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for Price of Life

8/19/2017 c2 1blackspiritfire
I really like this story idea. It has great potential. Your format is a little choppy and I think you jump around too much. Maybe if you put some description between conversation to make it flow better.
Another thing is your whole first chapter needs to go. I mean you can keep it as a template but don't show it off. You should reveal those details through out the story the keep the reader guessing and make it be your hook, line, and keeper. Overall this has great potential it just need a little more work to be even better.
8/19/2017 c2 46Hikari Nova
abit confusing and rushed...i'll follow for now to get a better feel for this fic as you update

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