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for Python, Spider, Octopus

9/21/2019 c1 loligang
i mean i would give a shit either so i wouldn't it isn't real
1/27/2018 c1 1Old Diggy
It's really bothering the hell out of me that you keep referring to everyone as having Caucasian skin. They're not from Europe, they're from Japan.
They are Asian, not Caucasian.
12/25/2017 c3 5ClyxicRyse
You might want to have your OC start interacting with kayano soon
10/12/2017 c3 32Anime PJ
... I REALLY want to relate to Marcus, I really do - that's generally the whole point of the protagonist, they're the one you're meant to understand and relate to in some way so that you can form an emotional connection within the story - but ... the second he acted so damn CALM about the tentacle monster that wants to destroy the planet, any hope of that went RIGHT out the window. I'm sorry, but I already lost any belief that Marcus could be a real person after the very first scene.

Other than that, the story isn't really bad. I can't really comment on the first two chapters since they go basically as they do in canon, but Marcus' contribution to this chapter, small as it may be, was at the very least nice to see. Amusing as Marcus' "attempt" at killing Korosensei was, however, I still find it just a bit odd that this creature is a threat to the planet, yet Marcus didn't even TRY to catch him off guard. What you said about it definitely being unsuccessful is true, but I would probably feel something in regards to Marcus if he didn't treat a genuine chance to make an assassination attempt as a joke.

This is coming off as a lot more negative than I meant it to. I'm sorry about that. I do like the story, I just can't connect to it emotionally because Marcus seems so unrealistically nonchalant about the whole scenario. If you gave some kind of REASON for this, I might be able to look past it, but at the moment, he just seems like he's shrugging off a threat to seven billion people. (Again, sorry for the negativity, but giving the readers the ability to emotionally connect to the protagonist is ESSENTIAL to good storytelling, and you've proven that you're actually really good at that in your other stories, so this kind of confuses me.)

I am looking forward to doing more, you're pretty good at doing the comedy when you manage to get it in, I just don't think it's your best. Though not your best is still pretty good.

(I'm now hoping and praying that the lack of reviews so far will at least make you grateful for the criticism ... I really don't like the idea of upsetting you.)
9/29/2017 c2 guest
Think maybe you could stick with this story for a little while?
9/26/2017 c2 Master of Red Windex
Interesting story so far, can't wait to see how our protagonist will contribute to the story.
Also don't beat yourself up about not putting your OC into a more active role during the first episode. Keep on writing, I'll be waiting. Nufufufufufu:)
9/25/2017 c2 J0ker981
Can't wait for next chap my dude keep up the good work

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