11/14/2017 c3 webghost
Great, one of his sisters is an cosplay adtic.

11/12/2017 c4 ZonZus
I say keep them in Vacuo, only because Jaune is absolutely clueless about Minstrel in the show. You can tell sense he knew nothing of Pyrrha a 4 time Minstrel tournament champion, and the fact that their now in Minstrel and he knew nothing about prior to their arrival.

Something I want to ask is if Jaune will ever take a Force Apprentice, and if he does can it please be Ruby. I pick her because she seems like the one least likely to be influenced by the Dark Side.

Here’s an idea you can use to substitute for light sabers (I’m sorry but this Jaune needs to have a light saber, it just wouldn’t be Star Wars without one). The answer is you can use Aura, now hear me out, in RWBY Aura is used defensively for healing wounds and as a shield to prevent serious damage. However you could say with the introduction to the force that this allows individuals to weaponize their Aura.

You can say that Jaune built a prototype light saber to experiment with, and substituted the standard light saber crystal with a dust crystal. However that attempt ended in failure sense the energy inside can not be used as a viable substitute. The trick Jaune discovers though is when he uses an empty dust crystal and fills it with his own Aura, this only becomes possible thanks to the force. By doing this he created the first use of weaponized Aura and Remnants very first Light Saber.

By doing this you can add any property you wish to this creation, hell you can even describe it to be far more powerful than a regular light saber because it’s generated from ones very Soul. If you choose to do this than can I recommend that you change the design and make it unique, you know to make it its own thing. There’s a character in BlazBlue named Es whose swords second form would be perfect for a starting point as a design for Jaunes personal light saber.

When it comes to a Semblance I would think that given Galen’s history you can use that as a starting point. I’ve heard fans describe a Semblance as a power made real by ones inner most desire, others have said genetics plays just as big a role, Weiss being the biggest example. But the show describes that some people just need to find it, case in point when Nora says she discovers hers because of a lighting strike and didn’t die. Kind of makes it sound like if that never happened than she’d never have discovered it.

I digress, in terms of a Semblance it shouldn’t be anything that the force can already grant him, and if it is then it should greatly enhance that particular perk to a great degree. However I hope you avoid that because the force is like a muscle, all it’s aspects powers can grow. A Semblance too but no need to get into that.

Anyway with a Semblance for Galen I would say something along the lines of either teleporting or a dimensional pocket.

With teleporting I would say something similar to the movie Jumper, or Minatos Yellow Flash. I say this because I would love to see this power implemented with Jedi Force abilities, the battles you could write and the potential you could use with it together with the Force is awe inspiring.

With a dimensional pocket I say something similar to Erza’s requipe or Gilgamesh’s Gates of Babylon. Now you don’t need to give him an armory but things you can come up with the uses for it and it’s potential for a Jedi Master like Galen is astronomical. From storing an assortment of weapons, to clothes, ammo, hell if you want to be creative even food, or eventually an entire star ship. I say this because at some point I would love to see signs of the empire making an appearance, not anytime soon mind you but you know, still, and you know galactic travel would be freaking awesome at some point, probably have an encounter with his clone.

Anyway those are my choices for a Semblance, if you choose something else than that’s fine but please at least think it over.

11/3/2017 c4 xgensean
I'm not going to lie I disliked the dress seen so much that I almost want to stop reading this story. It was so cringey and sad I actually shed tears of cringe and pity. Not only that but I also wanted to puke at the fact that this took up most of the chapter. The concept of this story was great the setting is good but not the interactions with his sisters. As a brother myself if my sisters had done this to me when I was a child I would never forgive them and would not talk to them in my adult years. In short dressing up a boy and girls clothing disgusts me in a fundamental level especially when the person getting dressed up is not doing it in their own free will. I consider this almost like rape.

10/31/2017 c4 Guest
Adam is Remnant's Hilter and his White Fang their nazi party so I was not surprised of the outcome, just not expecting it to happen that soon.

10/29/2017 c2 Xearthes
Well, it seems we have a world-destroying, Atlas-ship-decimating, broken-moon-levitating badass coming.

10/17/2017 c3 1YouAreEmpty
I enjoyed Chapter 3. It feels more direct and I can feel the emotions from the characters. I particularly liked what his sister did to him since it forced me to grin and chuckle.

However, I find some of your adverbs to be in the wrong places. In other words, some of the writing could have flowed better without them.

For example: "Jaune sprawled his body all over his comfy bed, snuggling comfortably onto his yellow silk sheets. He silently wailed at his weakness..." could be
"Jaune sprawled his body all over his comfy bed, snuggling onto his yellow silk sheets[...] He slammed his eyes shut, wailing at his weakness." (The brackets indicate that I would put something between the two sentences. It would sound weird to have two sentences with the same pattern.)

Now everyone should know that silk is a luxury resource so it's accepted as a comfortable object. Now regarding the second sentence, it's a matter of writing style. I prefer to use introductory/concluding participles while making the action subtle, but yours work fine (especially considering the preceding sentence was a participle pattern.)

You should keep in mind of this tip: Use adverbs when they change the verb in unusual ways. E.G. "He smiled bitterly."

10/16/2017 c3 death444
like the story but don't like how jaune is around his sister need to man up

10/15/2017 c3 Knight of the Thorn crown
YAHAHAHOOY. I got all giddy reading this story. Never give up man. ;)