Just In
for A World of Ice and Fire

12/25/2018 c6 4oOAngelwithaBrokenHaloOo
I love thisss
12/24/2018 c6 thor2006
You have this story as a double? Two times having the same story?
Link to the copy of the story s/12677405/1/A-World-of-Ice-and-Fire
12/22/2018 c6 Adamantium Stripes

She just started her journey and she's already showing people she is not to be underestimated ;)
Already calling herself A Dragon! Yes! Own It!
"A Dragon is Not a Slave." Love It!
I think it's great she tries so hard to control her temper and use it in a positive way. Most likely, a lot of people are going to piss her off and she can't be burning things left and right or she'll become known as the Mad Queen.
The bond between her and her dragon is Awesome! I can't wait for people's reactions when she speaks Parseltongue to the dragon.
A Prophetic Dream! Of Valyria! Is she going to stop there on her way to Volantis?
Every slave has a skill? Maybe she'll learn from them? Maybe the Unsullied will help train her?

At the beginning of the chapter you mentioned not being satisfied with it and not knowing why. If I can offer some Constructive Criticism? This chapter seemed a little rushed and not as detailed as the others. At the end of it, I had several questions.
1. How did she know which direction would get her out of the Red Waste?
2. Why not describe her experience of meeting civilization(Kosrak) for the first time in this New World?
3. Why would she sleep somewhere that would let a hundred people surround her?
4. Reading the two languages back to back is kind of confusing.
5. Aly likes to be as fair as she can, BUT WOULD SHE REALLY BUY SLAVES instead of simply taking off their chains?
6. If you want Aly to have years to build her own empire before getting the attention of the Royal Family, why are you letting the slavers live to tell the tale of her dragon.

12/21/2018 c6 ReadLikeHermione
Great chapter
Update soon please
12/21/2018 c6 1Shadow Wolf 15846
nice! can't wait for the next chapter! I'm glad that you are still writing, I feared that you had stopped!
12/20/2018 c6 1Sakihinata
And almost out of the blue, she gains followers /subjects ;)
Thanks for updating!
12/20/2018 c6 DullReign82
this was such a good chapter and I look forward to reading more of your story.
12/20/2018 c6 Guest
Looking forward to the next chapter
12/20/2018 c6 1DavinaMorningStar
Awesome, please update soon
12/20/2018 c1 jamila25
Love your story keep update please and thank you
12/20/2018 c6 kenbre
Great chapter
12/20/2018 c6 AvalonRivers
Great chapter! Will she do what daenerys did and free all slaves?
12/20/2018 c6 Serrae
¡Great Fic! Please, update soon.
12/20/2018 c6 2MacrotheAcro
Great premise! Looking forward to the next installation!
12/20/2018 c6 vepmoon96
The dragon name sounds weird to me, because moon is english but the arys at the end is not and sounds like what a small child would name their cat. The Valaryian word for moon is húra if it helps. Also I know you were unhappy with the chapter so I thought I would make some suggestions. One, maybe have the slavers talk more? The slavers should have a bigger part I feel because they are slavers, lol, they are nasty and mean. Maybe through some sleezy dialing in there for them. It would help balance the chapter out because her speeches are really good, as well as her inner thoughts tword the end but the chapter feels lopsided because she is passionate but the slavers don’t feel like they warrant the emotion because they only say like three lines. Also if she was sleeping out in the open or in an inn, the slavers wouldn’t just wait for her to wake up, they’d have the unsullied steal her or something. Historically, slavers tended to be mostly cowards and would take the simple path.

The other thing that felt weird to me was that it quickly went from her being a questionable slave to her trying to buy the slaves with the slavers not having much in the way of transitioning or fight. It kinda gave me whiplash to be honest. They also just gave the scepter over without a fight or payment? That’s the only thing that controls the unsullied, they wouldn’t just hand it over. It’s been a while and I’d have to go back and read again but how does she know about the unsullied scepter anyway? Very curious about that. Also why not use magic? And does she have gold to pay the slavers/slaves and how many slaves were there, I don’t think you actually have a number and it was confusing me to picture it and I know that you wrote that she was trying to get everyone’s names, does that mean thirty, ten, one hundred names? I know that I suck at names and need to ask people several times for theirs at least, lol.

I know this was long and I would like you to think I was bashing or anything, I really do like your story, I just know you said that you weren’t happy with it and thought to offer suggestions. Please continue and I look forward to reading he next chapter to see where this goes.
115 « Prev Page 1 2 3 4 5 .. Last Next »

Desktop Mode . Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service