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4/16/2018 c1 11emeraldphan
I like your use of ancient mythology in this story and how it becomes a sort of foreshadowing of Erik. It seems that the idea of fallen mankind is found in religions other than Christianity, along with the concept of a fallen angel becoming a devil.
It's a very dark story but I did like the idea of Erik being 2 different people and unable to control his darker side. He could be justifying his actions of course, but there's also a sense that he is genuinely shocked by what his other side can do...
10/25/2017 c1 31Shadowcrest Nightingale
Interesting merging between myth and the story we know. I learned something new today, I had never heard of Erlik. After looking it up following this story I am very intrigued. Given the superstitions of the era it would not surprise me if many would have compared Erik to a god of such nature. This piece reads a lot like a mythological legend vs narrative. We get a fair amount of exposition which does work, however if you ever felt like touching this up or expanding, would love to see a more active, in the scene version-give us dialogue, more like the blow by blow with the fight scene. That's where the tension hits and you have me. :)
10/20/2017 c1 41AmadErik
A very interesting and moving, yet frightening story. It is always one of the most fearful thoughts that other beings somehow control your actions and body and you can't stop yourself. It is a nice tribute and explanation to the Leroux line that "no one can stop Erik, not even Erik himself."
And thanks for the Hungarian word - it always moves my heart when I read a word in my native in a story.
I like this, thanks a lot :)
10/19/2017 c1 Guest
Great story! Reminds me of Madness and Hope although I know you said it’s not related to your other stories, but it’s still very nice.
10/15/2017 c1 45Igenlode Wordsmith
Aha - I remember the 'Erlik' myth from "Heart to Heart Conversation", when he tricks the Mongolians into giving him their yurt :-)
It's ironic that one sacrifices to this particular demon not to save the living but to keep him from preying upon those already dead...

Apparently he has the head and teeth of a pig but the eyebrows and moustache of a man, which must be a very peculiar appearance!
(And I like the wry comment that Erik isn't even as handsome as *that* .)

"Just another street-vagrant boy, close to starvation, in filthy rags" - I wonder what reaction the Daroga got from the Shah when he came back with nothing but this creature to show for his errand?

I'm surprised the Shah didn't simply take the standard precaution before allowing the boy access to his harem :-(

"This ancient dark spirit was in the scrawny frame of a teenage boy" - oh, it hadn't occurred to me that he might *really* be Erlik in this version!

"All he cared about was the applause of one person, a girl, already the Shah's favourite, but not a wife. Just a harem girl who won his heart due to black magic she performed in his bed - at least if one cared to listen to rumors. He seemed to live only for a smile on her lips" - I started to get a bit confused by pronouns at this point :-(
Is it the Shah's heart or the boy's heart that the girl has won here? "He seemed to live only for a smile" appears to be confirmed by "All he cared about was the applause of one person", but I find it hard to believe that the Shah would tolerate open rumours of his favourite performing 'black magic' in another man's bed.
But presumably when "he" began to build a playground for "them", "he" is now once again the boy and "them" refers to the boy and girl?

Presumably the change from red and black robes to unrelieved black is symbolic of a deeper change in Erik at this point... the shift from two children playing hide and seek to a game of execution seems a bit sudden, though. Wouldn't it have been more likely for the Sultana to start her experiments simply by putting a prisoner into her maze and watching him get hopelessly lost? (Particularly given what we know about Erik's replica 'torture chamber' in Paris, which basically works on the principle of inducing the victim to self-destruction.)

I like your phrase for this in the summary: "the children are monsters... and *one* of them wears a mask" :-(

"suddenly all the mirrors sank into the floor and the man saw that he was in a courtyard" - this is an interesting combination of the two mutually inconsistent stories Leroux mentions about the 'rosy hours of Mazendaran", the mirrored chamber and the combat in the courtyard...

So the demon takes over Erik's body entirely in order to use it to kill :-(

But of course the Daroga, who is a man of modern thought, doesn't believe in such creatures out of the myths of the ancient infidels.

I wonder if there comes a time when the 'innocent' boy steps aside altogether, seduced by the peace of possession, and Erlik becomes permanently incarnate in his body? :-(
10/10/2017 c1 28Not A Ghost3
Ooh- I love that you took this legend and twisted it around. The ending is unsettling and leaves just enough to the imagination that it haunts the reader after they've read it! Very nice!
10/10/2017 c1 10angelofnight
I like this one! I thought it might have more horror after that introduction. But I only felt the tension during the movement of the labyrinth. But I still like the story! If you ever think about expanding it, I'd very much like to hear more about your take on Erik's relationship with the sultana. If it differs from the Kay novel.
10/10/2017 c1 16Child of Dreams
(frowns slightly)
You misspelled "Erik" and "soul"...
10/10/2017 c1 MyNina
Nice to see you are back:-)
Congratulations to your fascinating One Shot, and the comparison to the mythological figure 'Erlik Khan' which fits our Opera Ghost perfectly... The idea of leaving ones body during enormous stress is quite common, and it might answer Erik' s fast mood swings and outbursts.
This story is well written, with lots of research work ans historical details. Great work, thanks for publishing!

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