for The Ink Is Dry5/9 c20 
2OmegaChrome
My only criticism, having come back to read this after some time, is less a criticism and more a suggestion: When repeating information from quests, it might be a good idea to remove the reward and failure conditions. Specifically if it's not being completed or being introduced for the first time. Or the Quest Alert! When it's effectively Jon just remembering the quest. Just a suggestion and nothing more. I like the writing and direction, and always have loved The Gamer! Type fics. Just reads oddly how Jon will be remembering a particular quest and it feels like he's being blasted by an entire interface in his vision when all he's doing is remembering either the reward for it or the conditions for it. Mostly because his means of working with the System is via a physical object, via the book.
2OmegaChromeMy only criticism, having come back to read this after some time, is less a criticism and more a suggestion: When repeating information from quests, it might be a good idea to remove the reward and failure conditions. Specifically if it's not being completed or being introduced for the first time. Or the Quest Alert! When it's effectively Jon just remembering the quest. Just a suggestion and nothing more. I like the writing and direction, and always have loved The Gamer! Type fics. Just reads oddly how Jon will be remembering a particular quest and it feels like he's being blasted by an entire interface in his vision when all he's doing is remembering either the reward for it or the conditions for it. Mostly because his means of working with the System is via a physical object, via the book.
4/2 c35 Ahsra78
auf seine auf Jon/Myrcella.
auf seine auf Jon/Myrcella.
2/14 c10 Phoenix1687
Hi, What about Jon discovering the secrets of Winterfell? He is so focused on everywhere else but Winterfell his home
Hi, What about Jon discovering the secrets of Winterfell? He is so focused on everywhere else but Winterfell his home
1/27 c35 Church21
Really a very good story and i hope this continues. My only critique is i wish system updates and stats didnt take up so much of the text.
Really a very good story and i hope this continues. My only critique is i wish system updates and stats didnt take up so much of the text.
1/2 c35 Guest
I love
I love
12/27/2024 c35 Henry
I love this fiction and hope you continue it :)
I love this fiction and hope you continue it :)
11/29/2024 c35 NCC1701D USS Enterprise
oooh i love Jon Marjorie and incant wait for theyre true adventure to begin, i want Jon to visit Dorne and for it to be revealed that he killed the mountain, allies all the way
oooh i love Jon Marjorie and incant wait for theyre true adventure to begin, i want Jon to visit Dorne and for it to be revealed that he killed the mountain, allies all the way
11/22/2024 c35 Guest
There’s a section after a gamer blurb that you left bolded, but otherwise this chapter looks and felt great to read!
There’s a section after a gamer blurb that you left bolded, but otherwise this chapter looks and felt great to read!
11/22/2024 c10 Guest
Good read so far, but i think i have the same concerns as others for the pacing. You seem to be over-preparing for future content and continually reminding the reader (or Jon as he remembers) of all the quests and objectives. These first 10 chapters are almost entirely monologuing. I get the stylistic choice of wanting as much to be laid out before he gets going, but it reads as nonstop planning and explaining every thought that crosses his mind. A little too much "telling" and not enough "showing." This is burnout writing unless you're a machine and plan to make this until a 1MM word count super story. Regardless, concept is good and I'll withhold further thoughts until I catch up with the current progress.
Good read so far, but i think i have the same concerns as others for the pacing. You seem to be over-preparing for future content and continually reminding the reader (or Jon as he remembers) of all the quests and objectives. These first 10 chapters are almost entirely monologuing. I get the stylistic choice of wanting as much to be laid out before he gets going, but it reads as nonstop planning and explaining every thought that crosses his mind. A little too much "telling" and not enough "showing." This is burnout writing unless you're a machine and plan to make this until a 1MM word count super story. Regardless, concept is good and I'll withhold further thoughts until I catch up with the current progress.