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3/15/2019 c13 1Xion The XIV
Hmm I truly think a good pokemon to fully replace Luna would sad as I am to suggest it. a Togepi. I would instantly go to Mawile or Alolan Vulpix those are my favorite pokemon with fairy typing in them, but I truly think this type of Ash needs something like a Togepi to help him cope and take his mind off of everything. Having it be a baby stage and actually act like a curious child like the Anime's version would probably be good for this Ash.

Frankly I hardly ever see anyone use a Companion pokemon in fanfictions. Pokemon that doesn't really want to battle or contest, but will gladly train and be with you.
3/7/2019 c6 stormhazel
Crazy that they let ten year olds gamble
2/9/2019 c13 Guest
For a fairy Pokémon to replace his clefairy you could give him a granbull they are rarely used in fanfics
1/30/2019 c13 2einstinstalin
I’m hoping you give ash an Umbreon.
1/30/2019 c10 1DnK
Good history but has no sense cleafairy for shyther...
1/22/2019 c1 Guest
Patiently waiting for a new chapter also for a replacement fairy type might I suggest sylveon I haven’t seen all to many fanfics use it
1/22/2019 c1 18ChangerOfNames
you know... I just realized that the reason Ash is able to fit so much in such a small bag is because it's bigger on the inside. Look at the mini Doctor man go! How adorable.
1/11/2019 c14 DelusionistX
Isn’t his hat destroyed from the team rocket raid aka golbaf ?
12/8/2018 c11 PenileBrakes
This chapter was damn realistic.
12/7/2018 c10 Guest
Eh. Super weak chapter. Just boring all the way around
12/7/2018 c9 Guest
Do not give the characters guns, it's stupid and lazy.
12/6/2018 c7 Guest
So the battles were a little better but the way you portrayed the Roch people was way over the top and felt forced. I think you need to look up the term fan pandering because you don't know what it means.

The whole Rocket part was pretty lame as well. Although I'm not sure at the moment if it's because yours was shitty or if all the other versions I've read of the event were that much better. Probably a combination of both.
12/6/2018 c6 Guest
A pretty eh chapter. The tournament battles so far have been pretty below average to what you have written previously so kind of a let down there. I am not a fan of your Gary at all, that whole scene what that rich guy was just really cringe worthy and unnecessary. Ash just letting him use all of his TM's was about the stupidest thing you have done thus far in this fic. Giving up so many advantages while getting nothing in return is pure laziness.

The real world terms you keep using are another mark of a lazy author. Why would Ash no what Ebay was?
12/6/2018 c5 Guest
Your pacing in this chapter was terrible. His time in Saffron made no sense. The battle place was stupid. Then it goes from that to traveling with Ritchie? Doesn't make any sense.

The Travelers Ash isn't antisocial. He just understands what it takes to train and gets it done so he can accomplish your goals. So far your Ash has 3 badges but his journey has been really shallow. At the same point in the story The Travelers Ash would absolutely destroy yours no doubt. So work on your character actually going some strength because even though you have given him this huge advantage with having a Pokemon Master as a brother Ash is pretty fucking clueless.

Oh and the word you should be using is scamper not what ever dumb shit you've been typing. Get a beta reader as there are tons of spelling and word choice mistakes. Your conversations are shit as well.
12/6/2018 c2 Guest
Interesting start! I wasn't too thrilled with Ash having an older brother named Red that was already a Champion and a pokemon Master as that seems to make anything Ash do not all that special.

The changes in his starting pokemon are interesting as well. i was hesitant when he caught a Mareep as I wasn't all that aware of their move sets and evolved forms, but after doing a bit of research on Bulbapedia I am looking forward to what you have planned.

Your two original characters are super annoying and I hope Ash splits from them soon.
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