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8/16/2017 c5 Tercian
Okay, so you have a lot of good things going here, though there are a few aspects that make me wary. I'll go through those first since I don't like ending on a sour note.

The universe of pokemon is huge at this point, with so many characters involved in it that I don't see a point in using OCs unless you absolutely have to. Very few people actually like OCs, no matter the skill with which they're written, and so they tend to drag the story down. I was glad that Ash had departed from Jack and Natalie's company, but then disappointed to see that a good portion of this chapter was dedicated to his experience with some other OCs, albeit ones that are far less friendly. The request for OCs submissions doesn't bode well for the future, either. I enjoy seeing you develop Ash's team or canon characters far more.

I get what you're going for, in that not all of us want to write an anti-social Ash, but I think there are other ways to do that outside of using OCs. Even just writing cities in a more positive light than Traveler-Ash's "get me out of here ASAP" attitude helps, haha.

On a different note, a useful bit of advice, I think, would be to flesh out your descriptions and evoke the five senses. But then again, this is a piece of advice I give to everyone. Traveler and Challenger are a bit dry in terms of writing style, and they've instilled a longing in me to smell the fish reek of the Vermillion harbor, taste the salty wind tugging against Ash's clothes, and so on. I like it when the places Ash travels through are given life on the page, life beyond that given to us by the games or anime.

I am looking forward to seeing what you have planned now that the focus (presumably) has to fall squarely on Ash, without the diversions of Ritchie, Jack, or Natalie. Ash has an interesting team so far - I've always liked the bulbasaur and mareep lines - and you're doing well to make the pokemon feel like characters rather than props. I'm curious what pokemon he'll catch that aren't native to Kanto or Johto.

You're also doing well in terms of pacing - too many writers rush through Ash's journey - which means this fic has the potential to develop nicely. Small incidents now have the capability to be build-up to bigger plot threads later.

Looking forward to seeing what you have planned for the St. Anne arc. It was a defining point for both Traveler and Challenger, so exciting times promise to be ahead.
8/15/2017 c5 2QuestionableInactivity
I LOVED the way you portrayed Surge. In the Nomad you just gave him his canon personality, but this one is much better. Kudos to you.

Also, are you doing a bit of world-building, with the Kanto-Johto Civil War you keep mentioning? If so, does it have something to do with this story? I'd love that.

Can't wait for the St Anne arc. Hopefully Ash will meet up with Gary and Surge and maybe even win the tournament which is obligatory? I wanna see how this plays out.
8/11/2017 c5 2J'aimel'anime44163
Awesome story so far! Can't wait for more!
8/11/2017 c5 5PlunnyBreeder
Ack! I'm so nervous about what Delphi is scared of!
8/8/2017 c5 Guest
Seems to brag about his dad a lot
8/7/2017 c4 SamuelHalligan
Please let the dragon you give him be a Bagon. I don't know what it is, but I rarely see Bagon in fanfiction and when I do it's always a shiny or ginormous or some other thing that makes it a god in Pokemon form. Just once I kind of want to see a normal Bagon grow into a majestic Salamence without the aid of Lugia or something ridiculous. Maybe a funny personality quirk (I imagine dragons as a type are rather vain, that could be fun to explore, just a Bagon stopping in the middle of a battle to fix their hair).
But do whatever you think is best. After all, you've made all the decisions thus far and it's turned out wonderfully :)
7/31/2017 c5 pyre101
*Gyrados, not grasps. Damn auto correct on my phone.
7/31/2017 c5 pyre101
First things first, thank you for writing this story. I have been looking everywhere for a good story like the Challenger and Traveler, where the author takes time to allow the Pokemon to learn their moves, instead of just giving it to them. Also, none of the Ash has Aura bullshit. Thank you very much. Now, suggestions. I took a look for a dragon type that lives in Kano, and the only ones are Grasps, kingdra, and the Dratini line. I am going to assume that you're looking outside for the dragon Pokemon. If I may, I suggest Latinas on the grounds of plot. Yes, it is a legendary, but with the line of "abandoned Pokemon", you have a nice little subplot going. Another Pokemon that I don't see being used is Vulpix. A decent fire Pokemon who, I think, can be utilized in a decent way. Especially if I'm reading the description of Ninetales correctly. Ninetales says that it is only a fire type, but I would ask about its mystic power in its tails that the Pokedex mentions. Done with the Pokemon suggestion. Phew. Now, I would ask you about your plot. Are you planning on doing the thing of going to each gym and that's it? Because I feel that is a bit lacking. Please elaborate on gym leaders or maybe travelling companions. Maybe humanize some of the Pokemon. Give Ash and Co a dark event or challenge that he has to overcome or struggle with. I want more than just, "Ash goes to the 8 gyms, goes to the conference, lose, and move on to the next , good story and keep on writing!
7/28/2017 c5 Guest
OCs already make a fic really bad, but his team makes it horrible. All of his Pokémon are crap, and most of them aren't even native to Kanto. And Ritchie gets Ash's Charizard? His best and most popular Pokémon? Fucking retarded
7/27/2017 c1 2J'aimel'anime44163
Interesting enough that I plan on continuing with the story. My only complaint would be that there seems to have been no editing done to catch errors in the story. Specifically one part where Delia scolds Jack for his use of language yet he didn't curse in his dialogue.
7/26/2017 c5 25Crimsom-Wyvern
You know, while reading this chapter I couldn't help but imagine just how hard Lionel's dickshness might bite him in the ass later on when Ash gets more experience and training.

I was also pleasantly surprised by how you protrayed Surge. Most fics tend to make him a meat-head or outright villainous but you just made him a gruff son of a gun. Quite similar to his Traveler version but with your own little twist.
7/26/2017 c5 ScottSthero
Nice chapter. It was nice to see your take on Ritchie and his team. I'm glad Ash didn't get charmander because so many people have done it and it's repetitive. I really like Hydrus, golduck is a very overlooked Pokémon and I'm excited to see what you do with him. Can't wait for St. Anne. Keep up the good work!
7/26/2017 c5 Crazily Insane One
Hey there!
1st things first though: A big NOOOOOO to making my favorite Charizard into Zippo. I'm almost disappointed. Charizard is Ash's signature Pokémon. Just like Pikachu.
Oh well. Guess I'll have to make do with Chimchar or Pignite or whichever other you pick. Though I do hope it's Chimchar rather than the others. Infernape just has that fire. Oooo. How about Torchic, Torchic would be beautiful! Even though it isn't a Canon One.
I didn't like how easily Ash forgave that Lionel dickwad. He was a crappy piece of work. Can't wait to see more of Surge. He and Blaine are 2 of my most favorite Gym Leaders ignoring Brock due to his brotherly role to Ash.

Your Pokémon team is a bit... Unique. XD

That XD is a smiley for me laughing. Because your team is truly unique. I've only seen Ash catch a Golduck in one other fic. And there too he had to release it because it was too arrogant and refused to follow orders. But I can't help but feel it'll be much better here.
Already gave you my opinion on the other 4. I do hope you'll add a bit more variety! Ooooh! Can I make a special request? Can I can I? I want you to add in a Gollett to his team for me! A Ghost-Ground type for the win! It'd be so awesome!
Did I give you my OC? Or did I forget about that? I forgot didn't I? Maybe I gave it? Meh! I'm just gonna give another one.
Name: Shiv Stark
Age: 17
Gender: Male
Badges: 3 (Blaine, Waterflower, Erika)
Pokémon: Bellsprout, Magmar(Bred, Starter), Gastly, Emolga, Tauros, Omanyte.
Behavior: Behaves dopey like Slowpoke but is quick to order out attacks. His Pokémon are similar.
Appearance: Average Blackhaired, Brown Eyed. Wears a Purple Silk Suit with a White Dress shirt and black loafers.

The battle where Psyduck loses was pretty interesting. And I know what you're doing with Xatu. You're really clever aren't you. It makes me cackle. XD

You're pretty awesome dude. Cant wait for St. Anne and it's battles! It's gonna be epic. I know it. I know you told me that he's getting a dragon type. But I was curious about what your opinion is on Metagross as a potential Pokémon for Ash. It's one of those Pokémon that I love but I have seen Ash actually get except in those fics where Ash catches every Pokémon he comes across and gets like a dozen Pseudo-Legendarys per chapter.

Can't wait for your next update. I'm so pumped. Ooo. Ritchie is one of my favorite rivals for Ash due to their similarities in Pokémon and training method. Almost makes me wish for the Indigo league to see how Ash (of Trainer) faces against Ash (of the Anime).
7/25/2017 c5 2Phantomsoul2015
Finally your back
7/25/2017 c5 1995hzq
Kudos on the new chapter. Delphi evolved. And Charmander goes to Ritchie. Awaiting the next one.
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