8/24/2017 c1 48reppad98
Oh, discussing what might have happened to Red to make him unable to speak or make him unwilling to speak is always an interesting subject. Laryngitis is quite a simple and common thing, but I was surprised to see you use it here as the reason for Red being so silent. I never thought about it. Still, I think the build-up to it could have been better. I clicked on this story to find out why Red didn't talk, but first I get a whole lot of paragraphs about him and his Pokémon and Gold and his Pokémon, without any hints that he might get laryngitis which would cause him to lose his voice. Even in the scene itself, during the battle, it's really sudden that Espeon can't hear him anymore, and then he falls over. And falling over because of a laryngitis... Then he should have had a really bad infection, but you didn't describe any symptoms of that, nothing about feeling tired, feeling hot, feeling dizzy, it just comes out of nowhere. I hope you understand what I mean, but otherwise you can always message me :) Anyway, I did like the Pokémon choices you made for them, and I liked how you described how Blue became a Gym Leader, it's indeed true that it would be strange for an 11-year-old to become Gym Leader.
Thank you for writing, it was an interesting read, and keep writing!