10/6/2020 c13 19Wynni
Everybody needs that somebody in their life, and if the nature of that relationship changes once they're adults? That's nobody's business but theirs.

My husband has 8 years on me, and we're coming up on our 25 anniversary.

5/20/2019 c3 4TheH8fulM8s
I’m three chapters in, and this is already one of my new favorite fics. Here’s all my thoughts on the story so far.

Great work with Lumi. Particularly with how you introduce her. An issue I constantly have with OCs in the RWBY community is that people’s characters rarely act their age, and we’re usually introduced to them with a scene that is trying too hard to make them look cool.

We meet Lumi in a very vulnerable place that explains a lot about what kind of person she is. Jumpy, observant, crafty, a bargainer, and emotionally withdrawn, not willing to ask people for help even though she super needs it. By the time she was high on over-the-counter drugs, I was officially in “this child must be protected at all costs” mode in my head.

It’s an interesting choice to have only described Lumi’s mom at this point but not actually shown her through a scene. I don’t feel like the story lacks without that kind of moment, but I do think it would’ve been welcome. I still feel confident that I have a clear image of what her mom is like, so it’s no *big* loss, but food for thought.

Lumi’s mom is why me and Homer can’t stand the dead parent’s trope: Parents are a deep well of potential drama. You did great by making her a bad parent without making her out-and-out abusive. Instead, her mom is pushing her way too hard to do something she *at one point* wanted to do, and the constant pushing makes Lumi embarrassed for herself to the point that she would actually allow people to think she’s being abused over explaining her real situation. Yikes.

What makes things even more complex is the fact that her family isn’t exclusively a source of misery for her. Lumi’s relationship with her siblings makes running away a non-option. Not to mention her mother, for all her faults, isn’t evil so much as just kind of pathetic. So I don’t want to see her buried alive so much as I just want her to back off.

Lumi is in a situation where things are so complicated that nothing seems like the truly “right answer.” And thus I, your reader, am basically a total hostage to your story, who needs to keep reading or else I’ll never know how things developed. Very well done.

I’ll save a full breakdown of Qrow’s character for later, but I’ll say that I like the way you’re using him right now. He feels consistent with the show’s depiction, even though we’re going on a lot of assumptions about how he’d react to someone like Lumi. I suppose a good way to put it is you succeeded at “convincing me” that this is how Qrow would handle Lumi, and their relationship feels fun to watch develop as they basically play cat and mouse with each other.

But that leads me to the biggest criticism I have. Tension. This might be awkward to hear, but I have to say it: This fanfiction seems to have a lot of unintentional romantic tension between Lumi and Qrow. I know that it’s unintentional based on your author’s note, but had I not read that message from you, I feel I probably would have thought many times over that this was one of those kinds of fics.



My guess is the tension comes from how many scenes are very emotionally loaded, which creates a hurt/comfort dynamic. Also, scenes are very drawn out and have that cat and mouse dynamic that, in a more playful context, would read as flirting. The constant description of pauses and people strafing around what’s really on their mind makes me anticipate something that’s not coming, and I end up waiting eagerly for them to explain what they really feel for each other, because they do in fact have unspoken feelings for each other; Qrow sees himself in her and wants her to not follow the wrong path, she sees him as an escape from her bad situation. That has romance basically written all over it, for better or worse. The real kicker is how many times they’re at whispering distance to each other’s face. Lumi even marvels at how “pretty Qrow’s face is” at one point and tries to touch him. It’s… a lot.

Again, trust me. I believe you when you say this wasn’t on purpose, which is exactly why I’m pointing it out. You have a few people in the reviews saying they ship these two, and I think the reason why is because you accidentally made them very shippable. This would be a good thing if it weren't -you know- a super illegal thing. If they'd both been of legal age, them having chemistry would be a positive addition wether you intended to have them hook up or not, because I would have one more reason to see how their relationship turned out by the story's end. Point is, just be aware of how these things end up happening.

Like I said, I’m a hostage to your story at this point, so I’ll give more reviews that touch on other aspects. Great work so far.

7/10/2018 c13 8Shiko-Rae
This story totally deserves more reviews.

I've read it twice now and certain lines still made me crack up as much as the first time and the more emotional scenes still made me tear up too. Honestly, I think this whole piece was brilliant and a quality piece of writing. It's set before the canon of RWBY so you had the chance to really focus on character rather than trying to blend a unique plot with canon. I really love it!

Qrow hasn't had a ton of spotlight in canon, but I think you did a fantastic job characterizing him. He's a worn down, a somewhat gruff and grumpy alcoholic, and a bit of an asshole at times, but he also cares. Even if sometimes he's hilariously awkward about it.

I wish I had a better idea of how strong Lumi is though. She doesn't seem like a very reliable narrator when it comes to her own abilities so it's kinda hard to gauge. She seems to have done well against a variety of grimm though, so I highly doubt she's as bad as sometimes accuses herself of being. Also, maybe I missed it, but did she add a third form to Polaris? She talked about it as a possibility and I think she referenced it in a fight, but I'm not sure if it actually said what it was.

Anyway, based on your AN, it seems like you might have plans to one day continue this story in the future, and I really hope that you do. Thank you for writing this piece, and I hope to see more from you one day!

1/27/2018 c13 Alexandria Ackerman
AAAHHH OH ME GOD I REALLY NEED TO READ ABOUT LUMI AGAIN, IM HOOKED ON THIS STORY LINE. How could you do this to me! Please please write another story about her.

12/28/2017 c11 Hell Province
Really enjoying this, there are so few good OC fics that AREN'T romances. Lumi is a great character and I'm loving her relationship with Qrow and the other characters, both canon and OC (not too fond of her parents for obvious reasons, though her dad's ok I guess). Though I wonder what's going to happen if/when Qrow finds out about her giving Yang alcohol.

Also, she has the same birthday as me which is definitely a plus ;)

Keep up the good work, looking forward to the next chapter :)