almost get it right, but in other parts, the language is far too modern. One glaring example is Mr Hale using 'that is great'. He just wouldn't have said that, no matter how delighted he was. There are also some glaring Americanisms in the story, use of 'sidewalks' etc, that doesn't suit the story. We don't have sidewalks in England, we have pavements. Someone else has pointed out your mixing up of 'descent' and 'dissent', so I won't repeat that, but I will point out that at one stage in the story you use 'ratchet' instead of the word I think you mean, which is 'racket'. I think you'll find a 'ratchet' is a spanner in England, while a 'racket' is a loud noise.

John and Margaret's marriage happens far too quickly. In England, even now, if you want to get married in church there are procedures to go through. The banns have to be read, a process that takes places in the church where the couple intends to marry. On three Sundays before the wedding, the vicar, priest or minister (depending on the denomination the couple are from) would publish the banns of marriage between any couples marrying in the church at the end of that month for example. It might even take longer than a month because some churches don't publish banns every week. The banns makes public a couple's intention to marry in that church and also gives the congregation a chance to state if there is any reason in law (ie one of the parties already being married) why a couple cannot marry. It is only after the banns have been read three times that a couple is free to marry in church. I should point out that a couple could have bought a special licence in those days, which would have enabled them to marry quickly, but I don't think that would have been something either Margaret or John would consider. You have to remember that although some Victorians were a lot less strict and traditional than some people think, Margaret would have been brought up a certain way and John would have had his position in Milton to consider. A quick marriage might have left John and Margaret open to suggestions that they'd needed to marry quickly because she was pregnant, for example. Illegitimacy happened in the Victorian era of course, a lot more than people think and in all sorts of classes of society, but I don't think it would happen to John and Margaret.

I think you also need to watch your characterisations a little bit. John's almost slavish devotion to Margaret might sound romantic, it is in a lot of ways, but John is a man of business as well and I don't think he could completely abandon that side of himself even if he wanted to. Some emotional conflict for John, where he is concerned about having to balance time he spends with Margaret and time he spends at the mill might have been interesting. With Margaret as well, I think she takes over from Mrs Thornton as mistress of Marlborough Mills a bit too abruptly. It would be her right to do so, but I don't think Margaret would be so tactless as to start making changes almost the second she is married. To my mind that could have antagonised Mrs Thornton and rightly so. What you could have done is laid the groundwork for any changes Margaret made to the house by building a relationship between Mrs Thornton and Margaret, after all, they do have John in common now and both women love him in their own ways. In a way, and I'm sorry to say this, your story lacks a bit of depth by putting Mrs Thornton on the sidelines too much. You say Mrs Thornton gravelly disapproved of Margaret and you say it was obvious, but how was it obvious and why did she disapprove? How did that disapproval show itself and how did it make John feel? The thing is, John loves Margaret, but he also loves his mother and as much as John is his own man, I don't think he would be able to disregard his mother's disapproval easily, but with your focus being solely on John and Margaret, and her father to a degree, it is like John is almost turning his back on his mother and I don't think he would do that.

I think making Mrs Thornton too unyielding as a character, even by making her invisible, is a bit unfair on her. The thing is, Margaret's feelings for John change and grow, so why shouldn't Mrs Thornton's feelings for Margaret develop? I'm not suggesting they should develop a mother/daughter bond overnight, I'm always slightly cynical about stories where they do, because Margaret's own mother is dead and as someone whose own parents are both dead, I would question whether Margaret would want a mother replacement as such, but I think the way you depict a bond between John and Mr Hale could be echoed by building a bond of sorts between Margaret and Mrs Thornton. I would even go as far as to suggest you could write of some of the similarities between the two women, because I think they are similiar in some ways.

I hope you don't take offence at my review. Your story does have potential, but I think your urgency to make it a romantic, happy story has taken away the depth it might have had and stopped you thinking about the sort of characters you are writing of. There is plenty of room in the story for the romance, but I think you have inadvertently made the story a bit one-dimensional. I think you could also have checked up on the use of language a bit better as well as the details of the time in which your story is set, the need to have the reading of the banns for a church wedding for example, as well as the sort of clothes Margaret would have worn underneath her dress when she is undressing with John for the first time. Victorian ladies wore layers, lots of layers. I think you could have researched that a bit and it might have been something you could have had a bit of a light moment with, I mean, imagine John's face when he's keen to be with Margaret like that for the first time, only to be confronted with various items of cotton underwear :)

5/10/2018 c1 Libt1096
I read them your 1st chapter again and love it!

12/10/2017 c6 Libt1096
Please update?...

9/11/2017 c1 Guest
That’s not clear why Margaret would not refuse the marriage proposal of Mr. Thornton in case if he had declared his love to her from the very beginning, for she never the less refused to a proposal of Mr. Lennox although he also has declared his love to her. So, there must be some difference between those two proposals. That is not pointed out, but should be.
Then (original) Margaret and John are too proud to let themselves so easy to be so childish open in such early stage of their relationship, for their pride is so very essential and crucial, that exactly the pride was the only reason why they had to endure so much struggles before to get together.
And although I find very sweet those fanfics where Mr. Thornton is as virgin as Margaret at the moment of their wedding, but I just don’t believe it. He might be never been truly in love before but that he would be entirely avoid of any physical experience is rather impossible. Men of the Victorian England had very different background as women and regarding the physical experience that was a virtue for a lady, was a disadvantage for a man, and contrary.

7/26/2017 c6 2Vero Diaz
please update soon

7/7/2017 c6 tgo62
I just found your story and enjoyed reading it. Although...I
think this went too quickly and easy, I'd think Margret would have much more doubts in the beginning and may have eventually agreed to get to know him better just not to hurt him too much (being a student of her farther he also provides income), but not with officially courting. So maybe there could have been some more twists and her opinion on him slowly, slowly getting better.A marriage after just one month courting would be a rush even in our hasty times. Pretty sure Margret would have slowed down the process. And pretty sure that his status in the Milton society would have made it imperative to have a big, long planned mother would have insisted, don't you agree?
John's love ... Hmm, a bit too much, a bit too romantic and obsessed.. That guy is a rational business man, so I think it is just a bit exaggerated that she becomes his only purpose in his live? But I can agree that he is more in love with her than she is with him.
Never mind, I am Looking forward to the next chapter. The twist ... I have a see if I am right.

5/8/2017 c6 Kss
I liked it and look forward for your posted story.