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for Serena - the evil mini fanfic

3/2/2018 c1 6Make FFN Sensible Again
LMAO! This was funny. Serena is an OOC yandere b*tch in this one. I love it. It's going into my favorite stories list.

That said, I can't resist pointing out some holes in the story.

1. Forgive me for beating a dead Mudsdale, but when you use script format, please combine the lines.

2. The content should match the summary's expectations a bit. I didn't see either Lyra's explanation or a heated argument.

3. Serena's chat with Ash should have some detail.

4. What else happened to Serena at the end? Was she convicted? If so, did she go to jail? Did she escape?

Otherwise, keep up the good work.

-Mach, one of your many fans and blunt critics.

P.S.: I apologize if I come across as mean, but I want you to excel as a writer. I also have to be honest.
7/2/2017 c1 77QUEENSPELLER67
1. Why did Clemont call Serena a yandere?
2. I like Bonnie being blunt.

...I liked this rare pair fic. Wow. It's a bit of a bummer that they didn't get to see this story. I liked it, though.
6/27/2017 c1 WatchtoonzRex
well, it looks rush...and the ending is really mediocre...
5/21/2017 c1 sawa.the.super
Serena is not lie this. I didn't like it a lot. It's started out good but ended so weird. Please change
5/17/2017 c1 8G-man India
this is a more like a parody then a romance.
5/15/2017 c1 Guest
I don't like Serena but I don't hate her either but if I had to choose between lyra and Serena who ends up with ash I choose lyra hands down for several reasons and Serena in this story was like a maniac and a bully no offense

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