for Little Lion Man11/15/2017 c3 Frankston
Great companion piece to some of my favorite episodes that season, especially with Triles' breakup and Frankie seeing her dad for who he truly is. It's more apparent now with such a shorter time between Frankie defending him to her brother, to being the one who ruined dad's campaign (with one act worse than all of Miles' put together). I thought you walked the line perfectly between Miles relishing in the irony and feeling bad for her perfectly. Personally, I felt you did end it in the right place, Miles' sense of hopelessness was the theme from the start and seeing him run away felt like we were coming full circle. Nice job on this story, can't wait for more!
Great companion piece to some of my favorite episodes that season, especially with Triles' breakup and Frankie seeing her dad for who he truly is. It's more apparent now with such a shorter time between Frankie defending him to her brother, to being the one who ruined dad's campaign (with one act worse than all of Miles' put together). I thought you walked the line perfectly between Miles relishing in the irony and feeling bad for her perfectly. Personally, I felt you did end it in the right place, Miles' sense of hopelessness was the theme from the start and seeing him run away felt like we were coming full circle. Nice job on this story, can't wait for more!
11/15/2017 c2 Frankston
I may have liked to see a bit more dialogue here, but I 100% understand not wanting to retread the show word-for-word for those who still have the scenes fresh in their head. I think your goal was to create a companion piece to the show and I think you did an awesome job on that, letting us see the show through strictly Miles' eyes and giving us insight into his own thoughts. I also thought the foreshadowing of his panic attacks in Next Class was terrific, can't wait to get to the next one!
I may have liked to see a bit more dialogue here, but I 100% understand not wanting to retread the show word-for-word for those who still have the scenes fresh in their head. I think your goal was to create a companion piece to the show and I think you did an awesome job on that, letting us see the show through strictly Miles' eyes and giving us insight into his own thoughts. I also thought the foreshadowing of his panic attacks in Next Class was terrific, can't wait to get to the next one!
11/5/2017 c1 Frankston
Terrifically-written first chapter! I wondered myself whether some small part of Miles realized his dad was manipulating him and he just went with it or he was genuinely duped; you did a great job seamlessly blending his thoughts with the scenes from the show I'd forgotten about, especially Miles being made to realize there's truth to what Frankie said - he's got more in common with his old man than he'd like to admit right now! On to the rest!
Terrifically-written first chapter! I wondered myself whether some small part of Miles realized his dad was manipulating him and he just went with it or he was genuinely duped; you did a great job seamlessly blending his thoughts with the scenes from the show I'd forgotten about, especially Miles being made to realize there's truth to what Frankie said - he's got more in common with his old man than he'd like to admit right now! On to the rest!
11/4/2017 c3 
4OkuntinTenfeder
Your turn on the Triles break up was good IMO. It definitely makes sense. There was only one thing later on, which irritated me a bit: "[...] his shaken spirit hiding behind his aggressive tones. He was scared, he had never been this scared in his life." I think, he was very angry at this point, too and used the anger to cover, how scared the whole situation makes him. Maybe you even meant it that way, but it comes off, as if he was only scared and covered that up on the outside.
Otherwise I think it's a bit of a pity, that you didnt take on the turning point - where the three siblings finally stood together.
4OkuntinTenfederYour turn on the Triles break up was good IMO. It definitely makes sense. There was only one thing later on, which irritated me a bit: "[...] his shaken spirit hiding behind his aggressive tones. He was scared, he had never been this scared in his life." I think, he was very angry at this point, too and used the anger to cover, how scared the whole situation makes him. Maybe you even meant it that way, but it comes off, as if he was only scared and covered that up on the outside.
Otherwise I think it's a bit of a pity, that you didnt take on the turning point - where the three siblings finally stood together.
10/23/2017 c2 OkuntinTenfeder
Happy to read more here. I like the foreshadowing of the later panic attacks which you dont expect coming by only watching S14. :)
Happy to read more here. I like the foreshadowing of the later panic attacks which you dont expect coming by only watching S14. :)