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6/1/2018 c11 anarion87
great chapter
6/1/2018 c11 Amourshipper35
O wow what a chapter I really can’t behave what team Rocket did and I hope ash will be oaky and they his Pokémon are oaky two
5/29/2018 c4 5Kaiser Chris
First time review, so far the story is a good version of the Rational Ash scenario with a nice change of pace thanks to Jack and Natalie's presence along with the inclusion of Brock, Misty, Paul, and the other OC's. I'm kind of disappointed that Jack and Natalie parted ways with Ash since all of the other Ash Journey fics just have him alone, which deprives some of the entertainment that came from the anime. Ash's roster is well-balanced and also completely original for the most part. Also ballsy move to have Proton die, though I like that Mt. Moon finally had a different outcome than the games.

All of the praise aside, I'm somewhat disappointed that Ash doesn't have the six-team limit. It seems odd for Ash and his friends to get so even with Oak's patronage as to me having seven or more on the roster means that you earned the right and that you are the best of the best. Ash shouldn't do so until he at least completes the Indigo League. Ash not having the limit has always been a lazy way for writers in the past to make him stronger without having to carefully conserve his training time with each Pokemon and actually using strategy in how to rotate and balance his team. Hopefully this isn't abused in the future.
5/7/2018 c10 ncread
4/15/2018 c10 10Capty Fanfic
Sad Luna gone.
4/11/2018 c1 Guest
Jack snorted. "You kidding? So many preservatives in this thing, I'm going to live forever."

Hahaha this almost killed me from the laughter!
Great job on your first chapter - I'm sure the rest are just as good.

Bulbasaur is my favourite Kanto starter too, although people usually go with Pikachu or Charmander, so I'm really happy.
Good luck on completing the story!
4/9/2018 c10 3Xuric
I'm going to begin by saying that I really do enjoy this story.

That being said, you're veering fast into the territory of having Ash acting like an OC or SI in all but name. I think the most Ash-like he was in this chapter was when he freaked out about dying. Even his arguments with Misty felt like they weren't truly in character, nor was his attitude with Luna. Think back to canon with Bye Bye Butterfree and Pikachu's Goodbye. Ash was always the sort of trainer that would put his pokemon's feelings before his own the moment he realised what was happening. His jealousy with her leaving was understandable, but a little bit too drawn out.

A few other things, though they could be my own personal bug bears. We don't need whole sections of the story dedicated to shopping trips and Ash going over every TM there is available to buy and what he could use them on, etc. It'd save a lot of time to just skip straight ahead to him initially teaching the pokemon how to use the technique. Good story telling is about showing, not telling. Instead of the entire shopping trip, just try instead having a quick throwaway line about how he went out and bought some TMs he can use to train his pokemon. Then let us 'see' him using them to train his pokemon.

By that token, we don't need as much information on the training as we're given. You're getting better with showing less of it, but having a large chunk of the chapter just dedicated to 'Ash then told this pokemon to practice this move against that pokemon. Another pokemon was struggling with this move. Ash spent time with them whilst another pokemon was doing this move with this pokemon.' Instead if you want to show a pokemon struggling with a move, have it go wrong in a battle. At the moment, the constant details of training regimes is beginning to feel almost repetitive. Whilst you need to show us instead of telling us, you also need to consider that sometimes less is more!

The foreshadowing with Luna was nice, if not a little too obvious given the explanation of Delphi just beforehand. If you want to really set the stones of foreshadowing, try having it several chapters before, as a very slow burn until the eventual event.

In regards to Kenny, don't let you personal feelings on a character influence how you write them. I say this since you mention you want to try and write a book (and don't we all, on this site? XD) You may love characters and you may hate characters, but you shouldn't make a character you hate be universally reviled by everyone. It's almost the same as making a character you love into a Mary Sue, just in the other direction. Think of it like a challenge with your writing; take a character people hate and make the reader love them. Like villains on a good tv show or a film; we know they're evil and they deserve to suffer, but we love them so much we want them to succeed. It's the sort of thing you should aim for.

As for your title, I echo your sentiment that you should drop The Kanto Arc from it. There's too many stories floating around at the moment with [Region] Arc in the title. That said, I don't think just naming it Trainer does the story justice. The title should reflect the plot and the overall journey. Look at The Sun Soul and Game of Champions. One uses a plot device as the title, the other uses a plot theme as it. Both of them make you interested to know what the title is referring to.

Again, really enjoy this story and going to continue reading it. I just thought a wall of concrit would be a nicer thing than just clicking the favourite button and skulking in the shadows waiting for the next update.
4/3/2018 c2 Mimeomia
this is it for me. making j&jstrongerjusto so the can keep up agains 3 trainers. naaah
4/3/2018 c1 Mimeomia
i can't give a fuck about the OC trainers. that's my only complain
3/30/2018 c10 vvDreamerSky
It's somewhat off-putting how over the top some of the characters are being.
3/25/2018 c10 Webb
Thank you for this story so far. It is by far one of my favorite Pokémon fics. I was ok with the Luna trade it happens and scyther is just awesome. Can't wait for the next chapter.
3/21/2018 c10 1Korin Dragoon
I have an OC you can use once you get to the Kalos and Unova arcs, I'll P.M. her profile to you asap if your interested, she could be someone Ash helps or travels with him a couple times for a short time.
3/19/2018 c10 guest
I think delphi teleporting more in battle would be a good tactic he should start using.
3/17/2018 c10 3Ruby Pen
Wow. I gotta say, I didn't see that coming. Although, I'm kinda glad you did. I don't think I've ever seen an Ash rewrite where he trades his Pokemon. I think it'll be interesting to see how he handles trading Luna and how well Scyther meshes with the group.

Speaking of which, I don't know if you have already given Scyther a name, but may I offer up the name Switchblade for consideration? I just think Scyther is an awesome Pokemon and I think that name would be cool
3/14/2018 c10 3legoboy20
I'm guessing the hint about Luna getting traded, was Delphi spending more time with her.
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