for Three Headed Dog v2
210/7/2021 c6 CMVreud
Aaaand this chapter should come at the end, third? Well, of the introduction. Because it confuses the hell outta me.
Aaaand this chapter should come at the end, third? Well, of the introduction. Because it confuses the hell outta me.
10/7/2021 c4 CMVreud
And perhaps this part 2. In my eyes it would just fit. Adding mystery because even an Entity never encountered such a structure.
And perhaps this part 2. In my eyes it would just fit. Adding mystery because even an Entity never encountered such a structure.
10/7/2021 c3 CMVreud
I'd have started with this chapter.
One can easily see (read) your french tongue.
It's a ashame this story is dead.
I'd have started with this chapter.
One can easily see (read) your french tongue.
It's a ashame this story is dead.
5/23/2021 c8 Guest
wow
wow
11/26/2018 c8 Elim Garak
"Nonetheless, the food didn't quite..." - run-on sentence. Way too long, can and should be cut at least in half. This chapter is mostly OK, although it is rather disjointed and there are a couple of strange word choices.
"Nonetheless, the food didn't quite..." - run-on sentence. Way too long, can and should be cut at least in half. This chapter is mostly OK, although it is rather disjointed and there are a couple of strange word choices.
11/26/2018 c6 Elim Garak
Again, plural vs. singular, strange word choices, etc. This story has an interesting setup but you need to re-read the chapter a couple more times, since this reads like a first draft.
Again, plural vs. singular, strange word choices, etc. This story has an interesting setup but you need to re-read the chapter a couple more times, since this reads like a first draft.
11/26/2018 c5 Elim Garak
"The Vanguard, knew it would be a long and tedious task to found what he needed." - first of all the comma makes no sense. Second, conjugate the verb - "found" should be "find".
"The Vanguard, knew it would be a long and tedious task to found what he needed." - first of all the comma makes no sense. Second, conjugate the verb - "found" should be "find".
11/26/2018 c4 Elim Garak
Lots of grammar issues. Plural where you need singular, singular where you need plural, tense issues, etc. Conjugate verbs, etc. Use various grammar checker applications and add-ons present in most word processor applications. Look up Grammarly tool. Examples of issues:
"It discards the firsts of its mind and gives only a token of attention to the laters." - "firsts" is barely used, almost invalid. "laters" is not a word.
"Their shard grows this is good, yet so futile now that the cycle was broken." - unless they share a shard, the word should be plural.
"So the entity stay above the city" - should be "stays".
"A frown marred its golden face." - previous sentences were in present tense, suddenly you switched to past tense.
Lots of grammar issues. Plural where you need singular, singular where you need plural, tense issues, etc. Conjugate verbs, etc. Use various grammar checker applications and add-ons present in most word processor applications. Look up Grammarly tool. Examples of issues:
"It discards the firsts of its mind and gives only a token of attention to the laters." - "firsts" is barely used, almost invalid. "laters" is not a word.
"Their shard grows this is good, yet so futile now that the cycle was broken." - unless they share a shard, the word should be plural.
"So the entity stay above the city" - should be "stays".
"A frown marred its golden face." - previous sentences were in present tense, suddenly you switched to past tense.
9/2/2018 c3 Armiture
Ever since I played CommandConquer in '95 I hear EVA say "Ion Cannon Ready" every time I read the words "orbital bombardment," does anyone else?
Ever since I played CommandConquer in '95 I hear EVA say "Ion Cannon Ready" every time I read the words "orbital bombardment," does anyone else?
9/1/2018 c7 sonic
I liked the chapter!
I liked the chapter!
6/20/2018 c6 erik
An intriguing story.
An intriguing story.
3/23/2018 c6 Arch Sariel
Well written, but there isn’t enough here. Horribly incomplete. Wouldn’t recommend, to many unanswered questions. Has a lot of potential though.
Well written, but there isn’t enough here. Horribly incomplete. Wouldn’t recommend, to many unanswered questions. Has a lot of potential though.