for One Last Ride8/10/2017 c1 
27HolyVengeance
Misty probably has a head ache the size of Texas after that wreck. Ouch! Ash slicing his knee open must've made him explore unknown realms of pain.
27HolyVengeanceMisty probably has a head ache the size of Texas after that wreck. Ouch! Ash slicing his knee open must've made him explore unknown realms of pain.
6/30/2017 c1 48reppad98
Oh, I didn't know that this story was the first one in the saga I already read a part of. Maybe you should mention that in the summary or beginning author's note of that story (10 Years, it was called, if I recall correctly), then I would have read this story first. Anyway, back to this story. I like the idea about the marathon and the couples marathon, that's a pretty original idea. The scene between Ash and Jimmy was nice, and I would have liked to see more interactions between them and also between the other characters.
I think my tip for this story would lay in the last scene. You have them seem all pretty coherent, and the crash was not really dramatic or anything. It doesn't seem bad, they all seem to be doing well enough, some of them are even walking around. They don't lose consciousness when they're hit, they're not nauseous from the pain, they aren't dizzy from the blood they're losing... In fact, there's no mention of them losing blood, while they actually die of that. So, what I'm trying to say is that the crash and their reactions afterwards don't seem to match with what you're trying to portray, namely that it's a horrible accident and that they're all going to die soon. But that's just my opinion, of course. If you have questions, you can always PM me.
I liked the details with the paparazzi, that definitely makes sense. I can imagine Jimmy and the others (well, most of them, not too sure about Paul or Silver haha) taking the time to give children their signatures and take pictures with them. So that was nicely done.
Thank you for writing this, it was an interesting read, and keep writing!
48reppad98Oh, I didn't know that this story was the first one in the saga I already read a part of. Maybe you should mention that in the summary or beginning author's note of that story (10 Years, it was called, if I recall correctly), then I would have read this story first. Anyway, back to this story. I like the idea about the marathon and the couples marathon, that's a pretty original idea. The scene between Ash and Jimmy was nice, and I would have liked to see more interactions between them and also between the other characters.
I think my tip for this story would lay in the last scene. You have them seem all pretty coherent, and the crash was not really dramatic or anything. It doesn't seem bad, they all seem to be doing well enough, some of them are even walking around. They don't lose consciousness when they're hit, they're not nauseous from the pain, they aren't dizzy from the blood they're losing... In fact, there's no mention of them losing blood, while they actually die of that. So, what I'm trying to say is that the crash and their reactions afterwards don't seem to match with what you're trying to portray, namely that it's a horrible accident and that they're all going to die soon. But that's just my opinion, of course. If you have questions, you can always PM me.
I liked the details with the paparazzi, that definitely makes sense. I can imagine Jimmy and the others (well, most of them, not too sure about Paul or Silver haha) taking the time to give children their signatures and take pictures with them. So that was nicely done.
Thank you for writing this, it was an interesting read, and keep writing!