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12/5/2017 c8 16CookiesNCreamNess
OKEH. Since this is the last chapter uploaded so far, Imma make some overall comments - I’ll list ‘em ‘cos lists are COOL.

1) rlly interesting plot u have here with fem ash, although sometimes due to lack of description or sentence structure it’s a bit hard to understand what you’re trying to articulate

2) id suggest making ur chapters longer for more engagement, it just makes it seem like theres more going on with the story

3) your story’s moving quite fast and im getting a tad confused because of how fast time flies? one moment i think theyre five and next minute i find out theyre ten

BUT OVERALL, keep writing because practice makes perfect and i wish u luck for ur future writing
12/5/2017 c6 CookiesNCreamNess
woahaoaoaaah, the grammar in this chapter got better big time. I am impressed :D good on ya
12/5/2017 c5 CookiesNCreamNess
why did this get sad all of a sudden
12/5/2017 c4 CookiesNCreamNess
12/5/2017 c3 CookiesNCreamNess
12/5/2017 c2 CookiesNCreamNess
YEAH BOIII, gary’s such a lad
12/5/2017 c1 CookiesNCreamNess
HAHAHA ofc Ash would walk in with grass stains on his pants. CLASSSICCCC
11/18/2017 c5 VioletNeko5
I think it's pretty good. You can try make longer chapters. Please continue~
10/9/2017 c1 23St Elmo's Fire
This belongs in the Anime world. Find your story under "Manage Stories" and select it from the dropdown menu that says "World: Any" in the "Category" section. If you have difficulties or objections, take it to this thread: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/165132256/1/World-Tags

Please make an actual summary.

This is incoherent. You need a beta reader. Start looking here: fanfiction (d o t) net/topic/11834/42724996/1/Beta-Signup

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