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for Harry Joins Vongola

12/12/2018 c1 Sliver Crystal of Tokyo-Moon
Please update new chapters
1/15/2018 c1 Guest
10/4/2017 c1 Guest
Great premise, I would reccomend that you change the POV you are writing from. Have a look at other fics to see what I mean.
6/1/2017 c1 8Bloody Constant Writer's Block
this is word vomit, your stating not telling.
5/11/2017 c1 10Amu4ever
Um...where is the story? This is a very long summary you have there, but...no story...?

In case this is meant as the story I had recommend using more active voice for starters. Showing what you want to say instead of describing it may help as well. Not to forget more details. Right now it is like "This happened and then this happened and then that...". Try applying the tips I gave you above and I am sure it will be way better :)

If you did write this as a summary, than does that mean the actual story starts next chapter? Did you post this chapter merely to hear what people think about the general idea of your plot?

Thank you for taking the time to post your story here :)
5/10/2017 c1 5tenthdayleo
Okay, I am loving the hell out of this premise. Would it be too much if I could ask to take this on or to at least borrow some elements from this? You know, besides a few tweeks here and there. If yes, then I'll definitely let you know once I get done with the first chapter. If no, then oh pooh! 3
I can see this is just a prompt instead of a chapter. I was a little confused by some of the reviews that you got. Apparently they weren't able to tell the difference (lol). Anyway, can't wait to hear back from you.
5/9/2017 c1 Ddragon21
yah I do think harry would be good father/mother figure to lambo and the kids plus Harry can also cook so while tsuna's mom is away he can cook. I see haru and kyoko maybe looking up to harry.
5/8/2017 c1 2B.A Victoria
So this isn't really a story. This just seems to be an overview on what could happen in a chapter. Also the transitions between each part don't make a lot of sense. Also, where is the dialog? All you give us are statements on what happens. "Harry changed his name." "Unknown mafia gang attacks Tsuna and the gang." That's not really a story. Just a bunch of actions with no character or personality. You don't even describe things very well. For example, there is a part where the known mafia gang attacks him, Lambo, and Futa and you don't even describe the action. Do they use guns? Did they attack with other people present? What kind of spells did Harry use? None of this is explained. We don't even know how the characters are feeling except that Reborn doesn't trust Harry. It kind of makes sense to explain how Harry is feeling about packing up and starting up fresh in an entirely different countries that are completely different culturally. How does Harry even communicate with Tsuna and the gang? It's not like he speaks Japanese. So sorry for being kind of mean but this isn't really a story and I don't recommend you continuing unless you want to add in basic story elements.
5/7/2017 c1 3Hxneybee16
I'm terrible sorry, but please don't write anymore...
At least until you now how to properly structure your story, and stop flinging from past to present.
5/6/2017 c1 Cyber-Kanochi
Please continue
I love this story
5/6/2017 c1 13foxchick1
Can't wait to see this as a full story.
5/5/2017 c1 1SleepyMangaHead
How much you want a bet that the only reason they never met Asuka in the future, is that when Byakuran attacked his kids he died or fell into a coma protecting them. Of course seeing their mom die, be severely injured, in front of them caused the kiddies to go bezerk(?) and kill their attackers with extreme prejudice.

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