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for 01- The Death of a Bachelor- A Serious Play for Trivial People

7/27/2018 c1 Guest
Wonderful job making this your own while still capturing the brilliance of Mr. Wilde!
6/25/2017 c1 102Aviantei
Greetings, Fahiru! Glad to see your postings. Writing in screenplay format seems like a challenge, and I commend you for taking that route.

It's been a while since I've read The Importance of Being Earnest, and after this I feel like I need a touch up. Regardless, I enjoyed the action and details you put into the stage directions. Maybe screenwriting might serve as some good practice material for myself...

Thanks for giving me some things to think about and for sharing your work again. Hope to see you again soon!

-Avi
6/10/2017 c1 12stealthclaw
Wow! I must confess, I'm not familiar with this play, but I've gotta say, I personally think you'd be a great playwright. From the get-go, I was intrigued and drawn in by the stage directions, which instantly hinted at a sense of discord in the house. It made me curious to know what the conflict was, which is a good start. I also really enjoyed the manner of language you used when writing the characters' dialogue. Algernon's shifting between showing a dramatic front, and his true feelings of being scared and frustrated, are quite beautifully conveyed. I also quite enjoyed Lane's character. His dialogue was written with a rather sardonic edge, yet it never actually feels mean-spirited - rather, it gives the feeling of dry-humored camaraderie, which brought a sense of comedy into the grimmer elements of the piece. As Cecily herself was more mentioned than shown, I mainly understood her from the point of view of these two first characters, but her last line distinctly made me feel a chill up my spine, and even more so after I read the bit of context in your author's note. I've got to say, you succinctly showed the emotional conflict of their relationship, and how Algernon essentially is being strung along by Cecily's selfish whims. I'd say this was extremely well-done.
I do have to admit, at some points I had to read over certain lines to make sure I understood them properly (e.g. "You can never be sure if people mean until they die or until they forget, or if you mean so until you forget") but I wouldn't say it's poorly worded, just slightly awkward in comparison to some of the other lines of dialogue. The wordplay was great, on a whole, and I'm thoroughly impressed!
6/7/2017 c1 40FullMentalPanic
I'm really blown away by everything you're able to get across here. You're being almost absurdly faithful to the source material, probably even more so than I know since I haven't read it in a while. Still, as I've said before, certain parts of this really remind me of Milne, which I intend entirely as a compliment.

You weave humor and tragedy together expertly throughout this, and I'm impressed all over again with the play format. It does keep it in line with canon, but you're very adept at communicating emotion, wit, irony, and physical comedy through this style. I very much enjoyed the wordplay in this, and the serious moments bite all the more sharply for being surrounded by triviality. The way Algernon sees all the bleakness of the situation when he's left alone with his own thoughts, and there's no one to perform for, was esteem sly effective. Superb work with the title. I very, very much liked what you did with this entry.
6/7/2017 c1 64Chronic Guardian
You know... I think this touches on exactly what I didn't like about "The Importance of Being Earnest". The characters only achieved a "happy" ending by conforming reality to their whims rather than adjusting their whims to reality. Nobody is rebuked for wanting the wrong thing. In addition to having a wonderful grasp on Wilde's diction, I feel like this is the proper follow up to his work. For all the melancholy you play here, you may very well have a Milne-esque future in writing actually-good-"adaptions" to past authors.

I like how you bring up the focus on novelty. Nothing has inherent value to this mindset, it's all weighed on the surprise and intial pleasure. The note on engagements being "until you die or until you forget" has that wry mix of horrifying and coldly amusing that marks a good didactic work. In the spirit of Dandyism, the characters dance close to these issues but always shy away before they can be fully explored.

"She'll be rather cross with you [if] you don't"

The breaking of the mirror to reflect a shattered, muddled reality is... actually a really well thought out symbol. Nice touch!

Also, the parting line of "time isn't going to kill itself" is perfectly played because the flippant statement carries so much more weight than Cecily is willing to afford it.

On the whole, I think you've just produced my favorite story of the week. I am in awe of your mastery, young Fahiru. Your training has served you well.

Hoping for more as the summer continues,
-CG

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