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10/1 c2 RDLV
Missing a great deal of punctuation at the ends of your dialogue.

"Kinds of like this" Bob says. "The punctuation needs to go inside the quotation marks, like this."

Plus, you've got a number of apostrophes where they shouldn't be. Like calling him "Jaehaery's" instead of the correct spelling of "Jaehaerys."
9/29 c22 BioHazard82
Great story so far. Please update soon!
9/29 c22 Jomama
Author is the goat. G O A T! Bless us more with this holy writings and texts you got in the genius of mind of yours
9/28 c11 Anon
This chapter was one huge ass summary of Jon's stats. Also, the gamer system was given to the most unsure bastard (pun intended) in all of Westeros.
9/27 c22 MontecristoGT
Interesting developments, well written!
9/26 c22 moozga
Great story, can't wait to read more!
9/26 c22 Guest
In this chapter it showed that his sword skills were level 60, but they were also level 60 in chapter 1. Did his sword skills not improve at all?
9/26 c22 Guest
I love !
9/26 c22 Red's Melancholy
Yeah, as I said previously, my one complaint for the story is your overuse of the quests. There's no reason for you to continue repeating the exact same quest information multiple times a chapter throughout all these chapters. I see the dame information and I just start scrolling. makes it hard to want to stick to, and keep reading the story. Just reference the specific item you want to talk about if you have some burning need to reiterate the importance of the quests, you don't need to layout every single item on the map every time the map gets brought up, you don't need to send out the wall of active quests everytime one gets brought up. and there's no need to bring up the current quest multiple times when he's actively working on it. You just talked about it three paragraphs ago, do you think we've forgotten already?
9/26 c17 Red's Melancholy
I think the pacing is slow because you keep writing about the same quests every single chapter. We know the quests aren't completed, we know what the quest is. we know how it relates to the situation, stop reiterating the dame information so much. It's unbearable. If nothing has changed with the game aspect, you don't need to harp on about it to pad the word count.
9/24 c22 Guest
Whilst Jon is in King’s Landing, he should seek out Syrio Forel and learn how to water dance. It would be useful to have another style of fighting, particularly as it relies on speed and agility. That would carry across to all sword fighting plus hand to hand and even useful for improving his stealth skills etc. Jon shouldn’t find it too difficult, he’s described as being quick and graceful.

Perhaps in addition he could train with some acrobatic performers, that would also help his agility, hand-to-eye coordination and stealth skills.

He should also seek out a High Valyrian tutor; they are going to be traveling and that will be important to know before they arrive. He definitely needs to spend time in the library and start seeking out some tutors, Jon’s wasted enough time already if he wants to level up and gain as many points, skills and bonuses as possible.

Jon also needs to spend time with people who can teach him about politics etc.
9/23 c22 Lazymanjones96
Interesting stuff looking forward to more
9/23 c22 1Eldaxerus
I, for one, am always up for more Myrcella pairings, so I support this choice 100%
9/23 c22 HistoricalHeresy
I'm really enjoying this but I do wish the constant stat and quest repetitions would stop. trust your readers to remember or work it more naturally into the story. maybe only do it at major milestones. I usually end up skipping the repeated sections to get to the plot which is so fantastic and deserves more room. also myrcella/Jon would be fantastic!
9/22 c11 mr1980rivera
Why do you keep flashing his stats and perks in every chapter just to take up space to make the story look bigger
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