for The Journey of the Second Padawan8/2/2019 c12 Rainsfere
So this is more of a review of the story itself rather than just the chapter. If I forget details or stuff that has happened in previous chapters feel free to call me out on it. But before I do that I'm just going to go ahead and tell you now. I don't like nor respect harems. At all. And if this is what this story becomes I'll drop this story in a heartbeat. Besides it just doesn't feel like that is the path this story is going down so far.
Anyway. Mat is a fine character and he does have some strong points but outside of those strong points he's... kinda boring. For me, Mat is at his strongest when he is personally leading Rex and his men or any clone trooper unit. He's engaging, takes their lives seriously and he's pretty good for a commander his age. If one of them dies he feels their loss and it saddens him. Even Rex and his men like him with some of the clones stating that he isn't like the rest. He's cut from a different cloth. I would like to see more of this and potentially a ripple effect down the road.
His fascination or knowledge on military firearms, equipment and other various mechanics is also a standout. It helps create separation from him and the other Jedi in that it makes him unique. He feels like more of a soldier than a Jedi, particularly if you consider his steadfastness to have a blaster on him along with a lightsaber despite any suggestions/complaints he has received about it.
Take those away and I just don't see much to him. Yeah he can be sarcastic even in the face of threats and all but we've seen that song and dance before with many different characters. What are his hopes, dreams and aspirations? Does he even have any? What would he like to do after the war? His thoughts on the future? These are things that even 12 chapters in we still don't know anything about.
I believe more time with inner monologue and less dialogue would help with that. You have a lot of dialogue and perhaps too much of it. To see Mat reflect on himself and what he needs to do to get better or to accomplish his goals would help. For example, he got beat twice by Ventress. Not only that but she disarmed him twice. Even Ahsoka could hold her own for a while against her and she never once lost her lightsaber. That has to be embarrassing for him. Yet he seemed to shrug it off relatively easy and even now isn't making much of an effort to get better. Perhaps have Obi-Wan Kenobi expose just how badly he needs to train with it and then nail the point home. If he continues to be beat so easily then he will become a liability when they need him most.
I know Kenobi once told Shaak-Ti that he couldn't train him since he didn't have a lightsaber at the time but he could have and can train him in the Force. In fact, since Kenobi knows he prefers blasters over swordsmanship he could teach him to channel the Force through his body to make him move and run faster. After all if you can dodge the blaster fire and flank them then he'll make everyone else's job easier.
I don't know man. I like Matthew in the areas that I've pointed out and I like that he continues to be a pest for Ventress even if he continues to get beat. But outside of that. I'm not really feeling him and I would like/ hope to see more original content down the line. Following the episodes is good and all but with Mat on board surely he can do something other than just follow Ahsoka, Anakin and Kenobi around right?
Anyway take care of yourself out there and have a good one.
So this is more of a review of the story itself rather than just the chapter. If I forget details or stuff that has happened in previous chapters feel free to call me out on it. But before I do that I'm just going to go ahead and tell you now. I don't like nor respect harems. At all. And if this is what this story becomes I'll drop this story in a heartbeat. Besides it just doesn't feel like that is the path this story is going down so far.
Anyway. Mat is a fine character and he does have some strong points but outside of those strong points he's... kinda boring. For me, Mat is at his strongest when he is personally leading Rex and his men or any clone trooper unit. He's engaging, takes their lives seriously and he's pretty good for a commander his age. If one of them dies he feels their loss and it saddens him. Even Rex and his men like him with some of the clones stating that he isn't like the rest. He's cut from a different cloth. I would like to see more of this and potentially a ripple effect down the road.
His fascination or knowledge on military firearms, equipment and other various mechanics is also a standout. It helps create separation from him and the other Jedi in that it makes him unique. He feels like more of a soldier than a Jedi, particularly if you consider his steadfastness to have a blaster on him along with a lightsaber despite any suggestions/complaints he has received about it.
Take those away and I just don't see much to him. Yeah he can be sarcastic even in the face of threats and all but we've seen that song and dance before with many different characters. What are his hopes, dreams and aspirations? Does he even have any? What would he like to do after the war? His thoughts on the future? These are things that even 12 chapters in we still don't know anything about.
I believe more time with inner monologue and less dialogue would help with that. You have a lot of dialogue and perhaps too much of it. To see Mat reflect on himself and what he needs to do to get better or to accomplish his goals would help. For example, he got beat twice by Ventress. Not only that but she disarmed him twice. Even Ahsoka could hold her own for a while against her and she never once lost her lightsaber. That has to be embarrassing for him. Yet he seemed to shrug it off relatively easy and even now isn't making much of an effort to get better. Perhaps have Obi-Wan Kenobi expose just how badly he needs to train with it and then nail the point home. If he continues to be beat so easily then he will become a liability when they need him most.
I know Kenobi once told Shaak-Ti that he couldn't train him since he didn't have a lightsaber at the time but he could have and can train him in the Force. In fact, since Kenobi knows he prefers blasters over swordsmanship he could teach him to channel the Force through his body to make him move and run faster. After all if you can dodge the blaster fire and flank them then he'll make everyone else's job easier.
I don't know man. I like Matthew in the areas that I've pointed out and I like that he continues to be a pest for Ventress even if he continues to get beat. But outside of that. I'm not really feeling him and I would like/ hope to see more original content down the line. Following the episodes is good and all but with Mat on board surely he can do something other than just follow Ahsoka, Anakin and Kenobi around right?
Anyway take care of yourself out there and have a good one.
8/1/2019 c12 Mathew5641
I'm really happy that you updated and I would like to say how much I enjoyed reading this chapter I know not much has changed but updating the story was still a great gesture
As for pairing wise I would like to cast my vote for OC X Ahsoka I'm not too big of a fan of harems but if you were to do one I see he should only have two partners I am a person that believes in the rule of 3
Sorry I can't offer more in this review I'm not the best at giving critiques on stories can't wait to see what happens next hope the next chapter comes out soon may we meet in the halls of Valhalla
I'm really happy that you updated and I would like to say how much I enjoyed reading this chapter I know not much has changed but updating the story was still a great gesture
As for pairing wise I would like to cast my vote for OC X Ahsoka I'm not too big of a fan of harems but if you were to do one I see he should only have two partners I am a person that believes in the rule of 3
Sorry I can't offer more in this review I'm not the best at giving critiques on stories can't wait to see what happens next hope the next chapter comes out soon may we meet in the halls of Valhalla
7/31/2019 c12 
1kash890
Well I'm just thankful that you're back with this story! Welcome back, I'll be waiting patiently for the next chapter!
1kash890Well I'm just thankful that you're back with this story! Welcome back, I'll be waiting patiently for the next chapter!
1/25/2019 c1 1Sir Reads-elot Du lac
As much as I love shinnangians and a bit of slap stick. the tone and antics makes it feel less like a war zone were people are dying. Or more like a low stakes kids show. it might get better idk yet.
But its a bit off puting.
1Sir Reads-elot Du lacAs much as I love shinnangians and a bit of slap stick. the tone and antics makes it feel less like a war zone were people are dying. Or more like a low stakes kids show. it might get better idk yet.
But its a bit off puting.
1/1/2019 c11 1Ironknight3307
Nice chapter and nice to see how the arrogant pantoran chairman hot what he deserved. Also who are you having paired up with?
1Ironknight3307Nice chapter and nice to see how the arrogant pantoran chairman hot what he deserved. Also who are you having paired up with?
1/1/2019 c11 1GIANTPANDAMAN
Awesome Chapter. Hope Chuchi appears more often in this story as I really think she was under used in the show. Not to mention her and Mat would be a cute couple. Update soon
1GIANTPANDAMANAwesome Chapter. Hope Chuchi appears more often in this story as I really think she was under used in the show. Not to mention her and Mat would be a cute couple. Update soon
8/21/2018 c10 Cf96
The delay's fine take your time
The delay's fine take your time
8/8/2018 c10 1Ironknight3307
Good chapter please update some more. Also have you seen the trailer of season 7 of star wars the clone wars? I'm excited to see what happens next. Also is mat going with obi wan to mandalore to see the duchess soon? What about his knowledge on armors, fighting styles or any lightsaber forms not just weapons, vehicles and technology expert?
1Ironknight3307Good chapter please update some more. Also have you seen the trailer of season 7 of star wars the clone wars? I'm excited to see what happens next. Also is mat going with obi wan to mandalore to see the duchess soon? What about his knowledge on armors, fighting styles or any lightsaber forms not just weapons, vehicles and technology expert?
7/31/2018 c9 Cf96
Excellent work
Excellent work
7/19/2018 c9 1Ironknight3307
Good chapter please update some more. Also will see that lone battle droid in the next chapter?
1Ironknight3307Good chapter please update some more. Also will see that lone battle droid in the next chapter?
7/19/2018 c8 Eclipsed934
For a second there I actually thought Windu actually shouted "WESTAR" for no rason
For a second there I actually thought Windu actually shouted "WESTAR" for no rason