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5/31 c30 ThunderBasilisk
The surface to Air Snorlax had me laughing
4/22 c29 5TheCouchEffect
Over the past month or so, I've been giving this story a read since I've heard great things about it and I am finally caught up. One thing I have to say right off the bat is that I like your take on the Journey style of fic. While it follows a similar outline as others in the genre, it's able to stand out in a number of ways.

The level of detail and world-building is fantastic. It's never too much at once and the majority of it is interesting. The lore around Ghost types, the introduction of and explanation for why Human's can use certain abilities, not to mention the technology in use. It's all really good at capturing the imagination.

Your battles are also fantastic to read through. Most stories I've seen tend to keep them short and simple to either avoid being repetitive or because they can't make them interesting. Your story, on the other hand, does the exact opposite. Not only are the battles long, they're so detailed and creative as well. Your ideas for combination moves really add a level of excitement to every battle because us readers never know what new strategy is going to be used. Speaking from experience with my own fic, writing good battles is hard so I can appreciate how you've consistently been able to do it.

I also love how you've characterized the gym leaders. In most stories, they tend to get glossed over and pushed to the side. Their personalities are rarely more than surface-level at best and they feel more like artificial roadblocks for the MC's to conquer. In your story, they feel like actual people meant to guide and test trainers on their journey. I especially adore Surge's relationship with Ash.

Speaking of Ash, he's also pretty unique. There tend to be two types of Ash's in the fandom: Anti-social edgelord's or complete incompetents. In your story, though, you've managed to make a compelling Ash that is both friendly and competetive at the same time. It's nice seeing him interact with others like a normal person. It's also nice how you show that Ash isn't perfect. While his losses are small in number, he has still lost against others that were either smarter, stronger, or a combination of the two. It helps keep a level of tension to the story that is appreciated.

I also appreciate how Ash has his moments of arrogance. While it doesn't make him likable, it does make him more fleshed out and it does make sense why he'd think he's strong - because he is. He's just not as strong as he thinks and really got a sense of tunnel vision thinking that no one else is doing anything to help. I'm looking forward to seeing how he develops now that the threat is over.

As far as his team goes, I don't have much to say. While they do have notable personality traits and I can remember each of their names, they also feel... kind of underdeveloped in a way? While it doesn't detract from the story in any major way, it means that some moments don't impact as much as you may have wanted. When Luna wanted to abandon battling for coordinating, it kind of came out of nowhere. Prior to that chapter, we never really got any indication she was unsatisfied with battling. It didn't detract from the emotion of seeing Ash trade away a friend of his, but it is something to keep in mind. Mainly since I like the team and would love to see more of their interactions.

Now for some more con/crit.

I know that the general lore of Pokemon is that trainers start their journey at 10. The issue with that - at least as far as most fanfiction is concerned - is that it's hard for people to believably write someone that young. Most of the time, they end up coming across as older teens. This seems to be the case here as well. As I previously said, Ash is written great here. But he feels like a teenager and so do every other trainer who are supposed to be around his age. One thing I've noticed reading these chapters one after the other is how you'll frequelntly have a character say how young Ash is.

In some instances, it works well like when Ash has been injured by Team Rocket. In most cases, though, it feels like you're having to remind people that he isn't a teenager and is still a kid.

There is also a minor criticism I have about Ash. Throughout the story, every time he captures a new Pokemon he asks them if they want to travel and battle with him. Multiple times he's stated that he would never force a Pokemon to come with him. Yet... Snorlax was threatened and deceived into journeying with him. He was never given a choice in the matter and it almost feels like Snorlax's anger at being taken is never addressed completely.

It just makes Ash come off as... well, kind of unlikable in that moment. It may have been out of an unwillingness to give up the Pokemon that he worked so hard to catch, but it does contradict some of his earlier characterization. It's a relatively minor point though and I can easily look past it since it doesn't detract from the story.

Now as far as Team Rocket is concerned, I don't have much to say. They came across as a credible threat and every time they showed up I was wondering how Ash and co were going to get out of it this time. The build-up to the reveal of Giovanni was fantastic. I enjoyed pretty much every scene they were in. But... I do wish there had been more time given to their motivations and characterization.

While each of them do stand out from each other, I'm left shaking my head at a lot of their actions. As someone who's studied terrorist organizations for my degree, one thing I can tell you is that they usually have an ideal or goal that they use to justify their cruel actions. But I can't see why so many of the Grunts would be okay with killing children. What motivations and justifications are they using to do so? Why do they believe that their cause is worth crossing that line?

I can tell you now that even most hardened criminals would flinch at that prospect. So while Team Rocket being willing to cross that line does make them more vile as an enemy and easy to root against, it just personally left me with questions about their motivations.

I get the feeling they'll be addressed in the future possibly, but I just felt I should bring it up here.

Anyway, this story was a great read and I'm excited to see where it goes in the future.
3/10 c29 bleacherspam1
I really am enjoying this. Ash is still pretty volatile, and Natalie has gone full psycho, but we'll see what happens. It felt like Ash was catching a lot of undue shit earlier, because though he was reckless, he was doing the right thing from a moral perspective. It needs to be tempered, but definitely was a bit overkill, though maybe that was the point. I hope Ash catches some more cool and fun Pokemon as well. If I were to offer a recommendation for you, I'd explore the characters of Ash's Pokemon further. We know a bit about their battling (though their styles still aren't very cohesive) and we see them train and battle, but it doesn't feel as if I know many. Luna was the one that I knew best, and she was traded, still sad. If you look at something like Traveler, you know and feel the loyalty and brotherhood with Nidoking, the vanity and pride and motherly affection of Plume, the aggressiveness brutality and earned trust of Infernus, etc. Your Pokemon while we know them somewhat, don't really that element, so I'm less connected to them. You had more of it early on, when you talked about Zeus's pranks but its kind of dried up. I know that theres a lot of battling and plot and training and human relationships to be developed as well, so its hard to focus on this as well, but if I had to offer 1 tip to elevate it, it would be that. Apart from the interactions when they are first received or caught, it seems that they almost have no external personality. I hope this doesn't come across as a flame, because its meant to just be constructive, and its still an incredible story - but that's my piece of advice.
3/9 c10 bleacherspam1
I can't lie, I'm incredibly disappointed that Clefairy is gone even if it was planned. I like Scyther as well, but I had grown very attached to Luna. I'm going to have to take a bit of a break before coming back, because this one hurts.
2/13 c29 2Rockadoodle88
Okay! Finally caught up!

Good to see the Team Rocket arc reach a conclusion. Also good to see that captures are slowing down as well, I was afraid that Ash would have twenty Pokemon at this point, but you've managed to characterize them quite well! Kudos to you!

Natalie seems like kind of a jerk now, I hope light is shed how why she's turned out this way. This story reminds me a lot of Traveler, and I still stand by my point that this can definitely be one of the behemoths of the site.

My criticisms... I don't really have any. Maybe make the battling scenes shorter I guess, but that's just my own personal preference with these stories.

Hoping to see an update soon. Good stuff, good stuff indeed.
2/12 c7 2Walkmanapprenticewordsmith
siiiiiiiick fire mon!
2/12 c6 Walkmanapprenticewordsmith
balls. I always hope for the little dragon
2/12 c5 Walkmanapprenticewordsmith
niiiiice delphi
2/12 c4 Walkmanapprenticewordsmith
mudkip woulda been cool. getting some ground typing would help him. but this works. just waiting for the bird to grow up now :p
2/12 c4 Walkmanapprenticewordsmith
I noticed he hasn't been using his mom's gift that often? maybe when he's on his own it'll show up more.
2/11 c3 Walkmanapprenticewordsmith
I can't deny that clefable in the games wrecked everything. not my favorite mon but I could deal with it. I also thought a pikachu was gonna be caught aswell but a different one was. so who knows, there could be a surprise in store
2/11 c2 Walkmanapprenticewordsmith
curious what his fire mon will be. amphy is a great mon too
2/11 c1 Walkmanapprenticewordsmith
like the first two mons so far. the second one has always been a favorite of mine e
2/11 c13 2Rockadoodle88
Read some more. Really like the action scenes, you nailed them on the head. Me reading this has motivated me to re-edit my own story, would love it if you'd check it out and gave your thoughts.

My only concern is the fact that Ash already has nine Pokemon, and only four badges. Personally I'm not a fan of stories that have too many Pokemon in such a short amount of time, it doesn't really give room for the Pokemon to develop as their own characters. This story is one of the rarer instances where Pokemon are given personalities instead of just being "haha i like to battle" which I commend.

Still, nine Pokemon in the span of thirteen chapters is a little fast, don't you think?

Anyways, great story you've got here. Has a lot of potential to end up as one of the big journey stories.
2/4 c29 Guest
It Is good to read a new chapter again, hope everithyng Is fine, please finish the League, have a nice day and stay safe
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