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9/26/2017 c1 Kakari
I Love the story, Please Next chapter.
9/13/2017 c4 flornoir
Oh, for a moment I thought Helga would try to move on from her love positively ~ I admit I'm bummed to read that she's just going to be a magnified version of her bully self. I'm sad that while it seems like they had a friendship blossoming, it was more like a bandaid from the last incident, time apart and together with how they are now isn't good for them
9/10/2017 c1 Lulabell
Love the story so far!
9/10/2017 c4 Guest
Cool story. Can't wait to read about the Gerald Field Rumble coming up.
9/8/2017 c4 Guest
This is getting really good! Can't wait for the next chapter.
9/7/2017 c4 Badwolf123456
YESSSSSSS! Amazing ! I was worried you were gonna make helga weak and pitiful but you made her badass I cNt wait to read the next chapter !
9/7/2017 c4 Mizgal823
I hope Helga's team wins.
9/7/2017 c4 Ezza
I'm so glad you're still writing this story :)
I hope Helga and the girls are able to school the boys on how to play ball ;)
Please update soon!
xxoo
9/6/2017 c4 Yali.Page
She's hurt she wasn't included, of course she will do this!
Great chapter!
8/16/2017 c1 17Relaxing Pikachu
This story is great so far! I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
8/11/2017 c3 Badwolf123456
She's just gonna come back like that ?! She should be on Wolfgang team! Lol super short chapter but it was awesome!
8/9/2017 c3 Ezza
Oh I hope Helga G. Pataki whips the boys into shape ;)
Love the story so far.
Please update soon.
8/8/2017 c3 Yali.Page
I'm curious where're you taking this story. I hope there will be some Helga-Getie interactions, that relationship can be hood for both of them.
8/8/2017 c3 Guest
I think Helga is being too focused on Arnold in chapter 3 I thought you were going to have her more independent but once again Arnold needs help and she comes running. I thought this was going to focus on Helga growing up and letting go of her childhood crush on Arnold and moving on.
7/30/2017 c2 11Quis Custodiet
Another short but good chapter. I think the challenge for Gerald Field is a decent plot motivator - is it the main point of the story? I could see it working that way. I can also see that Arnold will need Helga's help if they are to have any chance of winning - I think this is good.

Gerald's laid back attitude is good - He's a teenager now, right? Often people write him like he's 9 years old and freaking out over the idea that anyone might like Helga and here he's not so subtly implying that he has no problem with it by way of teasing Arnold.

I'm going to make a couple of recommendations here while it's still possible for you to take them on board because you haven't written a hundred thousand words:

First one: Go through your fiction and try to eliminate all of the times you use the word "male" and "female". To start with, words like "boy" and "girl" are way more descriptive, accurate and used far more often in actual speech than referring to another human as a "male" or "female". Also, you are using it to the point of redundancy in some places: Just look at the opening paragraph of chapter 2.

Second one: It is OK to occasionally just use the common "said Someone" or "replied Someone" and even more OK to just omit who is talking in dialog when it's apparent who is speaking. Don't get me wrong, it's definitely good to enhance dialog with emotive descriptions, "whispered Someone", "laughed Someone", etc, but there is definitely a case for too much of a good thing.

Other than a couple of dubious tense/phrasing choices, I think that these are the two areas I'd focus on from a technical stand point. On the plus side, I think the story telling aspect here is still really high and definitely makes me want to read more.

Cheers,
QC
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