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for Hikigaya Hachiman's Path to Reformation

9/13/2017 c1 fluffpenguin
Wonder if he's gonna get run over by a car this time around.

Anyway nice start. Hope to see more soon.
9/13/2017 c1 Gilgamesh King of Mongrels
As soon as Hachiman said mongrel, I immediately without a second thought pressed the favourite button. Yes 8man channel your inner Gilgamesh!
9/12/2017 c1 MetaTR0N
Finally a nice story in this fandom that is not an angst fest. I loved the interaction with Saki and her sister. Great first chapter! Can't wait for the next update.
9/12/2017 c1 2MVPotato
I am a simply man. I see Saki. I follow.

Since Saki is one of the few characters in the series who doesn't just go "ewwwww gross Hikki/Hikigaya-kun/Senpai/..." whenever Hachiman tries being good natured, it's nice seeing more stories with her in it. Sure some of his actions do warrant being called gross and the girls are often obviously doing playful barbs rather than actual hurtful remarks, but all the negativity can't be great on the confidence and self-worth of an already self-deprecating teen. Saki, being the uncouth, yet caring domestic girl she is, calls out Hachiman for his shit but does show her appreciation properly instead of beating around the bush like almost every other member of the cast. She's a character who can have a healthy relationship with Hachiman, bringing out his positive traits without forcing him into some melodramatic romance thing. I suppose the reason she had so little coverage after her arc is that after the resolution of her arc, she was kind of done. She may be still uncouth and somewhat of a loner, but she's happy being with her family and limited social circle and working toward her academic goals. However, since you start with pre-resolution Saki, there's more room to develop her character. You can delve more into what she has done while she was caring for her family to the point of self-sacrifice. Through adding more events and interactions between Hachiman and Saki, you can elevate both their characters much like Gordon Ramsey elevates the depiction of the culinary arts. (His shows are rigged as hell, but his finesse and showmanship really do make the culinary arts appear grand.)

The self-improvement Hachiman is less common that I hoped to see in this fandom, and I welcome seeing another story showing his steps toward a better him. Hachiman in his base form is a rock. Firm in his beliefs and reliable in his execution of them. Does absolutely nothing most of the time, but when push comes to shove, he makes an effective weapon against his troubles of those he helps. The heroines of the show gravitate toward him due to the lack of something stable and genuine in their lives. However, Hachiman inevitably changes during the show much like how the elements weather stone. His rough edges are dulled and the shape of his purpose refined. I think he makes a good protagonist. I would like more proactivity and less laziness, but that isn’t Hachiman. My worry for this story is that you might change him too much. Hachiman in his 1st year being hopeful is logical. Freshman year is a time to meet new people, try new things, and reinvent yourself. However, that bite of cynicism is kind of needed to keep Hachiman from becoming an OC. I hope that you keep a mental or physical list of the core values of Hachiman so that you either maintain or adapt them instead of overriding them as the fic progresses.

As for what I really like about your Masamune-kun inspired Hachiman, I like a lot of the new perspectives on cynicism you added to his character. Hachiman in his 1st year still has significant goals in life. In 2nd year when the Canon begins, he already resigned himself to small goals due to his disappointing 1st year. Canon Hachiman doesn’t have the drive to use his intelligence to elevate himself, since he was comfortable with a minimally productive life of leisure. I hope to see what a driven Hachiman can do, using his intelligence to change his status and stack the deck of life in his favor.

As for the other characters introduced so far, they are also fairly good as well. Komachi is still bratty, which is a good sign. She’s more Brocon in this story, but she’s younger and Hachiman has shown her 1 year less of deadbeat lazy brother than that of Canon. Keika is always a ray of purity and sunshine in stories. Characters as pure as her are a precious commodity in the dirty world of Japanese light novels, manga and anime. She’s a cute character, and though I don’t expect her to become a major character, I hope she shows up now and then. Old man is an odd choice of character to display in the first chapter. I haven’t seen his character pop up that much in this fandom, and although somewhat strange, I do like that he is receiving coverage. I’m not sure where you will go with adding him into the story besides maybe improving Hachiman’s financial and math skills, but I look forward to seeing more.

As for writing quality, I have to say that it is good. I have seen better descriptions, word choice, and dialogue, but you write well. First, I have to say that your summary isn’t garbage and your sentences are capitalized properly. I still don’t understand how stuff gets posted without basic capitalization and grammar. As for the content, the grammar is solid. Your punctuation of dialogue is a bit lax, but the flow of dialogue was good and I didn’t have difficulty discerning who said what. Hachiman’s monologue to Saki is pretty cringe-y, but it’s Hachiman so it fits well. The writing choices of a use of 1st person and a generous sprinkling the reactionary thoughts was a bit dangerous, given that it tends to lead to main characters becoming less like characters and more like self inserts, but it sounds good so far so well done.

You show a quality of work that makes your mentioned previous experience writing fics evident. I am glad you decided to finally upload and hope to continue to see this level of quality moving forward.

May your muse continue to inspire you.
9/12/2017 c1 1Roaan
What the hell? This is hilarious!
And yes, the character's a OOC (Hachiman in particular) but you do a decent job of capturing those wild stray/non-sensical thoughts even pros hesitate to put down (they all seem to think their characters have acutely ordered trains of thought as a standard)...
Keep going!
9/12/2017 c1 ccelarator

This is quite pleasant, the characters are definitely ooc, but not so much that you can't imagine this actually happening, and the tone of the conversations and interactions between the characters can only be described as...comfy.

Your talk about this being inspired by masanumekuns revenge definitely had me worried, as that is a story whose main character is the pinnacle of everything hachiman despises, but if it's just about Hachiman stepping up and improving himself, I could definitely see this work.

I'm kind of dead set on this being a kawasaki ship now (best grill gets too little stories *cries*) but I'll be reading this regardless of whether there's shipping or not.

My only advice to you is to not fall for the same things that most writers here do, Hachiman's true goal is to be genuine with people, don't make him into some kind of spineless wimp who can't defend himself and takes shit from people, and finally, Hachiman is NOT dense, he's perfectly capable of recognizing someone's feelings, but is simply too much of a damaged soul and therefore ignores the signs (though scince this hachiman is different he might not ).
9/12/2017 c1 2The Quotable Patella
Your story is inspired by Masamune-kun no Revenge, huh. Not that I want to nitpick, but on who will 8man take revenge on? Orimoto? Normalfags? Society?...nah just kidding. Your writing style, while not as excellent as arbitrary escape or Bronze lee v sin or pan-chan the panda or other veterans, it was quite good for a first timer in fanfiction. I like the way you portray 8man. I hope your 8man will outsmart Yukinoshita. I'm tired of passive 8man, to be honest.
9/12/2017 c1 19Predator7
A 9K for a chapter 1...
That's heavy shit mate.
You going with the Saki Ship...?
*8-Man's thoughts*
"Now Girls are gonna chase after me."
*Flexes muscles*
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