for Kiss From A Rose7/12/2020 c1 derekctomlinson
great story ghost mai smirking at her boyfriend and husband joey remember that i will haunt you if i ever see you cheating on me
great story ghost mai smirking at her boyfriend and husband joey remember that i will haunt you if i ever see you cheating on me
1/11/2008 c1 
70darkrunner
I feel kinda bad about this since all the other reviews are good... but well... that's kind of why I needed to write this. It was a good story, but the actual writing part of it could use some work. First off, it ought to be divided into at least 3 or 4 chapters. At the very least, you should distinguish between scenes better. Next, you should spend more time writing it. Most of it was good for grammar and spelling, but it was so rushed, that it still didn't smoothly. Although, this is a songfic, so I guess that you were writing along with the lyrics or soemthing, and that might have something to do with it.
As for the story itself... I'm pretty sure that people in comas don't wake up that quickly. Then, I don't exactly agree with Jou going to kill himself, but it's not entirely out of character. It could use some more developing to get it more in character, though. I don't care who dies, Jou's not the kind of character to kill himself. The "yugioh" bit... I almost stopped reading right there. But I guess the series wasn't over when you wrote this, and there was only dub stuff to go on. So I guess that's actualy okay for the time it was written. Now, though, it'd be totally wrong. And then... the bit with (I'm assuming it's a ghost? or angel?) Mai. Uh... well, I wouldn't have written it, but it's technically in-character. You just need to spend more time describing things.
I'm really not trying to make you feel bad, I just want to help you be a better writer. Believe me, if I didn't like you, I just wouldn't review. It was a great story, and I hope you write more Jou/Mai fics in the future!
70darkrunnerI feel kinda bad about this since all the other reviews are good... but well... that's kind of why I needed to write this. It was a good story, but the actual writing part of it could use some work. First off, it ought to be divided into at least 3 or 4 chapters. At the very least, you should distinguish between scenes better. Next, you should spend more time writing it. Most of it was good for grammar and spelling, but it was so rushed, that it still didn't smoothly. Although, this is a songfic, so I guess that you were writing along with the lyrics or soemthing, and that might have something to do with it.
As for the story itself... I'm pretty sure that people in comas don't wake up that quickly. Then, I don't exactly agree with Jou going to kill himself, but it's not entirely out of character. It could use some more developing to get it more in character, though. I don't care who dies, Jou's not the kind of character to kill himself. The "yugioh" bit... I almost stopped reading right there. But I guess the series wasn't over when you wrote this, and there was only dub stuff to go on. So I guess that's actualy okay for the time it was written. Now, though, it'd be totally wrong. And then... the bit with (I'm assuming it's a ghost? or angel?) Mai. Uh... well, I wouldn't have written it, but it's technically in-character. You just need to spend more time describing things.
I'm really not trying to make you feel bad, I just want to help you be a better writer. Believe me, if I didn't like you, I just wouldn't review. It was a great story, and I hope you write more Jou/Mai fics in the future!
8/6/2006 c1 JoeyXMai
AW, that made me cry! And I don't cry often!
AW, that made me cry! And I don't cry often!
10/11/2004 c1 Chaos Inferno
OHH that was sad (sniff sniff) But i still liked it alot keep writing cause you have a special talent
OHH that was sad (sniff sniff) But i still liked it alot keep writing cause you have a special talent
2/1/2004 c1 kaiba's run-away bride
THAT WAS SO SAD! I COULDN'T STOP CRYING! BUT THAT WAS REALL REALLY GOOD RIGHT MORE GREAT STORIES!
THAT WAS SO SAD! I COULDN'T STOP CRYING! BUT THAT WAS REALL REALLY GOOD RIGHT MORE GREAT STORIES!
10/4/2003 c1 harnessthemagic
Everytime I read this fic, it makes me cry *sniff* you did a superior job and should write more songfics. I finally got around to hearing the song, and it really adds a nice touch. M, Jou/Mai is such a great pairing, and perfect for this fic. Well done, talespinner16.
P.s. This is one of my favorite fics, and my favorite songfic yet. ^^0
Everytime I read this fic, it makes me cry *sniff* you did a superior job and should write more songfics. I finally got around to hearing the song, and it really adds a nice touch. M, Jou/Mai is such a great pairing, and perfect for this fic. Well done, talespinner16.
P.s. This is one of my favorite fics, and my favorite songfic yet. ^^0
5/4/2003 c1 Darris
Greetings!
I liked it a lot; I always thought Joey and Mai gave a nice couple...
whew, but it was sad, wasn't it? If you want to make us cry, for sure you did it...!
Mine one is there, too, with the same title, but it's about Inuyasha. If you like it, check it out. By now, see ya!
Greetings!
I liked it a lot; I always thought Joey and Mai gave a nice couple...
whew, but it was sad, wasn't it? If you want to make us cry, for sure you did it...!
Mine one is there, too, with the same title, but it's about Inuyasha. If you like it, check it out. By now, see ya!
3/1/2003 c1 5Butterfly Girl 1331
Man I love that story! It was so sad and touching at the same time.wonder if my attempt at a song fic can be that good.
5Butterfly Girl 1331Man I love that story! It was so sad and touching at the same time.wonder if my attempt at a song fic can be that good.
2/28/2003 c1 Twister
that was so sweet. *cries* it touched me. you need to write other songfics, you seem to be very good at it!
that was so sweet. *cries* it touched me. you need to write other songfics, you seem to be very good at it!
2/28/2003 c1 Daughter of the Moon
OMG! This was really sad, but really well written. I liked the use sybolism with the rosebush. That was pretty cool! Great work!
OMG! This was really sad, but really well written. I liked the use sybolism with the rosebush. That was pretty cool! Great work!
2/27/2003 c1 1Riykon
wow. that was. beautiful.. sad. it was kinda strange, no offense to you or anything.. Hmm. *tries to imagine Jou-kun on a 6 story building* o.O Either way, it was good!
1Riykonwow. that was. beautiful.. sad. it was kinda strange, no offense to you or anything.. Hmm. *tries to imagine Jou-kun on a 6 story building* o.O Either way, it was good!
2/27/2003 c1 4harnessthemagic
aw! *sniff* its so cute!
Joey/Mai is one of my fav pairings of all time!
I love this songfic! Its so sweet!
*cries* And I don't even know the song and it's still a sweet fic!
-harnessthemagic
4harnessthemagicaw! *sniff* its so cute!
Joey/Mai is one of my fav pairings of all time!
I love this songfic! Its so sweet!
*cries* And I don't even know the song and it's still a sweet fic!
-harnessthemagic
2/27/2003 c1 kira
I liked the way you portrayed Yugi, but other than that, it was weird. I do have something to say though.
JOEY IS NOT A CRYBABY!
Oh and something else.
HE DOES NOT LIKE MAI!
Thats all. Thank you for putting up with this pointless review
I liked the way you portrayed Yugi, but other than that, it was weird. I do have something to say though.
JOEY IS NOT A CRYBABY!
Oh and something else.
HE DOES NOT LIKE MAI!
Thats all. Thank you for putting up with this pointless review