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10/4/2019 c1 GM0127
This is really good. I came here from ALAAL and I definitely did not expect something like this.
7/13/2017 c1 HelpfulNudge
This is a good story. There was one typo I saw... I forgot what it was, to be honest, though... My apologies. But all around, it was quite good. Good writing. Minimal errors... I can't even remember the only one I saw... Solid flow. Good dialogue. Emotional. Good characters. I definitely enjoyed it. It has potential as a story, but I don't really see it going much further than a few arcs. This doesn't seem like the kind of story to hit 300-400k. it seems more likely for it to hit 100-200k.
7/11/2017 c1 22St Elmo's Fire
Titling chapters in the story itself looks kinda weird; the dropdown menu should suffice.

[our inquiry's]

“Inquiries”. Apostrophes are not used to denote plurality.

[About 4 hours ago the Crown City Department Store was attacked by roughly 11, give or take a few, masked people]

In prose, numbers less than 13 or so are written out with letters. That last part is also very awkwardly worded; you should generally pair descriptions with their nouns. “Eleven masked people, give or take a few” is easier to parse.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor. Or police. Or human. Before you message me about this, please look at fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/55376155/1/Capitalization-Thread to make sure your argument hasn't already been addressed.

[We've already had 2 KIA officers and Pokemon apiece, patrolmen Lenison and Sumeragi along with their Luxio and Beautifly and we're not about to send in any more to die for no good reason.]

This needs a comma after “Beatuifly”, and once again this is awkward. You seem to have a lot of trouble using asides naturally. I'd recommend reading your sentences aloud to make sure they sound natural.

[got their hands of firearms]


[It also begs the question of how 11 people got ahold of guns, those things are extremely difficult to acquire, in fact it would probably be easier to get ahold of untraced Ultra Balls and Full Restores than it would projectile weapons…]

Ooh, that's interesting. I'd assume the prevalence of pokemon would devalue guns, but that depends on their relative power. (“Ahold” is not a word, though; you want “a hold”.)

[The reporters excited words]

Forgot the possessive apostrophe. I think you need to proofread more thoroughly.

[it's heavily armored chassis]

You want “its”. “It's” always means “it is”.


Using Arceus in place of God sounds ridiculous and has no basis in canon. It's fine to just use "God". See here for more information: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/162324520/1/Pokeworld-Religion
7/11/2017 c1 3Vixal
This was pretty cool. I enjoyed reading this, and it's original (although it reminds me a bit of The Reaper), which is hard to find now. I hope you make some more for this.

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