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for Shinobi Hiden: Missions, Misinformation, and Mind Games

9/25/2018 c7 10Junior VB
No está mal.
-
Not bad.
9/25/2018 c5 Junior VB
Sakura puede golpear muy fuerte.

Naruto derrotó a Kakuzu.
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Sakura can hit very hard.

Naruto defeated Kakuzu.
9/25/2018 c3 Junior VB
Ahora Naruto es Hokage, jaja.
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Now Naruto is Hokage, haha.
9/25/2018 c1 Junior VB
Naruto se sustituyó con una molécula, jaja.
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Naruto substituted himself with a molecule, haha.
6/28/2018 c7 Kyuubi-dono
Wow. Fucking go Naruto. He really could have done so much with the Kage Bunshin No Jutsu. Ah. Well, very cool story. I enjoyed reading.
2/2/2018 c5 15Saengak
Ah, missing-nin and Naruto-verse politics, some of my favourite things. Konoha's 0 ryo bounty is on point ;) *Kakashi fangirl squeal*

I like how you analysed Team Kakashi. And yes, please show the Uchiha Sakura's true potential! Kakashi's reasoning is really quite interesting - quantity over quality huh?

Punctuation wise, a dash "-" shouldn't be used before a quote. A colon ":" would be more appropriate. Again, some commas can be removed and the sentence restructured, e.g. "His face, though no one could see it..." can be changed to "Though no one could see it, his face wore an expression of extreme sadistic happiness in addition to the mask."

Kakashi's teaching-by-ramen-analogy strategy is genius by the way :P

Thanks for writing! I enjoyed reading! :D
2/2/2018 c4 Saengak
I think this might be one of my favourites chapters because I thrive on angst :'( This makes a lot of sense, really. The whole yin yang concept is about balance, right? No wonder Naruto's chakra control was all messed up. I'm glad you addressed this. There would be a whole orphanage full of baby Narutos though! Babies cry and poop a lot, you know? That'll be chaos! :P

(I wonder about the story behind the twenty bowls of ramen. It must have been Kushina's idea, right?! Hahaha)
2/2/2018 c3 Saengak
I'm finally back with another review :3 All the jounin's reactions were really funny! I liked how Hiruzen was so eager to offload of his paperwork onto anyone willing. Kurenai's reaction and how the Aburames eventually got blinded by Naruto's smile was just hahaha.

Just some suggestions... You've used "but" to start to start the paragraph three times in a row - I'd prefer a little more variation. On another note, there is some debate whether or not using "and" or "but" to start a sentence is grammatically correct. Apparently it is, which is great, but generally I'd avoid doing it if it's not a deliberate stylistic choice. Especially if it's writing for formal work stuff :P

"What in the name of _ happened?" is the usual expression. When the structure is changed, it becomes a little odd. And some miscellaneous edits: "at" different volumes; "who" were not currently on missions; and "from" the window.

"Kakashi, as always, had not come till now." means that Kakashi was already there. Perhaps you meant "Kakashi, as always, had not come yet." since he was late hahaha. I liked that ending btw!

Generally, please use less commas so the sentences flow more smoothly. You don't always have to use a comma before "and". Sometimes it's just a matter of style but towards the end it's more of a grammar issue. E.g. remove commas from: He held out his hand(,) and Genma...; We have them to this day(,) and we use them...; There was a puff of smoke(,) and... etc.

Yep! :) Hope this will be of help :)
12/11/2017 c2 Saengak
Ah, sneaky sneaky Orochimaru! It was a nice touch that he left a loophole for himself to exploit. The pacing in this chapter was also just nice, yay! :)

I also really liked how the discussion between the three kids when they were planning the attack, and how Sasuke went off on a tangent about the Sharingan (because that's just typical of him hahaha).

Just a small point about punctuation. When there's dialogue, the full stop turns into a comma if there is phrase identifying the speaker afterwards. For example, it should be: "Hello," she said.
Not: "Hello." She said.

Good work! :3
12/11/2017 c1 Saengak
I've read the entire fic — I have to say, I'm amazed with how you can come up with all these awesome ideas! :) I'll review each chapter individually.

For Ch1, the idea is novel and definitely very interesting! You've also got the characterisation down pat and your Kakashi POV has a lovely sarcastic humour to it. Everything is also explained very clearly and I can imagine everything that's going on with clarity.

I feel that descriptions can be made more concise, however, so the time spent reading isn't' too much longer than the "real-time" speed in which things are occuring. I don't mean that you should cut out the details (which are great) but simply to rephrase in small ways. For example, the paragraph starting with "He tried to take the most believeable disappointed-teacher tone he could muster..." can be rearranged to: "Sakura, I'm disappointed!" Kakashi declared in the most believable teacher-tone he could muster. "This is what..."

Another suggestion is to cut out possible repetitions, e.g. "...several things happened in quick succession. There was a puff of smoke...". You can say instead: "... completed the Snake Seal, there was a puff of smoke ... than a football."
Another e.g. ""What had just happened? / "Naruto, what exactly did you do?" Kakashi asked..." The first sentence can be cut out.

That said, this is just my nitpicking for this chapter, so take my suggestions as you will :) It's always a balance between pacing and description.

I really enjoyed reading your story so don't worry! ;)
11/28/2017 c1 Rikud Sennin
I enjoyed reading you story, dynamo!
11/27/2017 c6 2Old Herobrine
Chapter 4 is incredibly bleak in this regard.

Kage bunshins of the 4th simply waiting to die and dispel. Now knowing the end product is fine and all, but his wife just died in front of him. I'm not positive on the mental deterioration of clones, but that still has to be rough once the battle fever dies down.
11/1/2017 c7 TheLordOfChicken
Well, that's awesome!
10/26/2017 c7 2C'Riverblade
Hell Yeah!
9/21/2017 c6 1Keyser.S
If you want, you got yourself a beta reader. I have solid access to a computer on Sundays, but could also do beta-reading through my phone. Let's talk more if you're interested.
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