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5/24/2018 c1 5TheSecondBestBed
When I said I felt sorry for Al-I TAKE IT BACK. AND OHHHHHHHH GUNTHER YOU SHOULDA KILLED HIM. I kind of imagined some horrible Jane related thing whispered into his ear, but not that! That was far worse than what I imagined. OOH. GUNTHER. KNOCK THIS GUY OUT.
6/30/2017 c1 79SunRise19
Ha! Thinks to seduce Pepper? I think NOT!
Sick bastard!
That is what you had him say to Gunther during the fight? I do have a question, do the writers chat before writing the story to be sure they're on the same page? I mean, did you ask the author of, "no joking matter," if Algernon could say such or is it a surprise to the writer?
I'm asking not just for curiousness, but I wouldn't want to mess something up by mistake if I could ever write something to go with this awesome brilliant line!
Algernon...YOU DISGUSTING BASTARD! Sorry for all the caps those are for his eyes lol...
6/29/2017 c1 biscuitweevil
I wonder at the significance of Algernon’s fixation with Gunther grabbing his blade. He claims “it’s too disturbing, honestly, to examine head-on right now”. So I could just be missing something very obvious—but is it the fact that it was so unorthodox? The fact that it allowed him to be disarmed (and thereby transition the duel to a brawl)? He never seems to move past that point in the fight, assuming he’s recalling it over and over and stopping whenever he gets to that part.

I also worry more for Jane, now. We’d obviously begun to see a darker side to Algernon before this, but nothing this calculating, and especially not with his recently revealed skill when it comes to fighting.

I loved the line “his gaze is vacant as his thoughts bend inward”, as well as the whole setting of him standing up on top of the tower. That he earlier claimed he should “dearly love to see the view from up there” could have been overlooked, but now it’s been turned into a central point that goes along with his desire to always get what he wants. Very nice. His spitefulness in thinking about how Jane wouldn’t show him earlier even adds a hint of childishness to it.

You really took us in-depth, exploring his motivations and convictions. He would have a very strong sense of privilege and social order (describing Gunther as “the lowborn cur” who has “the audacity, the arrogance to love [Jane]”). I think you mentioned before wanting to know what Gunther’s thoughts on all of this were, but here we have Algernon’s opinions, which I think works just as well, as we get to see it from the opposite side. We’ll probably still have Gunther’s thoughts/reactions introduced later on, if you’re not already planning to incorporate them.

And yet in the end, no matter what privilege or right Algernon feels he’s owed his motivation boils down to the fact that he’s just butthurt about the whole thing. He doesn’t even like Jane, but he’s not going to let her spurn him and get away with it. And of course, that’s in addition to the fact that having her will mean getting revenge on Gunther.

But then… oh, why did you have to go and drag Pepper into all of this at the end? I can only hope she’s heard about what happened enough to be wary of him. I don't think he'll react well when she rejects him.

This is wonderful. Although I don’t possess an ounce of love for Algernon, I still love this, as with all your writing. Thank you for all the amazing stories you continue to contribute.
6/29/2017 c1 Bookloverdream
Another well-written piece. Again, I can hear Algernon's pomp. I can't believe how quickly you all are crafting this storyline!
6/29/2017 c1 Guest
I just needed to say I have been following this story game and oh my gosh you all are amazing! Please keep it going there never seems to be enough jatd fics and you all are bringing this fandom back to life! - Bee
6/29/2017 c1 9yingyanggirl
Oh man! My heart is racing and my palms are sweating! Great entry and hopefully whoever continues this will do great too.
6/29/2017 c1 26lareepqg
Oh, he did NOT just go there.

That, slimy, self-righteous, vile, depraved, iniquitous reprobate. How dare, HOW DARE he say something so awful, so disgusting, so contemptible to our dear, sweet Gunther! WHO DOES HE THINK HE IS?

It’s no wonder Gunther was cheesed off. *scoffs* Gosh.

So, wow- way to make Algernon a heinous excuse for human excrement. Well done!

1) I think you’ve characterized Algernon very nicely. You’ve taken a character that was (basically) a plot device and fleshed him out to a multi-faceted character. (Does he count as an OC if he belongs to the entire fandom?) Algernon is a pretty -no- beautiful face, and he knows it. He wields it like a weapon, and probably always has. It’s clearly worked for him up until now, because as you have so neatly shown: he’s used to getting his way. He’s not just USED to it, he’s never actually been told no, or suffered any sort of disappointment. While this might make another a spoiled brat, it has only served to enhance the darker, more sinister aspect of Algernon’s character traits. He’s malicious, conniving, and probably a sociopath. Thwarting his will does not make him regroup or retreat- it results in a full on assault, of the nastiest kind. To him people are not valuable for themselves, they are things to be used and discarded, after they have served their purpose. All of this is so very clear in his brooding.

2) I love LOVE that Algernon is such an adept liar, he can even lie to himself. About Jane, about Gunther as a rival, about the difficult nature of the task he’s set for himself.

3) Language- the repetition of “my blade” and such. It’s very effective in conveying Algernon’s anger and his (dare I say it?) unrecognized uncertainty and insecurities. It’s an excellent literary device, and helps shore up #2.

4) The fact that he doesn’t even WANT Jane, or any of her baggage, makes him all the more hateable. She’s not just an expendable woman, she’s not valuable as a broodmare, she’s not even a shiny prize to be taken from Gunther, she’s just a dull little mud clod that Algernon wants, only so no one else can have her.

Anyway, GREAT JOB! This was fantastic.
6/29/2017 c1 204Jatd4ever
Please, not Pepper, not Jane, certainly not Gunther. Dang it, I thought I hated him in the lasted story, but now I'm hoping for some intervention, anything to rid us of this villain. I know what you mean about the story game. I don't think any of us had any idea where it would go, and thought it would just be perhaps a few fluffy oneshots and that would be it. Man, it will be sad when it is all over, but then again, doesn't mean another story game couldn't start up after that.

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