Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for In The Wave Of Passion

11/30/2017 c1 Sue Dooley
Fabulous! Tiva forever.
11/28/2017 c1 Bohogal1998
Waaaaay touch detail on the sex there! Glad they got together though and she trusts him.
7/6/2017 c1 Diana
That was what was missing from the show. Thanks for posting
6/22/2017 c1 67Aksannyi
As someone who does a lot of smut writing, I would just like to caution you against using certain words in your stories.

For one, many people are opposed to the word "cunt." It's considered very derogatory in the US (I am not sure where you are located) and it's not a very sexual word. There are many times when it took me out of the story you were trying to tell, because that word is very unsavory.

The other word I wouldn't use in a smutfic is "cervix." It really only comes into play when one is giving birth, other than that, it's just not a sexy word. It's clinical, and - truth be told - if it's hit by a guy while fucking, it hurts.

Other than that, be careful with words that have different connotations than you meant. The best example I can think of is "engorged." I know you meant it was large, big, huge, enormous. But engorged means that it's actually swollen and often painful. It just wasn't the right word to use in this context. I'm guessing that English may not be your first language (please don't take this badly - I am a teacher and I read writing from my ESOL students all the time, I can just sort of sense it at this point), and so you may not have really known how that word fit in the context, and English is damn confusing anyway.

Now I'm not saying these things to discourage you - far from it. I sense that you are new at smut, so I'm hoping that these pointers help you out a bit. Lord knows we Tiva fans could use more writers, as so many of our great authors have moved on. I think that you have a lot of promise and I would love to see you improve. And I wouldn't take the time to send this review if I didn't think this was good. I'm not a fan of Recoil for a lot of reasons but this is believable and in character, particularly at that moment in time.

I also will say that I don't often read works from people I don't know, because there's a lot of really bad Tiva fanfic out there and my eyes just can't take it anymore. I read bad writing for a living, it's what I do as an English teacher, so when I get to read for pleasure I wanna enjoy it, lol. But I took a chance and while there were a few moments (like the aforementioned) that I was like "wait..." for the most part, it was pretty good. Keep writing - you will only improve. And feel free to PM me if you want more pointers, though I'll admit I'm not much of a beta because I often lose motivation to read things after I've said I will.

Oh my, I'm rambling. I hope that this review makes your day, or at least gives you a smile. As someone who has been writing smut for decades now, I just want you to know that I think this was quite good for a first attempt.
6/21/2017 c1 carlota206
I liked it, very well written and in character
6/21/2017 c1 14beatrix.acs
My dear sister, first of all, there is no need to thank me for anything. I always will be here as your life jacket, as long as you let me. It is all my pleasure and I am thrilled to see this one-shot being published.
I love the setting of the one-shot as I feel that there was left a void between Tony and Ziva and their feelings around this time. I actually feel like that about the whole series because there are too many things that was not said and they should. But that is why we have fanfic writers, right?
Either way - this is such a typical image of the two of them - caring Tony being too careful, unresponsive Ziva presuming things she should not. She wrongly interprets Tony care, thinking that all he wants is just a roll in a hay. Oh Ziva, you are the one who should see behind the clown facade and see what is really there.
Either way, they got to the right part where they should have been YEARS ago... And damn, it is so hot! Like really, I am sitting in a scorching heat of this summer and reading this... Oh my! ;) What a wonderful smut, really :)
And dear Tony, love confessions are not always perfect, but you are right - at least you finally said it, because she damn needed it.
What I really love about this one-shot - no freaking Rule 12, no Gibbs, simply nothing and that is how it should be. Kudos to you for that.
I just have one reproach - typical for me - poor beer. Poor beer bottle falling on the ground and poor the beer most likely pouring out on the floor. Not fair. Just a joke, of course, you know me. ;)
Brilliant job, hun, and keep it up!
6/21/2017 c1 Guest
If this is your first attempt at writing smut I can't wait to see the next story... keep up the good work!
6/20/2017 c1 Debbie
Wonderful job with this story. I really enjoyed it. Hopefully you will write more like this.
6/20/2017 c1 rosali sobreira
love it

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service