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3/11/2021 c1 Rylek196
Since this story is a huge pile of shit, I'm gonna self promote my better story than this abortion. *Ahem* I hate to repeat myself (Just kidding, this story is shit, and deserves it), but I have been writing this amazing story called "Long Way to Fall". It has great characters, great action scenes, great descriptions, and great expansions to the Unova lore. So what are you waiting for, it's only a few clicks away from my profile :D
3/9/2021 c6 exstermnater66
I know I'm writing a comment early in the story when there's still alot of chapters left for me to read but could ash have a milotic I don't know if you'd want him to get feebas first and then have it evolve or just catch a milotic but I think milotic is underated and really powerful if trained right and can learn a lot of diverse moves
3/7/2021 c26 Uday Sra
2/1/2021 c1 lavelle1984.cl
I would've like this story but Delia says thing that make no sense, like telling Red he didn't apply himself or saying language after they left the lab even though no one swore.
1/17/2021 c25 Namittheking
From the looks of it the league has apparently no intelligence network because so many rocket incidents happen and the league is never even close by. also, red was scolding ash for being stupid but if this is anything like the red from the games, hasnt he done very similar things himself? And why havent any of the champions gotten involved even after the attack on celadon? Security honestly seems like a complete joke. And i personally am not a fan of what happened with delia or the fact that ash is seemingly always in the wrong but i guess thats my personal opinion
1/17/2021 c1 PKZ's Ghost
...there was so much hope...
What happened...
This first chapter... Was this really the start of what was to come?
I hope it gets better for them all. And you, too.
1/15/2021 c26 Guest
what kind of stupid shit was this chapter really?

I get that he finally has his head out of his ass but the whole detective and nurses in on team rocket while nobody was actually watching ash and them in case team rocket comes back? The way you make team rocket over powered I understood but not to this bs extent. And really, we just discussed Ash's fuck ups and immaturity and now suddenly he's analyzing that he should keep his mouth shut about this situation? Red is his big brother he would've known something fucky was going on. And now his naive ass walks into an OBVIOUS trap.
1/14/2021 c3 Namittheking
I really like the story so far. Since ash already has a psychic and a fairy type i assume he wont be getting a ralts at any point. Was really hoping to see it since gardevoir is my favourite pokemon
1/9/2021 c26 Ash Greninja
I really like this fic as even though it’s horrible it’s realistic that because of Ash attacking the organization they would go after his mother whereas, in other fics he seems to have no repercussions aside from injuries. That said I don’t understand how one man can be so brave yet such a whiny bitch at the same time. It seems like every time something happens he will yell or scream and I get that he’s 10 but when I was 10 I didn’t whine that much and his journey should have hardened him at this point. One thing though that I’m glad you stopped doing is having Ash tripped because for his first few times he ever got in trouble he would always trip and slow down and it would irritate because it seemed like his clumsiness was a plot device. Anyway I wonder how Ash is gonna get out of this, but more importantly please have some easier chapters on Ash after this I mean it’s been rough for a long while now and the kid deserves a break I think he’s worked through his reckless heroism. Also I mean with his mother being crippled I also don’t think you should cripple Atlas as that would be kicking a dead horse he already has his mom please don’t make it worse. Keep up the good story I really love the rewrite journey fics and also I liked the way your ash is less a prodigy but will make it to the top through sheer dedication however one can tell he is still above the rest so I would like it if he would show more times where he’s creative like counter shield type techniques.
1/7/2021 c26 Guest
This is no better than "badass" ash, betrayal, dark and edgy AU, etc. etc.
1/4/2021 c14 Dzk
I didn't like this ending... What Misty did was unbecoming of a leader... And that the people she scammed now get attacked..? Feels really messed up.
1/3/2021 c25 a prick
I favorited too many fics to keep up with and manage while my evolving tastes made me lose interest in a good number of them. Vaguely remembered reading some of the earliest chapters, thought this was just another Traveler-based fic, and decided to skip ahead to a middle chapter to see if this fic was unique and worth keeping up with.

Gotta say I'm glad I did. A fic where Ash is more competent and serious but not overpowered and just as naive as he is in canon seems like a really interesting premise.
1/2/2021 c26 13A Wordsmith
Hmm, I feel the reason people are having problem with your Team Rocket isn't so much their strength - stories like Traveler, with massive Mewtwo and such, also have them as powerful, but they're less focused on Ash and make more sense, I guess. In this story, Team Rocket is constantly hunting down Ash for seemingly very little reason - if Giovanni is sick of Ash, just murder him with Jude instead? And why kidnap Professor Oak and paralyze Delia just for Ash?

You really have a compelling story, and I like the team - but I'm worried you're trying to get too complicated in your enemies and plot. Taking some time off I feel would help you, sitting down and hammering out what you want to do with your Team Rocket. For example, why would Giovanni want to capture Ash? He's made himself a nuisance, but not much more than that, in the grand scheme of things - but he is connected to several very important people. Giovanni's reasoning of playing with his food could be a fun one but if he's willing to go to such lengths to capture one kid, I'm imagining this is the moment he's going to reveal himself.

Now, I can understand not wanting to back up and remove what progress you've made in these last two chapters, as you have worked hard on them, but something nice to focus on would be progression, as strange as that sounds aha. You've spent a lot of time on this current arc and a half, both with Sabrina and now this, and it'll help you to get back into what made Trainer Trainer - training! Let me chuck some random ideas aha - not trying to take over your story, but I think we can both agree that readers have been confused by these past two chapters, and it's probably a sign you need to take your story a different direction if you want to keep the readers that have been loyal for the previous 24 chapters.

Okay, so Giovanni kidnapped Ash and revealed himself to him. He also took Professor Oak and attacked Pallet Town openly. Ash on his own isn't that important - but what he stands for is: a bargaining chip. Ash came willing and alone, and even with Shade, no one knows where he is.
Something you've also set up in this chapter is Red caring for Ash - little scenes like the hospital, and afterward with the sleeping scene. Red is also a significantly more important character in the grand scheme of things with the League as an ex champion. So really, there's a great set up for getting Ash out of this arc and into something new - Giovanni plays with Ash, waiting around for Red, and then offers a trade for Red to stand by him in return for Ash and his mother's healing. Or something along those lines. Then there could be plenty of League drama to develop the story while still leaving that more to the wayside.

Sorry if this feels like I'm trying to force-feed that THIS idea must happen and this is the ONLY way to save your story - it isn't! But this is coming from a concerned reader who's seen you getting negative feedback from your readers and the very real reaction of defending yourself from it, while not wanting to give up on the story you've spent years crafting. There is still hope for Trainer's future, and I'd really hate to see it gone now.

I feel the most important thing is to get Ash out of the thick of it - let him have some consequences from this, with Screecher's new weirdness and potentially Red taken by Team Rocket/Mom still injured, but let him get out. He needs to become stronger if he wants to stand on any standing with your version of Team Rocket and right now it's already clear he isn't - he's been beaten down by every battle over the past few chapters, and we want to see him winning and traveling with his team again. The easiest way would be for the League to recover him and send him off somewhere for his own protection for a month maybe, just so he could relax from this endless pain he's going through, train with his team, and hopefully get closer to them to help get a few emotional arcs in so they can become more stated in your readers' minds.

I do hope you continue this story! I know how demoralizing negative reviews can be and you've had your fair share, but there is the silver lining that those readers have been around for as long as you've been writing and they want to see this story succeed, and so do I! It's completely understandable to want to double down on your plan, especially since you've been writing for so long - but it might be time to reconsider that. People love pokemon stories because of the traveling and the teams, and that's what people love about your story. Hope you're able to find your way!
1/2/2021 c26 Haziq Saffari1
Well this has gone a lot more tragic, can't believe that Mismagius did'nt help just to try with Adapt. Delia being crippled and Giovanni forcing Ash into battle.

Don't know what to make of this.
1/2/2021 c26 abc.ogg.123
... interesting
...very interesting.
I am... Not a fan, per se, of what you are putting your CharaCter thr0ugh, b-b-b_ut I believe you ha a a ve

A reason
For this... Pain
For these.. . Horrors
All... This... Suffering...
And... I... I... Will sit and watch.
You would do well,
W w w wArsOfShadows,
To he he heed the warnings of those you aim to please...
I request better.,.,... fRom you.
Until next time...
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