Just In
for Our bond is unbreakable

10/2/2017 c1 1566samvr
Okay, I know that constructive criticism can feel a little harsh at times, so I'll try my best.

Firstly, it's a bit too short. The word count is just over 600 and that's something you want to avoid when writing a first story. It's a bit of a turn-off. What I suggest is trying to make more happen in the chapter. Expand on the characters, the scenery, the personalities. Also, use spaces a little more. The writing is clumped together, making if harder to read.

Secondly, the two best friends thing is a little old. I constantly feel like the male is the more protective one, which bothers me a little because we can have a wide variety of male friends, instead of the protective guy always watching out for the girl (and in some cases falling in love). I'd personally like to see you spin a personal touch on it; try and take the trope to create something a little different.

To be honest, Jute (Judy) seems a little too kind and naive. Not that kind people are a bad thing, but it rubs off as a little bit annoying, simply because there's not a lot of other traits to him. Also, he seems to show a bit of affection for Ana which once again, feels a little cliche. People would like him more if you dove deeper on who Jute really is. Right now, he's just a blank slate. Don't feel as if he is terrible. He isn't bad for a first character but is lacking in detail.

You don't have to, but ways I suggest in working on improving the story is to try and explain who our protagonist, Jute, really is. Give him more personality traits. How he meant Ana. How long they've known each other. What they do in the day and what they see. His thoughts on the poverty his family is said to live in. His relationship with his family. How he really feels about Reaping Day. This will help make your chapter longer and give it more detail.
10/1/2017 c1 3BabyRue11
This is my first story and constructive criticism is appreciated. I realize I have a few typing mistakes in this, my apologies. I plan on making a syot after this but want to make my own story first :)

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service