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for Ours is the Iniquitous

10/17/2019 c2 CharacterOne
"overkill"
theres no such a thing as enough killy
2/10/2019 c6 yasulong
Oh, comes on ! Did you seriously just rewrite the ending to kills off Nicole and Chiki? And left Leonard alive? What about that epilogue with Miss Damned over Apocryphal? At least leave some decent persons left in your story, if everyone is either an asshole or a psychopath, who would I relate with now?
2/4/2019 c7 Artyom-Dreizehn
This is kinda BS in regards to Hunters, down to genetical level they are base humans(same as Remnant Civilian Human which is more or less same with Baseline Humans just excluding Aura and Semblance). And having Aura tank an Astartes strikes are really unrealistic, yeah it will be not good of a story if you didn't buff them but what's more important is what feels like to fight an Astartes, a giant wide Transhuman clad in Really thick Power Armor and moves impossibly faster than what might be possible in that Large Mass of a Human and Armor(Transhuman Dread).

Yang might Tank half a Dozen or less but thats it, more so with others. As Astartes get out of the Discrimination because of the Popular Reverence they had with the God Emperor, while Hunters Don't have that, if the population feels like your really different, you'll be discriminated a lot no matter what you say, this isn't just because your asian or black american, that's out but because you can get away with your aura and semblance that Police would be Useless(Canon). In Reality Hunter's will be monitored, restricted by laws and frowned upon a lot by the civs because of the leeways they can have and can get away with(Yang).

Well, short stuff: Nerf the Aura shield BS and give importance to the Transhuman Dread that Astartes give when in a fight. They are made to fight against all kinds of monstrosity and fight another day.
2/3/2019 c9 9XxDarkangelxX2003
OOF!

* HAS STOPED WORKING*
7/14/2018 c2 QuestionsForSome
Thinking about it, “heathen” might be better
7/14/2018 c2 QuestionsForSome
Good flow so far, but not “learning a heretic language” makes no sense

A heretic language would be a xeno or Chaos sigil language, not a human one
7/13/2018 c9 yasulong
I am confused. For some reasons, you decides your story wasn't good enough and wish to redo it? While I has alot to say about the how and why that decision comes to pass, I feels it will contributes nothing so let's skip that. What I hopes is that you can leave this alone, with a note that this is discarded version and upload the reboot as new entry. That way, we can still has the old version to come back and read again sometimes.
About the rewriting, let me offer an example I seen personally on this site. A Persona fic was written up to 60 chapters, with average of 2,5k words per chapters. Author has problems with how it developed, he cut away 20 chapters to rewrote it. Its last update was 2 years ago.
I can't tell how the writers feels about their works when they're looked back. From the hearsay I has seen, its tend to be terrible. What I want to say is please bear with it, even if it looks like an affront to the God of Literature or something, rewriting is harder than it seems, almost another talent separate from writing itself. I has read famed author's recompiled works from their weekly series that actually worse than the original.
Finally, coming from a stranger on the Internet might not meant much but I hope your life are okay, maybe goes to a church to confess, or talking to somebody, your note seems like you could use one.
6/17/2018 c5 overtoast
Thank You Father
6/17/2018 c3 overtoast
I was gonna drop a review but Big Blue Gay already did all the reviewing sorry bro
6/17/2018 c2 overtoast
I love the way you write 40k. You just say, "huh, how strong can I make these guys" and just turn them up to 11. Like, I'm pretty sure half the shit here is canonically wrong but who fucking cares, 40 mm boolet.

40k fanfic is at its best when it does like 40k authors do and says "fuck consistency"
6/17/2018 c1 overtoast
Man fucking everything you write is so goddamn weird and pretentious. You're like the only dude who I think pulls it off though, your authors notes contradict your story so it Just Works
11/9/2017 c11 QuestionsForSome
You have so many great half finished stories, are there any plans to continue them if I may ask?
8/20/2017 c1 pre74
fampai, half that much bolter shells can drop SM with ease while your SM are tough and strong but their bolters are like pea shooters
8/9/2017 c11 6Aquaticmammals
I like this story, and am asking for you to read the Dawn of War Dark Crusade Steam Guide. How to play Space Marines: Kill everything.
In all seriousness, you make the space marines like Dawn of War space marines. In that game bolsters are no more than machine guns, and if I recall correctly didn't a space marine literally slap bullets away, and a space marine could easily get a speeding ticket running in a residential street. So Space Marines, stronger than portrayed.
7/9/2017 c8 gommunism
Really good story, hope you continue it. It's great seeing a break in the usual WH40KxRWBY stories where person X of ordo/chapter/regiment Z is transported to Remnant by warp storm #346790 and becomes part of team RWBY.

Your portrayal of the world of Remnant is amazing, as everyone in the RWBY fandom sees hunters as these benevolent warriors of humanity that plan their every action solely for the people. Your story shows the reality of Remnant; that hunters are not restricted to morals. They can choose to be, but they can choose not to be.

I can't really review on the Imperium characters, as my review would be biased. I personally am a space marine/Imperium fan so I would always be on their side of the argument, regardless of their actions.

As for team LNCE, you've done very well in your writing to inspire emotions in the reader. For me, it was pure hatred for Leonard and Nicole. For Chiki and Eriks, it was a hint of sadness and anger that they were so weak that they could not take action against the two higher-fucks.

Well done.
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