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5/31 c1 Person
Seriously! Update! Now! Before I turn you into a pigfart! read 'CHERUB:The Simons Twins' trilogy to find out (the most amazing fanfic. Ever). It's by Lulu Bee.

Don't worry though. Your fanfic can be amazing if you continue it. Don't abandon this:(
4/13 c1 Asia
Jesus Christ that was horrible. Not the writing but what happened to him. I want you to finish this but make sure to make the paragraphs a bit shorter and the chapters longer. For future references, when someone else starts to talk, start another paragraph. For example:

"Why are you in my house?" Jared asked Jacob, beyond angry at this point. "I told you never to come back here."
"Well that's too bad," Jacob said. "I don't care one bit. I'm older, stronger, and better than you in every way so stop trying to tell me what to do."

Do you see where I'm coming from? Overall besides a few grammar errors this isn't bad. I hope Jared gets into CHERUB.

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